My friend and her strange bf

[Chocolatteandbiscuits]

So I was suppose to be seeing my friend today. We were texting yesterday and both said we were free at half 1. I got a text late this morning saying we are now in the city getting holiday bits we won't be done until 2/2.30 but I'll text you when we are done. She's not going away for another 6 weeks! Why pick today to go up the city with your bf when your suppose to be seeing your friend? I thought he was meant to be at work anyway.

Didn't hear from here until half 2 saying we are leaving in 15 mins. Been suit shopping for my bf. Thought they were holiday shopping?? And it takes 30 mins to get to mine. I have to take my DS to his dad's at half 4!

Also her bf is odd, I didn't invite him. She's done this before when we arranged to see each other she brought him and her dog! I don't want her bf knowing my new address. This is the thread about him messaging me: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2998823-aibu-not-to-reply-to-my-friends-dp-messages

So I am being unreasonable or annoyed for no reason??

Really is have let her have both barrells.VBut I think you're just better off and getting rid if the both of them.

She's not a friend, and it seems more hassle than it's worth.

As above, wishy-washy.

Unless you have any reason to believe she's in an abusive relationship you need to be much firmer.

I would send " I am disappointed that you have let me down again. Since you obviously feel that our friendship has run its course, we should both move on. Please do not contact me again, and please ask your DP not to contact me ever again

I stick by my earlier suggestion, but change it to "tell your DP not to TEXT me again."

It lets her know that her behaviour was intolerable.
It also tells her that her DP has been texting you and it must stop.

You sound very passive aggressive & a bit of a doormat.

Tell her the truth, honestly and with courage.
Show the strength that you want your son to copy.

OK I'm really not good with this kind of thing what parts would people suggest I change or add?

Hats I think that's a bit flouncy and final isn't it? I doubt you would send a message like that to a years-long friend. Like most people I'm sure you would state your case calmly and allow your friend the opportunity to process and respond in due course.

OP your message is pretty good.

hats you're right I am passive aggressive I think but didn't realise. I grew up with parents where I couldn't express my opinions openly without being shot down. But I'm trying to change that now hence telling her I'm annoyed. I'd like to salvage the friendship if possible and not be so final

OP, what do you want to happen here? Do you want to maintain this friendship, or have you had enough? I guess that will make it easier to word a text when you know what you want to happen.
If you want her to know she's hurt you, then tell her. If you want her to stick to plans then tell her. It's not easy saying/texting these things, but it might be necessary to salvage the friendship (if that's what you want to do)

I really dislike people that drop their friends like that. I'd be majorly fucked off.

I'd send

Friend you arranged to meet me at 1:30 but instead decided to do stuff with BF leaving me hanging. We were stuck in the house waiting for you when you had no intention of ever coming round despite repeated assurances you'd be here. It's rude to make arrangements and then not stick to them!

Or something like that anyway.

"We were looking forward to seeing you but in the interests of honesty, I am cross that you made a 1.30 arrangement then left me dangling while you went suit shopping and to the gym instead. You wouldn't like to have your time wasted at someone else's disposal and unsurprisingly, nor do I; something to bear in mind going forward. I hope we can rearrange soon...it'll be brilliant to catch up with you etc blah blah"

OP, the Pictish one is getting near it.

Put it this way OP, she knew you had an arrangement,look at when she text you after putting updates on SM.

Do you think she currently cares how you're feeling? Doesn't sound like it.

Im not confrontational but in this situation i would definitely send a text so she knew she'd let me down

She's not arsed about how you were feeling so why should you be? Let her know if shes such a good friend !

She's either a) dropping you because she only cares about the boyfriend now, b) he is a controlling turd who, when he sees she's about to go out with friends, lays on the "but what about me?" and convinces her to spend all day with him, c) is actively telling her to cut her friendships because 'they're all crazy bitches' and 'you only need me', or d) all of the above.

Plus he's a freak who texts you creepy messages.

Maybe he doesn't want you to tell her about the messages.

Just don't text her. Leave the ball in her court. She's damaged your friendship but, for the sake of being a good person, you could just leave things in case she ever needs to reach out when she realises he's a creepy weirdo and needs an escape. If she wants to 'meet up' again say you can't commit to a time because she might swan off to the fucking gym.

Send what Pictish said but add in that you're prepared to wait for her at all in future, plus please ask your DP to stop messaging me.

Don't shoot me for this, but it sounds like he is very controlling of her?

Id just say that you're getting very tired of her chopping and changing arrangements so she can hang out with her boyfriend, and if she does it much more you will not be making any arrangements with her ever again, but will be concentrating on friends that aren't flakey. Tell her there is a child getting messed about in all this too, and it's not nice.

In your other thread you mentioned that she has begun to distance herself from you. This behaviour is a follow-on from that and she will continue to -treat-you-like-shit- mess you around.

I think the BF is behind it and would like nothing more than for the two of you to fall out, so don't give him the satisfaction. Sit back and let her contact you. If she doesn't then let it go, she will need you when it all goes sour so don't let her burn her bridges.

It also wouldn't surprise me if you get another text from him soon.

Arrgghh another strike through fail.

If it were me (and I freely admit I can fly off the handle and be a bit harsh) I would have text 'WTF? Do you think I've had nothing better to do today than sit around waiting?? Just rude.'

I think she's doing this so you're the one to end the friend.It leaves her conscience clear.

I think I would have answered one of her fb posts or at least liked I.

pictish I quite like your wording. May use something similar.
Well I would like to try have a friendship with her but depending on how she takes the text will tell me really.
She could well be in a controlling relationship. I'd like to think Id know the signs as I've been in one myself but you never know. People are good at hiding things. The only thing is that when I was in my controlling relationship I really apologised if I let someone down. Whereas she only said sorry when I sent a bit of a blunt reply and excuse. Felt like she weren't that sorry and just rude. So I don't know

OK so here is the revised text:

We were looking forward to seeing you but in the interests of honesty, I am angry that you said you were free from 1.30 then left me dangling while you went suit/holiday shopping and to the gym instead. I felt me and DS had a wasted afternoon inside. I doubt you'd like a wasted afternoon. I hope we can rearrange soon...it'll be brilliant to catch up with you as we haven't seen you for ages

Well I've sent the text just waiting for a reply, thats if I get one!

OP I like your revised wording

When she does rearrange can you make it just you and her, ask how she is 're the fertility issue and then tell her her bf/dp has texted and ask if the relation is OK?