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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend and her strange bf

103 replies

Chocolatteandbiscuits · 10/08/2017 15:08

So I was suppose to be seeing my friend today. We were texting yesterday and both said we were free at half 1. I got a text late this morning saying we are now in the city getting holiday bits we won't be done until 2/2.30 but I'll text you when we are done. She's not going away for another 6 weeks! Why pick today to go up the city with your bf when your suppose to be seeing your friend? I thought he was meant to be at work anyway.

Didn't hear from here until half 2 saying we are leaving in 15 mins. Been suit shopping for my bf. Thought they were holiday shopping?? And it takes 30 mins to get to mine. I have to take my DS to his dad's at half 4!

Also her bf is odd, I didn't invite him. She's done this before when we arranged to see each other she brought him and her dog! I don't want her bf knowing my new address. This is the thread about him messaging me: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2998823-aibu-not-to-reply-to-my-friends-dp-messages

So I am being unreasonable or annoyed for no reason??

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 10/08/2017 15:13

And now I've just seen she's posted they were at the gym a hour ago. Glad she's having a great day while I sit and wait for her!

OP posts:
chickenowner · 10/08/2017 15:16

Stop waiting for her.

This sort of behaviour really annoys me too. It's just rude.

Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 10/08/2017 15:17

chicken im actually fuming. I weren't too bad until I saw the gym post. It's like she's taking the piss. I've text her saying not to bother. She hadn't read it yet though! So hope she doesn't turn up with strange bf

OP posts:
OrangeJulius · 10/08/2017 15:17

She is being very rude, keeping you waiting around while she shops in the city.

The rudeness combined with the creepy boyfriend, do you think it might be best to cool this friendship for a while? I would say have an honest chat with her, but I suspect you wont as you haven't even been able to tell her that her boyfriend is messaging you.

LoyaltyAndLobster · 10/08/2017 15:19

YANBU I wouldn't wait for her I'd go out and do something nice by myself!

ButtMuncher · 10/08/2017 15:21

I'd not bother with friends like that, especially friends that lie rather than be honest about their actual reasons for being late. If the meeting was between you and her and she brought her bf without asking, I'd also be pissed off. Sounds as if she's one to cut out.

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 10/08/2017 15:25

You have to tell her, that is really really rude!

MrsJayy · 10/08/2017 15:25

My friend had a strange bf who she married i cant stand him i struggle to see her on her own It is very frustrating and dh likes the guy so suggests we docoupley things i tune the friends husband out tbh. I think you might need to draw back from your friend for a while .

Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 10/08/2017 15:28

She done this to me last week when we arranged to see each other. Kept me waiting I then had to text her for a time. In the end I said leave it. I then felt sorry for her due to some health reasons so thought I'd text her. Stupid me for being nice! Then today she's gone and done it again but ten times worse. Him and her can't be away from each other! Me and my other friend we are all school friends and we're very close. Now we both hardly see her. Just angry and feel let down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 10/08/2017 15:28

nottheduchess what tell her how rude she's being?

OP posts:
chickenowner · 10/08/2017 15:33

I would go home, or carry on shopping, but definitely don't wait for her anymore!

chickenowner · 10/08/2017 15:34

I agree with PP, tell her that you're fed up with waiting for her.

Laiste · 10/08/2017 15:36

It's annoying when people change plans, but at least she kept you informed. Did she know you were going out at half 4?

It sounds as if her and her BF are in the 'joined at the hip' stage. Perhaps next time you make an arrangement make it clear it's a time slot with an end, IYSWIM? ''I'll meet you at 2, friend, but only have till 5''. Or whatever.

Can you specifically ask to see her alone? In a nice way :)

user1492692527 · 10/08/2017 15:38

Putting a different spin on things. This bf could be a control freak, not wanting her to see her friends so putting obstacles in her way, making her late, arranging other things. She's going with it so as not to upset the applecart. Maybe she needs your friendship more than you know.

problembottom · 10/08/2017 15:39

You could actually be me, I have a DF who always shows up with her strange boyfriend. Last time I saw her (and him, naturally) she told me they'd recently flown to France for a week to support her best friend, who was struggling after having a baby. Best friend was clearly unhappy about DF bringing him along unannounced and on the second day she went completely nuts and threw them both out! They haven't spoken since, my DF can't understand it...

Jaxhog · 10/08/2017 15:40

YANBU. Keeping you informed is all very well, but it assumes that you have nothing better to do than wait around for her. It's just rude. I'd have blown her off after 30 mins. Politely of course.

Jaxhog · 10/08/2017 15:41

The bf is irrelevant.; He's just an excuse to be rude.

vikingprincess81 · 10/08/2017 15:46

I remember your previous thread, hasn't she been with him for a few years now? Not that it makes that much difference, but they're not in the first flushes of love?
I agree with pps, tell her you're annoyed and don't wait around for her again. Once or twice is fine, plans do change, but to have repeatedly lied/changed her story, it doesn't look great.
Maybe a firm, calm text saying you're not impressed will open up the lines of communication? But next time you make plans, if she's not there by time then just cancel. Don't let her waste any more of your time.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/08/2017 15:48

Stop waiting for her and go, very rude. Don't wait around for her, if she is 10 mins late, go. Don;'t even contact her, as she will get you to wait some more. Tbh this would put me off a friendship.

Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 10/08/2017 15:49

chicken we have been at home as this was the arranged place to be.

laiste she clearly knew her bf was not at work this day so why not let me know sooner. Also going to the gym/holiday shopping why does she need to do them today with prearranged plans? They have been together 3 years and he moved in with her after 4 months.

user I've been in an abusive relationship and she knows this. I only told her and another friend. That's how close we used to be. But I have thought this too maybe. She's always been a social girl.

problem Wow that's extreme! Did she let your friend know she was coming before hand?

jax yes I swear she thinks I do nothing all day. Very glad me and DS went out early this morning for a few hours.

OP posts:
chickenowner · 10/08/2017 15:52

Sorry, misunderstood!!

Well even so, stop waiting for her. Maybe go out!

Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 10/08/2017 15:56

viking yes been together about 3 years so no longer in the honeymoon period. God I hate confrontation but maybe this is the only way I can get the point across.

Sorry chicken didn't mean for that to sound so blunt. Luckily DS is having a nap now so I can have a nice cuppa!

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 10/08/2017 15:58

Your friend is very rude. Tell her how antisocial her behaviour is. Just say you will see when she is free by mutual agreement and without boyfriend, dog or anyone else. Tell her to text when she has concrete plans to see you alone and then wait. My guess is she will leave it until she needs you, then you may hear from her.

Whether you respond is up to you,but in your shoes I would tell her that her behaviour is absolutely unacceptable.

Original poster
Chocolatteandbiscuits · 10/08/2017 16:11

italian I think I do need to say something but not sure how to word it. I think if I message her now it will be very blunt as I'm still quite angry. I hate confrontation but I feel like she's forced me to say something to her

OP posts:
JaneEyre70 · 10/08/2017 16:17

She's behaving really badly, and you don't do that to friends. Regardless of the bf, she's the one making arrangements and not keeping them. I'd just wait until she next wants to meet, and say are we going to actually meet this time or are you just going to mess me around again like the last few times?