To expect a 5 year old to tidy his room?

[IdiotSandwich]

5 year old DS. Room is a pig sty. I have been asking and asking DS to put all his toys away so i can get in there and hoover and change his bed sheets.
DFriend has said I'm being too harsh and can't expect that of a 5 year old. DM likes to point out that I didn't as a kid and tbh I realise as an adult (and as a kid) that I was spoilt and it didn't serve me well.

My problem is I've asked him repeatedly and given him a time limit to get it done. He has had three days to do what really should take him a few hours (and that's being extremely generous).
I've said before at some point I'll be going down with with bin bags for anything left on the floor. It will all go in bags together and he can earn them back one by one.
Again according to everyone else I'm being too harsh. His toys get broken by him trampling all over them and that seems to have taught him nothing even though I don't buy him new ones.
AIBU to do this or is there a better option? I get he is only 5 but I think tidying his toys away is reasonable even though they are pretty much everywhere in his small room.

We have a family rule where everyone spends 15 minutes a day putting stuff away/helping out. There's 4 of us here (two adults, two DCs) and it's enough to keep on top of their rooms.We've done it since they were tiny and always put on loud, fun music so they can shake about and not see it as such a chore.

If I asked DS2 (6) to tidy his room he probably wouldn't have a clue where to start so I go in stages; "could you put the cars away in the box please" then "Can you chuck all the laundry into the basket mate". DS1 is 11 and his room is generally pretty tidy. Again, though, I taught him to do it in small steps rather than a general "tidy up".

Also don't give in - I would always give in and tidy DS room and when I asked him to do it the next time it would take him an age to even put a bit of lego away but I've stopped now and he actually gets it done.
At 5 though I would say sit with him and even if you just pass him the toys one by one or give him 5 toys at a time to put away.
When there's so much it can be overwhelming - I don't know about you but when I let the ironing pile up I'll do anything to put off actually doing it!

Don't ask him , tell him. "We're going to quickly tidy your room , follow me". Then give him very clear instructions as you do most of the work. Praise him as he does his bit. Build on this by stepping away a bit more each time you tidy together.

I've seen many a five year old that doesn't understand what the verb tidy means , you'll have to teach him.

The five toys is a good idea!! When ds says that his room is clean (and to him it probably is- but just not to my standards!) I often tell him to go back in and find 3 or 5 more things to put in their proper places.
I also know that even as an adult, looking at a whole room that needs cleaning can be overwhelming and I end up procrastinating (mumsnetting!) but breaking it down into smaller jobs helps.

You expect a 5 year old to do a few hours cleaning ??? Omg that is cruel ! Fair enough at putting away toys but no way should a 5 year old have to do 3 hours cleaning ! Why can't you help at the same time ? Sorry but I think it's disgusting that you have allowed this to go on for days because you are too lazy to help and want dc to do it for you !! I have 4 dcs and if I ask them to tidy their rooms I mean for them to put toys in the toy boxes then I go in and do the rest !

Also OP. Think about adding visuals. Take a picture of his teddies and stick it on the teddy box etc. Take a pic of his room when tidied and display it on his wall. He'll be familiar with his from school so it's not only helpful for tidiness but also reinforces his learning.

You need to do it with him until it becomes routine for him. Tip from a parenting course I went on.

My 3 YO is very 'spirited' but still tidies her room when told to. On a bad day, this means a paddy; but then she's three.

"I've given him a few hours to be nice" That's your problem- a 5 YO can't cope with those kind of time scales. I know everyone else has said the same, but one more vote for:

1. Clear, simple instructions.
2. Very short timescales- tell him to start and check in 5 min.
3. Explicitly teach what you want him to do.
4. Immediate consequences for noncompliance, but make goals realistic (10 min tidying then something nice, finish later).
5. Lots of praise for doing it right.

All that said, at least you are teaching him to tidy up.

I know DS at 9 was much older than 5, but the principle of the headspace is the same.