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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a 5 year old to tidy his room?

84 replies

IdiotSandwich · 11/08/2017 11:03

5 year old DS. Room is a pig sty. I have been asking and asking DS to put all his toys away so i can get in there and hoover and change his bed sheets.
DFriend has said I'm being too harsh and can't expect that of a 5 year old. DM likes to point out that I didn't as a kid and tbh I realise as an adult (and as a kid) that I was spoilt and it didn't serve me well.

My problem is I've asked him repeatedly and given him a time limit to get it done. He has had three days to do what really should take him a few hours (and that's being extremely generous).
I've said before at some point I'll be going down with with bin bags for anything left on the floor. It will all go in bags together and he can earn them back one by one.
Again according to everyone else I'm being too harsh. His toys get broken by him trampling all over them and that seems to have taught him nothing even though I don't buy him new ones.
AIBU to do this or is there a better option? I get he is only 5 but I think tidying his toys away is reasonable even though they are pretty much everywhere in his small room.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 11/08/2017 11:05

a little I think

at that age you have to show them what to do and help out - rather than just leaving them to it - he's still little

also don't give him 3 days - sit with him and do it in 20 mins - if it isn't done I used to refuse to do anything else until it was but I always helped

Writerwannabe83 · 11/08/2017 11:08

YANBU - even my theee year old knows how to tidy his bedroom when asked.

sparklewater · 11/08/2017 11:08

It can be a bit overwhelming for them at that age, especially if it's a couple of hours job.

Help him do it in half-hour bursts - even if you don't actually do anything, you can be in there with him. "Now pick up all your old clothes and take them to the laundry basket. Yes, that does include socks. There are some over there too...."

Breaking it down into manageable tasks makes it much easier and if you are 'helping' without helping then he won't feel like it's a battle or something to resent. In theory, at least! ;)

QuiteLikely5 · 11/08/2017 11:09

You expect a five year old to do a few hours cleaning?

That is outrageous and ridiculous!

You are at fault yourself for allowing the room to get in the condition that means it requires a few hours cleaning! It must be hellish in there

Pull your finger out and clean it up.

You need to readjust your expectations of your 5yo

A few toys to pick up - fine

Buy toy storage?

DillyDilly · 11/08/2017 11:09

If it's going to take him two hours, then it's too much of a task for a 5 yo.
I think you need to sort it this time, with his help perhaps. Then going forward, encourage him to tidy as he goes along with a final tidy-up in every. evening. Link it to a consequence - room not tidy, no tv time.

SaucyJack · 11/08/2017 11:09

I don't think you're being U in theory to expect him to keep his room tidy.... but it sounds as tho the mess has got out of hand and he doesn't know where to start.

Has he got designated boxes and shelves for each type of toy? Makes it much easier for him if you can say to put the Lego in the green box, cars in the red box, and books on the shelf yadda yadda.

Or he might just be a lazy little git?

Getoutofthatgarden · 11/08/2017 11:10

I think at 5yo he may need some help to tidy it all up. Is it an option for you both to clear it up? Could you go in and start it and give him directions of what you want him to do?

Voiceforreason · 11/08/2017 11:14

I agree with Getout. 5 is a little young to complete a big task on his own. By working with him you can encourage him on when he flags.

bridgetreilly · 11/08/2017 11:14

I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect him to put his toys away every day. However, it's completely unreasonable to let his room get to a state where it will take several hours worth of tidying and then give him a three day deadline to get it done on his own. That's not how 5 year olds work (nor 43 year olds, tbh).

You need to help him with specific concrete achievable goals: "now we are going to put all the lego in this box", "now we are going to collect all the clothes that need washing" etc. And in future, you need to make it a daily thing that keeps it manageable for you both.

ghostyslovesheets · 11/08/2017 11:16

yes I agree with tidying everyday as well - it shouldn't get that bad

Maybe make it part of his bedtime routine

Everybodylovesablankie · 11/08/2017 11:16

Completely agree with Quite he's 5, his room shouldn't have been left to get in that state in the first place !

corythatwas · 11/08/2017 11:17

You need to supply the training and encouragement you didn't get as a child: not letting things slide until they are far beyond his age and then blaming him. That means setting aside the time to do it with him, as a game, every day at set times or in set situations, until it becomes an ingrained habit.

talonofthehawk · 11/08/2017 11:18

WHY havent kept on top of his room?
Fire hazard, trip hazard etc

becotide · 11/08/2017 11:21

YOu need to help him. YOU need to spend time, every day, teaching him and prompting him on how to tidy the room. because youhaven't done that, it has gone beyond a 5 year old's capabilities to clean up, and now YOU must do it, with his help.

