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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 'DP' is bullying our daughter

81 replies

Happyhappyveggie · 10/08/2017 19:42

We have 2 kids together - DS 9 and DD 5 and 'DP' behaves differently to DD. She is quite feisty but she is only 5 and the way he speaks to her is awful and gives her no slack at all. For example- earlier on she was sitting in front of TV and instead of asking her to move over a bit he said 'you are just annoying everyone- move out of the bloody way'. I have recently noticed that he's so angry with her all the time and isn't like this with DS. I feel like I am constantly intervening and worry about the effect on her self esteem. She's a happy funny clever little girl.
Aibu to be worried and think he's a bully? I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Squirmy65ghyg · 10/08/2017 19:44

Tell him to FUCK off. Why allow her to be subjected to this?

HipsterHunter · 10/08/2017 19:44

Yeah if it is as bad as the, you have problems.

Would he go to councilling with you? Does he acknowledge he has ishooooos?

You have to put her above him and yourself in this situation, you know you have to. See all these threads on MN from people who have been fucked up by bad parents.

caffeinestream · 10/08/2017 19:45

That's emotional abuse.

Migraleve · 10/08/2017 19:46

Protect her. He is a cunt.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 10/08/2017 19:46

Record him over a period (say a week) of his interactions with both DD and DS and show him. It might make him realise that he's being a dick.
If he doesn't then you will need to question if you're in the best environment for both of your children as yes it will have an affect on her. And probably your son as you will find yourself compensating for your DP and maybe treating them different too

Original poster
Happyhappyveggie · 10/08/2017 19:49

I'm on the waiting list for counselling at the moment but I am really tired of it all. Me & the kids were away last week and it was so peaceful and calm and not the eggshells situation. I feel like I am always picking up the pieces of his behaviour to be honest

OP posts:
Genghi · 10/08/2017 19:50

He needs to stop and you need to make him stop by going to counselling. Make it clear your marriage and his future access to the kids depends on it.

Original poster
Happyhappyveggie · 10/08/2017 19:53

I think one of the main issues is that whenever I bring his behaviour, he deflects it back at me and takes no responsibility for it. When I said earlier 'don't speak to her like that' he said 'well you should hear yourself' which simply isn't true. I don't speak to my kids like that

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 10/08/2017 19:53

That's a horrible way to speak to anyone! She's either going to be scared of him or get so used to it she feels like she's not worth any better and that's a pretty dangerous precedent to set.

Have you asked him outright why he feels able to be so rude to her? I'd be having words with the DC if they spoke to each other like that.

What's he like when he talks to you? Does he think boys/men are better than girls/women?

HughLauriesStubble · 10/08/2017 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/08/2017 19:54

X post. It's not acceptable. And if he see that what he's doing is wrong then he's not going to change.

Ropsleybunny · 10/08/2017 19:57

That's really, really, awful OP. Your poor little girl. No one should be spoken to like that but honestly, a five year old child, terrible!

Migraleve · 10/08/2017 20:01

Counselling wouldn't be an option for me. I couldn't be with someone who had to be 'taught' not to bully a child.

Namechangetempissue · 10/08/2017 20:01

Dreadful. I do NOT say this often or lightly but LT fucking B. Bullies disgust me. Adults bullying children? Absolutely vile. A father bullying his own 5 year old? I haven't even got the words. She will remember stuff like this and it will effect her, take it from someone who knows. Sorry OP Flowers

CheshireChat · 10/08/2017 20:02

Have you ever pointed out that he treats your DC completely differently? What did he say?

Not that you should have to or that you are in any way responsible for his behaviour mind.

Original poster
Happyhappyveggie · 10/08/2017 20:04

I think I am at the end of the road tbh- it's just been a recent realisation as it seems to have got worse lately. We are on holiday at the moment and I find myself hating him a lot because of it. Fuck.

OP posts:
Ropsleybunny · 10/08/2017 20:08

I don't know what you can do. If you leave him he will still be entitled to access. I feel so sad for you and your children.

Sarikiz · 10/08/2017 20:09

Your DH has a serious problem bullying his 5 year old daughter
OP why are you letting this happen? Your supposed to protect your child.
Stand up to him never mind what he says why should you walk on egg shells because of him
You dont say who is going to counselling?

Motoko · 10/08/2017 20:14

Sounds like you need to start getting your ducks in a row. Do you have friends/family you can talk to?

Original poster
Happyhappyveggie · 10/08/2017 20:14

We are both meant to be going yo counselling but it's taken so long on waiting list that it's past the point. But I want to sit in a room and make him listen as I don't seem to be able to do that anymore

OP posts:
DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 10/08/2017 20:14

I don't know what you can do. If you leave him he will still be entitled to access. I feel so sad for you and your children.

So women have to put up with bullies to manage them, fuck that.

How does he treat you op? He is being horrible to your daughter and it is your job to protect her, she needs to see you standing up for her.

Mumteadumpty · 10/08/2017 20:23

You are totally right to take this very seriously OP. Yes counselling is a good idea, but if your DP still can't see what he is doing, he isn't a good Dad.

Original poster
Happyhappyveggie · 10/08/2017 20:30

I really do stand up to him and try to protect my kids. I think I am just so tired and worn down by being in the middle that it's only recently I have had the clarity to see how bad it really is. I don't love him.

OP posts:
Brittbugs80 · 10/08/2017 20:31

How does he talk to your Son?

RidingWindhorses · 10/08/2017 20:36

Is he rude to you too?

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