Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my friend BU or her DH

103 replies

ilovecookies123 · 10/08/2017 16:23

So my friend has asked me to post this as she doesn't have an account and doesn't really have many people in RL to ask and tbh I'm really not that sure so please help settle this disagreement...

My friend works part time, around the 10 hours a week around her DS whilst he's in nursery and her dh works full time, he is a very hands on dad and likes and very much is involved with everything. Over the summer holidays she has been relying on a combination of her DM, MIL and sister to help with the childcare that nursery would normally cover. No problems...
Her DM had her DS yesterday for the 3 hours she was in work and in the morning asked my friend if she could have the car seat as she was going to pop to Tesco to do her food shop, no problem she gave it to DM. In the evening DS mentioned to DH that he had popped to Tesco with his nan and DH was really upset with my friend. He said that he obviously had no issue with her taking him at all but that if the plan changed and she was actually taking him out he would have liked to have been told by friend just so that he knows where his son is insted of thinking he was just at his nannys. They had an argument as he said that as he is his dad he should be aware where his son is and would have taken friend 2mins to just text him after she dropped DS off and said, just so you know gave DM the car seat as she is popping out with him...
Who do you think is wrong?

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 10/08/2017 16:25

Dh is wrong

Long as the child is with trusted carers and back in time safe and sound, it doesn't matter where they go

Squirmy65ghyg · 10/08/2017 16:25

Her husband. Wtf?

Original poster
ilovecookies123 · 10/08/2017 16:26

May be worth mentioning that friend never gives a rundown on her whereabouts with DS he just feels like if DS if with someone that isn't them then they should both be aware of where he is

OP posts:
mickeysminnie · 10/08/2017 16:26

You have posted this before, the dh is still being a complete twit.

Original poster
ilovecookies123 · 10/08/2017 16:28

I've never posted about this before, it happened yesterday Hmm

OP posts:
Hont1986 · 10/08/2017 16:28

I think her DH is BU.

Fair enough being told in advance about a day trip out, but a trip to Tesco? he's being precious

shoofly · 10/08/2017 16:30

I honestly think he's being an arse. If he'd like to take over the childcare arrangements, perhaps he should. His son was with a family member, either this is ok or it's not. The popping to Tesco is a red herring.

marmaladeforme · 10/08/2017 16:31

Why does he need a running commentary of where his son is? He's with his grandmother. He's being a tool.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/08/2017 16:34

While I think the husband is being somewhat paranoid, I also don't see why it's a problem for your friend to tell her husband where their child will be since the husband clearly wants to know, which is his right, by the way. All it would take is a quick text to tell the husband.

RedSkyAtNight · 10/08/2017 16:35

Does have have concerns about DM driving his DS? You see plenty of threads on here from posters who worry about their parents/in-laws driving.

Original poster
ilovecookies123 · 10/08/2017 16:38

No he has no concerns he just felt like it would take a minute to send a quick text just saying that DM has the car seat and is popping out with DS and as Aquamarine1029 just said is exactly how he put it which made me doubt myself when I was initially thinking that he was ridiculous because it would literally take 10seconds and it is his right to know if that's what he wants.

OP posts:
Papafran · 10/08/2017 16:40

Jesus- for real? He is upset because his son was taken to a supermarket? Is he quite a controlling person normally?

MyheartbelongstoG · 10/08/2017 16:41

Dh is a twat.

Newtothis2017 · 10/08/2017 16:42

Her dh is completely bu. He should be thanking them all for helping mind his child not acting like a moron. If I was told I had to send a message every time I took a child I was minding as a favour to the park or shop or anywhere I wouldn't mind the child. He is happy enough for them to give free childcare than he should be happy enough to tryst them

Sienna9522 · 10/08/2017 16:45

DH is definitely being unreasonable.

biffyboom · 10/08/2017 16:48

He is being ridiculous.
He knows where ds was- with his gm! Why the need to know exactly where at all times?

Travis1 · 10/08/2017 16:52

Her DH is being ridiculous. What if Nanny had taken him out for a walk to the park, should he be informed then? Does he expect his MIL to remain confined to the house and run all movements past him?

thatdearoctopus · 10/08/2017 16:53

If I was the DM and knew my son-in-law wanted a running commentary of how the day was panning out, I'd tell him to stick his childcare.

He's being an arse.

Notevilstepmother · 10/08/2017 16:53

Is the DH very anxious or something? Why does he need to know where people and who they are with at all times? Doesn't he trust his wife to decide? What is his logic for needing to know? It doesn't take long to tell him isn't a reason, and I don't see why he has the right to know, anymore than I'd say the mum has the right to know if a dad took a child to see grandparents. It's micromanaging the other parent and its controlling.

Katedotness1963 · 10/08/2017 16:57

It's a trip to the shop not a trip out of the county. If he's not happy he can pay for someone to look after the child and that person can be answerable to him. I couldn't be bothered with having to check in every where I went.

GammaDelta · 10/08/2017 16:57

Oh god give her a break why the hell your friend's husband not trust her?? It's not that she had sent DS off to Paris for a couple of days n forgot to mention. Your friend is right her hubby is BU.

RandomMess · 10/08/2017 16:59

If he's that bothered he can sort out the childcare!

That sort of juggling is stressful enough without having to report stuff to the other parent...

ButchyRestingFace · 10/08/2017 17:01

Mad, quite mad.

Mrsrp · 10/08/2017 17:04

I agree, it only takes a few seconds to text but it's hardly something to have an argument about! I guess it's different if it's a day trip that's a long drive in the car, but a trip to the supermarket?!

I think DH is BU, if it bothered him he should have just said that he'd like to know next time. My DH wouldn't be bothered at all by this.

iogo · 10/08/2017 17:04

I think he's being ridiculous. The child went to Tesco with Granny.

Swipe left for the next trending thread