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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think the neigbours shouldn't sit on their drive every evening?

109 replies

Bravas · 12/08/2017 11:46

Yes it's theirs they can do what they like etc. But it's really annoying me.

We have perfectly nice back gardens which aren't overlooked but they choose to sit on the driveway of a busyish minor road with their friends.

They sit and drink/talk/sing/laugh loudly until the early hours. It's the noise that's pissing me off, i have started wearing ear plugs, shutting the windows but they still woke me at 2am this morning.

Unfortunately I can't afford to move to an isolated location and normal noise doesn't bother me. AIBU to think this is a bit anti social?

Any suggestions what to do? I'm reluctant to say anything in case it makes it worse.

OP posts:
kittymamma · 13/08/2017 17:31

I'm glad others find it odd... I have neighbours in their late 50s/early 60s that as soon as the sun comes out (even a little bit) they sit out the front with their deck chairs and clothing suitable for swimming - it's quite a sight! We don't even have bushes separating lawns, just garden paths... at least mine are quite though.

YANBU to complain about the noise in the early hours.

Mrstiggywink49 · 13/08/2017 17:35

Common!

Mulledwine1 · 13/08/2017 17:41

I don't like people sitting in their front garden either. It feels very intrusive when you just want to get on with your life and they are looking at everyone who walks past. I much prefer people socialising in their back gardens (assuming they have one). YANBU OP.

Spangles1963 · 13/08/2017 17:53

Just why do people do this? It strikes me as a need to show off. It's a 'Look at me,look how popular and sociable I am' thing.

drinkingtea · 13/08/2017 17:58

Barbara I think I'm a working class throwback :o brought up by Hyacinth herself by parents in upper middle class professional jobs in the UK but on one side very newly middle class via grammar school - I sit in my front garden, maybe I'm harking back to my roots :o

We have wooden patio furniture outside and wear proper clothing, (I'm a bit baffled by the assumption that front garden use is linked to going outside in nightwear), nobody smokes in our house, and we drink tea or wine - occasionally beer from glasses or glass bottles I don't think you can buy it in cans here ... We also live abroad where everyone sits at the front - it's sociable to say hello to neighbors as they pass on their evening stroll :)

Agree the noise mentioned in the op after 11pm and any cigarette smoke is antisocial, but don't get the pearl clutching about sitting in your own front garden at all.

What is the point of having and maintaining a garden you ban yourself from using? Confused

LuLuuuuuuu · 13/08/2017 18:00

Common!

Hmm

Goady Fucker

user1498983411 · 13/08/2017 18:06

Well u answered your own question, they can't sit were they like in there own property!! I think you should just let it go!! with all the problems in the world getting upset about were next door sit in the evening seems a bit of a waist of time and effort!! Just chill life is just to short to worrie about the small stuff!!

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 13/08/2017 18:12

Why is it goady Lulu I've noticed a lot lately , if someone doesn't like a comment , they immediately deem it goady or the poster a goady fucker.

I agree tiggy it's common.

Ceto · 13/08/2017 18:15

Would it really hurt just to say something to them along the lines of "Would you mind very much entertaining your friends in the back rather than the driveway? You probably don't realise, but our bedrooms are on that side of the house".

BarbaraofSevillle · 13/08/2017 18:19

drinkingtea well my parents and pretty much everyone else in my family is defintely working class, but DM only sits in her back garden Confused.

But you are abroad where the English class system does not apply, just logic and common sense. I love walking through villages on holiday in places like Spain and Gozo and seeing people sitting out on dining chairs watching the world go by, usually because they have no front garden at all.

But no-one will feel spied on when I sit in my front garden, which I've just come in from because you probably can't see me from the road as it slopes down to a little patio area outside the front door and the drive is long enough for 3/4 cars, so I'm miles away from anyone who walks past. I'm usually alone too, so no statement of my popularity, or not.

Most of the back garden is shaded by the house in the afternoon and is really only used to hang washing out in.

Justaboy · 13/08/2017 18:22

Never mind, we had to have the heating on here last night! it won't be long before its too cold for them to be outside:)

drinkingtea · 13/08/2017 18:23

Fluffy and Tiggy do you have front gardens? What do you use them for? If you have hedges and a lawn and flower beds and it's a pretty, sunny space do you use it for anything at all? Or is it purely wasted space which you maintain in good order purely as a class marker?

EyeRollChampion · 13/08/2017 18:29

All my neighbours do this. Every night we'll be laying in bed trying to decide between being cool and comfortable or hot and sweaty but having some peace and quiet by closing the windows. 9,10,11pm... they're all out there, shouting across the car park, chinwagging, gossiping, laughing loudly. These people need a curfew.

They may get one shortly, enforced by hosepipe on jet setting.

GreenTulips · 13/08/2017 18:32

Where we used to live we had anew family move in - that all day in the gutter at night drinking etc - causing noise, they could see right into the living room and it's too light to shut the curtains

It's just horrible

We moved

Maireadplastic · 13/08/2017 18:35

Saying 'common' is common.