Once it's tidy, then every day youhave to go in there with him, talk him through the process of putting things away. You can't just dump 3 hours work on a fucking five year old, what did you think was going to happen?

eatabagofdicks · 11/08/2017 11:21

Definitely need to help a 5 year keep his room clean. Two hours tidying is way too much. I always did it together with mine at that age. It was 10% cleaning, 90% playing and looking at toys he'd forgotten he had.

CalamityJane75 · 11/08/2017 11:23

I don't think you are bu op, my eldest would have known at that age to tidy up his toys if he had been asked, especially if I'd used the age old black bag threat! But as others have said if this is new to him and his room is very untidy you should probably help him, just being in the room and pointing him in the right direction should do the trick. We had a rule if you want to take out a new toy you must tidy the old one away first, something like this might help him manage his own space in the future.

Batoutahell · 11/08/2017 11:24

Try giving him specific tasks within the room to break it down into smaller jobs like 'all books back into bookcase' or 'all Lego into its box'.

YANU to have expectations of your 5yr old to contribute to keeping the house running. But YABU to expect it not to be very hard work to get him to do it. But keep going because the work you put in now will pay off later.

eyebrowsonfleek · 11/08/2017 11:27

I would stay in his room while he did it so you could keep him on track and break down the big task. So you'd say "sock in the laundry basket", "cuddly toys in the box" etc

Original poster
IdiotSandwich · 11/08/2017 11:30

I've given him a few hours to be nice. He has a tiny little room, he has huge amounts of toy storage to put it all in. It is literally just picking his toys up and putting it in the storage. If I did it it would be 20 minutes maximum. What I'm getting from him atm is a straight out "no I don't want to" so he gets told off.
He gets asked to put it away daily. If he picks something up we make sure he puts away what he has out already. unfortunately, where I asked him to tidy his room up a few days ago he said yes, went down stairs and got more toys out. My fault for leaving him to it but unfortunately I've had things to do as well.
It probably would help to see his room but I won't post pictures online. DFriend and DM haven't seen what it's like and both like to spoil DS and do this stuff for him when he is at their houses.
I don't want him not understanding something as simple as pick up all the toys and put them in the boxes. I've not even asked for them to be done in order, just chuck them in the boxes. Clear the floor so I can hoover it. boom. bedroom done. I gave him a few hours because he is 5 and I know he'll get distracted easily so I've been going in there and reminding him/getting him going. He even has a treat ready for when it's done. But three days later and he's done barely anything.
He doesn't eat in there so I know there won't be anything dreadful waiting for me and all his clothes get push in the washing bin each night so there isn't any of that to do. Literally just pick the toys up, put them away.
I gave him an hour earlier so I'm going in there now because I can hear him playing. Apparently making a 5 year old tidy his room is an impossible task. No more kids for me!

OP posts:
Original poster
IdiotSandwich · 11/08/2017 11:30

I think it's just the rudeness of him being asked repeatedly and him not actually doing it that gets me riled up

OP posts:
sparklewater · 11/08/2017 11:33

It sounds like you're turning it into a battle! I'd dig my heels in if I was him too ;)

Batoutahell · 11/08/2017 11:34

Idiot, when my almost 5 yr old days 'I don't want to' about a task I've asked I say 'fine, and I don't want to get you any drinks, snacks or dinner, or turn on the TV or do any of your requests so that's fine' and then 5mins later when he says 'mummmmmyyyy, can I have a ....' I say no.

He does it in the end because he needs me to do stuff for him so regularly.

Batoutahell · 11/08/2017 11:35

Sparkle, it's always a battle to get children to start taking responsibility for housework.

TwatteryFlowers · 11/08/2017 11:38

I told my 6 y old to tidy his room up the other day. I specifically mentioned his desk because it was a tip - stuff all over it ABC you couldn't see the actual desk underneath all the rubbish. I went in later on after he'd 'finished' to find that his desk was empty. He'd shoved everything onto his windowsill/on top of his drawers/under his bed instead! Grin

I generally don't leave him to tidy up by himself though because I find that he tends to get distracted and if it's in a big mess he gets flustered, doesn't know where to start and gets upset. Instead I help him by picking things up, asking him where they go and telling him to put them there. It takes ten minutes. He gets a star for doing it without complaining.

sparklewater · 11/08/2017 11:38

bat Oh I know - but why make things harder than they have to be? If he helps happily he's more likely to get on board with the little and often approach so this doesn't happen again.

My dd is 7 but every single day I still have to remind her to put her clothes IN the laundry basket (not just on top) etc etc. Difference is that it's not a mammoth task so she just gets on with it. OPs situation sounds like it's become a Mexican standoff!