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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a 5 year old to tidy his room?

84 replies

IdiotSandwich · 11/08/2017 11:03

5 year old DS. Room is a pig sty. I have been asking and asking DS to put all his toys away so i can get in there and hoover and change his bed sheets.
DFriend has said I'm being too harsh and can't expect that of a 5 year old. DM likes to point out that I didn't as a kid and tbh I realise as an adult (and as a kid) that I was spoilt and it didn't serve me well.

My problem is I've asked him repeatedly and given him a time limit to get it done. He has had three days to do what really should take him a few hours (and that's being extremely generous).
I've said before at some point I'll be going down with with bin bags for anything left on the floor. It will all go in bags together and he can earn them back one by one.
Again according to everyone else I'm being too harsh. His toys get broken by him trampling all over them and that seems to have taught him nothing even though I don't buy him new ones.
AIBU to do this or is there a better option? I get he is only 5 but I think tidying his toys away is reasonable even though they are pretty much everywhere in his small room.

OP posts:
Batoutahell · 11/08/2017 11:40

Sparkle, I guess I see having to even just be there as a battle😅 But I see what you mean.

Booboobooboo84 · 11/08/2017 11:44

I think tidying the day away before bed as part of his routine is perfectly acceptable from now on. But I think you need to help him focus on the task at hand so it's a good starting point for him.

I think his cheekiness and wilfulness is an age thing he's pushing the boundaries a bit.

Original poster
IdiotSandwich · 11/08/2017 12:56

Twattery that's the problem we used to have but then we bought his big storage boxes for all his toys so he knows where it all goes and he has tidied his room before this way.
I've gone into his room and as soon as he realised I was there he jumped and quickly put one thing back in the box. The room is even messier than this morning and he thinks he is getting away with it. He made some snidey comment that he was going to live with his grandmother because she doesn't force him to tidy up so I said "fair enough... you won't be needing any of this or this room then will you?"
Every single toy that is in his room is now in a couple of bin bags. I threatened it. It now is. He actually apologised and even helped me put them in there.
I've said if he helps me do other cleaning jobs around the house he can earn the bags back one at a time. Tbh I'm just asking him not to make more mess whilst I do my cleaning jobs.
Maybe my day of freedom next week will be spent tidying after all!

OP posts:
HipsterHunter · 11/08/2017 12:58

Totally.

You tidy it WITH him so you both put away the toys. Model good behaviour. Teach him HOW to tidy. It's not an in built 'thing' to know how to tidy.

mallardponds · 11/08/2017 12:58

I would address rudeness as a separate issue to be honest.

I don't mind messy rooms. I do mind rude children.

Original poster
IdiotSandwich · 11/08/2017 13:01

Just to clarify, every single toy that was on the floor in his room (not put away) is now in a bag.

OP posts:
Original poster
IdiotSandwich · 11/08/2017 13:07

I feel the same way to be honest mallard but he's not tidied anything up in a number of days despite being asked repeatedly so both issues are high on my list today. The only reason I haven't come down hard on him already is because I've been running round like a loony getting things done and also working from home. I haven't had the option until today to actually sit with him and see where his room is at.
Genuinely he's normally a sweet kid even though his tidying skills are lacking but to be honest I knew that would be a battle from my own experiences growing up.
He's had an offer from multiple people of treats galore if he gets it done. He's not doing it and just being rude about it. So I've done the bag thing and now am getting on with my kitchen. Gave him a tiny dustpan and brush so he can earn back a bag. We'll see how this goes.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 11/08/2017 13:08

I think you should have helped him do it rather than bag the toys up , and don't let it get so bad before you tackle it , make it an evening ritual that you tidy away together before bed .

MiaowTheCat · 11/08/2017 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MikeUniformMike · 11/08/2017 13:10

I would tidy it with him. Ask him which box things should go in. Let him make the decisions.

squirre1 · 11/08/2017 13:12

I always tidied with my children before bed. Most of the time they helped if I was in there doing it too. It got done twice as quick because they weren't getting distracted and I was helping. TBH they're older now and I'll still help so they put stuff away while I'm dusting for example or when we're doing a decluttering.