RatRolyPoly · 13/08/2017 18:36

Looking at my naice Victorian house you'd assume we had a back garden, but by some architectural querk we don't. So we party out front, right on the street (smoking roll-ups, drinking lager... but on lovely cast-iron garden furniture, don't you know). Felt weird at first. Feels great now!

But if we were noisy and/or it was late we'd take it in inside. Hopefully before any of the neighbours felt compelled to complain!

upperlimit · 13/08/2017 18:40

When we lived in a terrace with a north facing back garden, I would sit on the front step with a book. There was no way I was being shunted into the shade on a sunny evening to appease some other fucker's snobby outlook.

But I can see why the op is annoyed when each evening draws a congregation of noisy gits.

JenTheSprtacusPuppy · 13/08/2017 18:44

I'm working class, lived on council estate in poor area growing up. My Mam had a lovely front garden and an even better back garden, all the houses on the estate did and people spent a lot of time making the front gardens look beautiful, but nobody ever spent anytime in it other than doing the gardening, kids never played in front gardens either. Wasn't a privacy thing as back gardens all overlooked each other.

It happens a lot where dh is from, 10 adults from varuios houses sitting in driveways of one, sometimes on the pavement outside house if there's no front garden or drive way. It really doesn't bother me as almost always it's just people chatting.

However, it's a big problem two streets over from me. For the last year or so there's five households that gather in each other's driveways all day and night, that on its own is nothing, but they drink all day long, don't watch any of the dc and are constantly sweating and shouting at the children or each other. Stinks of weed when you walk along. Two of the families have dogs that are left to roam the street shitting everywhere. It used to be just one household and their mates would walk up from elsewhere, but as residents have got fed up and sold houses, private landlords have bought them cheap and they are now rented to mates of first household.

Friend used to live in said street until six months ago, she coukdnt relax leaving house empty as they'd know and many a time stuff has been stolen frim back yard and broke in street, stuff like gnomes and bird baths, speaking to parents got her a load of threats and abuse, police do fuck all.

Several residents have caught the children trying to break into their sheds, one dc is only two years old and as I type He is running up and down the middle of the road with a screwdriver, no socks and shoes and no top, just shorts shouting "fuck youuu" at his Dad who's shouting him from two streets over.

If we shut windows we can't hear it too much unless the fighting spills over to our street, or if the kids are breaking things in our street. But residents in same street are fed up and are selling houses at much less than they are worth, and moving.

Police shoved letters asking everyone to report antisocial behaviour, nothing ever happens. friend reported to social services too. Can't say it's worse in summer as it's all year round in all weathers to be honest.

Using the front garden isn't unreasonable. Being inconsiderate to neighbours when doing it is.

HotelEuphoria · 13/08/2017 18:51

My neighbours sit at the front but I think it's because we don't get much sun at the back. I don't like it, looks a bit..well..odd. However we live off the road so they can get away with it...just.

Mumandteacher123 · 13/08/2017 18:51

It isn't where they're sitting that's the issue, it's the noise at unsociable hours of the night. All noise should stop after 11. If speaking to them about it isn't an option then get in touch with the anti-social behaviour team at your local council x

Purplealienpuke · 13/08/2017 18:59

The noise abatement team won't entertain your complaint until you've compiled a dossier of dates times etc with examples. I personally didn't find them helpful.
Please find the gumption to speak to your neighbours, maybe they haven't considered they're annoying anyone because nobody has told them?? A note through the door would be a start at least... you might be pleasantly surprised.

romany4 · 13/08/2017 19:08

YANBU. I live up North and everyone sits in their front gardens or drives here despite all the houses having 60 ft back gardens.
I don't get it and I'm a Southerner and I sit at the back

hks · 13/08/2017 19:09

i agree they are entitled to sit in their driveway but i think the chatting /excessive noise should stop at a reasonable time eg 9pm
everyone else in the surrounding area has a right to watch tv, read, relax, whatever in peace as well!!
.my neighbours used to do this most weekends out her backdoor chatting very loudly /having a laugh with her boyfriend or friends ...even worse when they have been out drinking and the music is up loud as well . i cant even sleep with the window open on hot nights as im not joking you can hear every word of their conversations same during the day when she is talking to someone on her mobile (god knows why they can't do this indoors .)A few elderly neighbours & I reported her to the police / council and it did stop for a while but started again over the last few weeks .It always seems to be her house they meet up at for some reason .. they all have kids but get rid of them to relations so they can sleep without being disturbed

DJBaggySmalls · 13/08/2017 19:14

Our neighbours eat their chips out there and often leave the ketchup on the window ledge.
I'm thinking of making a crochet poodle cover for it.

MaudesMum · 13/08/2017 19:25

I live on a vairy middle class terrace (not in the north). At one side we have private gardens, at the other side we all have yards, then a lane for car access and across the lane our parking spaces and some back garden.
Many people sit out on the less private side in the evening as a. it gets sun until later and b. it is social - kids can play out, adults can chat. Apart from the occasional party (which everyone is invited to) no-one stays out too late. As Mum&teacher says - it isn't where they're sitting, its the noise...