To think 'DP' is bullying our daughter

[Happyhappyveggie]

We have 2 kids together - DS 9 and DD 5 and 'DP' behaves differently to DD. She is quite feisty but she is only 5 and the way he speaks to her is awful and gives her no slack at all. For example- earlier on she was sitting in front of TV and instead of asking her to move over a bit he said 'you are just annoying everyone- move out of the bloody way'. I have recently noticed that he's so angry with her all the time and isn't like this with DS. I feel like I am constantly intervening and worry about the effect on her self esteem. She's a happy funny clever little girl.
Aibu to be worried and think he's a bully? I don't know what to do.

think I am at the end of the road tbh- it's just been a recent realisation as it seems to have got worse lately. We are on holiday at the moment and I find myself hating him a lot because of it. Fuck

I think we accept unkindness to ourselves but when it's a child ....

So you have petty much decided . Good luck OP . His behaviour will damage her and you are right to address this

Ropsleybunny "... how do you protect children from abuse when the abuser has 50% care of them?"

Hopeully he will not get 50% care, not if the mum is the main carer. I;ve worked part-time since dd was 8 months old but I do the lioness share of the childcare still (dd now 12 and ds 6).

If we split up (thankfully not likely) there is no way my dh could work and support himself and kids and look after then 50% of the time. And its not a massive guess to say he would not want to (our kids are quite full on and hard work, especially together). So I think it is wrong to assume the non-main carer will automatically get 50/50.

If there is no main carerer (current 50/50) I would work to change that before separating as long as it is safe to stay, just my thoughts, I'd also get legal advice before I did anything to show my hand.

By supporting kids financially, I mean I work and my pay goes into family pot but I earn well under half (pro rata) what dh does and that is why I am the one who works part time.

"He doesn't try to control me financially (I manage all the money) and he doesn't seem that interested in sex anymore. It's the angry, unpleasant verbal stuff that is the issue. I feel like our home life is toxic and I do want to protect my children from it- I just haven't been seeing clearly"

It seems you have now seen things with fresh eyes. If you think it is worth saving your marriage, if it is savable, can you pay for counselling? At the very least you may wish to use some form of mediation to work things out. I wonder why he has gone off sex, could here be someone else?

I am sorry this is all hitting you on holiday. We are just back from a horrendous holiday, dd problems, kids fighting, etc but at least on holiday I had time to think and even the fact we were away meant less of the drudgery of life (cooking, cleaning, laundry) which freed up time.

I also wonder if your husband has always been like this? Could he be depressed? This is not an excuse for bad behaviour but could be a reason.

If you do split, which you should, it's highly unlikely his going to want contact with his dd. He clearly doesn't give a shit about her so I can't see him being fussed if he sees her or not.

It's your ds I think he'll try to get full custody off, he'd be unlikely to though.

How are things OP? X