I would clear up his room for him this time, as you dont seem to be getting anywhere, and then start a new routine where you both clear up before bed. I'm a bit soft though Grin

MargaretTwatyer · 11/08/2017 13:12

You need to do it with him.

MargaretTwatyer · 11/08/2017 13:12

Put music on and do it together.

HeartburnCentral · 11/08/2017 13:15

I would address the rudeness separately. As for tidying his room, I would help him tidy it this time and introduce a 10-15 minute tidy up every evening before bedtime.
Rules, Rewards and Sanctions (if the rules aren't followed you have to follow through with the consequences). Explain to your Ds he is part of a family and everyone has to do their own tasks to help out. As long as the tasks are age appropriate, yanbu. Asking your Ds to put his toys away and not leaving a mess for others to tidy up is good practice. If he were anywhere else it wouldn't be acceptable to leave a mess and act rudely.

MrsClegane · 11/08/2017 13:17

I have a 5 yr old....and I ask him to tidy his room. he' quite good....though a lot of the "tidying" is pushing toys to the side of the room so I can see the carpet. They tried... lol he will put toys into boxes if i ask him specifically to do that but would be very overwhelmed if i said to tidy EVERYTHING away.

he is quite good at putting washing in the washing basket when he takes it off.... which i think is good. And taking away his plate to the kitchen once finished (he will even offer to take mine/his dads/siblings too) so I think he's doing well.

your son is still young, let him have his fun but ask him to help tidy up....you cant expect him to do it all.

KittyVonCatsington · 11/08/2017 13:17

Just to clarify, every single toy that was on the floor in his room (not put away) is now in a bag.

To me, that just means he thinks he has a tidy room without doing anything. If he's like the 5 year olds I know, if a toy is out of sight, it's also out of mind for a while so he may not actually see that as a punishment.

I'd work with him to get those toys in the bin bags back into their correct place and then look into building some tidy time into his routine with you there to supervise, teach and inspect.

Justgivemesomepeace · 11/08/2017 13:18

If it would take you 20 mins then I would expect it's overwhelming for a 5 year old to know where to start. Don't let it get to that stage. Mine can manage and will happily do 'pick up the Lego and put it away,' as long as there is only Lego there. Or pick your books up and put them back on the shelf, or put your cars back in the tub, or put your teddies back on the bed. As long as there is only 1 or 2 things it's fine. If I'd left it until the whole lot needed doing he wouldn't know where to begin and just say no. I only let mine play for short spells in his room and he has to put whatever he's played with away before he comes downstairs.

Original poster
IdiotSandwich · 11/08/2017 13:18

kallax are wonderful, that's similar to what he have but it has to be in his room as we don't have a lot of space anywhere else at the moment.
He had abandoned sweeping duty to go to the toilet... I was sceptical but agreed he should just go to the toilet if he needs it... a couple of minutes later I've found him in his room with more toys on the floor.
Said toys have joined the others in bin jail.
Today is going to be a long day.

OP posts:
Original poster
IdiotSandwich · 11/08/2017 13:19

Kitty that is going to be the end result. He has to earn the bin bags back and then we're going to sit down together and put it all back in it's rightful place when he has.

OP posts:
Sayhellotothemoomoos · 11/08/2017 13:20

What I think is if this is a battle now, you've got a very long road ahead. So I think yab a bit u.

What I've learnt from my 9 year old is a few things.

Don't keep anything in the room that they don't really play with, be honest about whether it gets used.

Lower your standards and expectations.

Tidy with them, they don't want to do it but if you go in with them and do it together, it often makes it less of a battle.

Original poster
IdiotSandwich · 11/08/2017 13:21

The 15 minute tidy up is definitely going to be put into place by this evening though

OP posts:
Blossomdeary · 11/08/2017 13:21

Clear it up yourself then start a new regime of helping him to tidy it up each evening and no TV till it's done! Do it together; make a game of it.

flumpybear · 11/08/2017 13:22

Mine does - loads of praise and don't expect too much but he tidied toys into boxes and teddies onto bed

MiaowTheCat · 11/08/2017 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KittyVonCatsington · 11/08/2017 13:22

earn the bin bags back

Sorry, my point was, he may not actually be that bothered about earning them back (especially if he has other things to occupy). Been there!