My friend and her strange bf

[Chocolatteandbiscuits]

So I was suppose to be seeing my friend today. We were texting yesterday and both said we were free at half 1. I got a text late this morning saying we are now in the city getting holiday bits we won't be done until 2/2.30 but I'll text you when we are done. She's not going away for another 6 weeks! Why pick today to go up the city with your bf when your suppose to be seeing your friend? I thought he was meant to be at work anyway.

Didn't hear from here until half 2 saying we are leaving in 15 mins. Been suit shopping for my bf. Thought they were holiday shopping?? And it takes 30 mins to get to mine. I have to take my DS to his dad's at half 4!

Also her bf is odd, I didn't invite him. She's done this before when we arranged to see each other she brought him and her dog! I don't want her bf knowing my new address. This is the thread about him messaging me: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2998823-aibu-not-to-reply-to-my-friends-dp-messages

So I am being unreasonable or annoyed for no reason??

Oh well done! I like your text, hope it works out.

lila thanks feel happy I've done it! She's read it 2 hours ago but no response. I'm glad I've made it clear I weren't happy. Regardless of the outcome at least I've said my piece now

Has she responded yet OP? Hope she's given you an explanation and a proper apology.

I thought that was a good text. Clearly her head is so far up her boyfriend's backside she can't think of a reply, but at least she knows you're not to be walked over!

No reply or apology. But she has posted a picture of her dog on social media just now. I guess I'm not going to get one!

Still no reply, i guess this speaks volumes. Quite sad its turned out this way and she has decided to ignore me

Oh sorry to read this Chocolate. It's so weird and upsetting when friends move on and there isn't an obvious reason. Although I'm guessing in this case Creepy Suit-Buying Messaging Man is part of the reason.

Your text was perfect and you have nothing to reproach yourself for. If she doesn't now apologise and arrange a new plan, then she is not the friend you thought. Either way you were right to say something

I wouldn't have said about making more plans with her tbh. I won't make plans with people who think it's ok to dick me about like this. It's rude and smacks of 'my time is more important than yours.' If her b/f is controlling, then she could have just messgaed earlier with an excuse instead of keeping you hanging around all afternoon.

Thanks for the reassurance . At this rate I was be down to 0 friends. But I'd rather have none than be a doormat! Oh how times have changed!

Yes lila I have a feeling creepy messaging guy is partly behind it.

mypatronus yes I thought that too about texting earlier with an excuse. I just feel like she's not really sorry and couldn't care less. Which makes me wonder is she being controlled or is she, herself just rude.
I'd love to text her saying thanks for the apology about you being so rude. But that's just me being childish!

I wouldn't. Your text was very reasonable and the lack of response or apology tells you all you need to know - she thinks your role is to hang about waiting for her to turn up when it suits her and you are not to get ideas above your station complaining about it.
Fuck. Off.

Thanks pictish just makes me angry she is acting like this. Things began to change when I got my new home back in April. That's when I last saw her too. It's all very strange

From experience, I'd say please just accept that she is how she is and you move on. Leave her behind and enjoy your life.

I'd let her and strange bf go.Change your number and enjoy not being messed around.

I'd give her 6 months and she'll pop back up like nothings happy.

Just don't be that stooge that's all. If she apologises (and that may take time) then good...but if she is annoyed with you or goes no speakies, you know where you stand. Anyone who would fail to apologise for their lack of consideration can be safely removed from the priority put-time-aside list.
I know it's sad but friendships can be transient and changeable. Even the long term ones.

I have a reply!

She said "sorry if you thought I messed you around, I thought you were free from 1pm onwards".

Not to sure of what to make of this. I said I was free at 1 and she said 1.30 so we agreed 1.30. So not sure where it meant I should wait for her to tell me when she's coming round.
I might reply we agreed 1.30 however I don't expect to wait around for you and you to change the times. It's kind of a sorry but I feel I've done nothing wrong!!

Not "sorry I messed you around " But "sorry IF YOU THOUGHT I messed you around "..... not really an apology

Yep. It's non-apology. I'd tell her to stick it to be honest. Rude, self centred bitch. And a liar for that matter.

"I put time aside to see you, not to be left on standby thanks. I don't 'think' you messed me about...you plain messed me about"

Sorry you have the impression that I'm your plan B. And just to clarify, when i agree to meet you at a specific time, I dont mean the plural "you".

I'd say something like "Yes, I was free from 1.00. Then you made an arrangement with me to meet at 1.30 so from 1.30 I was waiting for you to turn up as arranged. I felt hurt to hear your updates of what you were doing while I was waiting for you to arrive. if you do want to meet up with me, just the two of us, I'm happy to do that but this time let's make a plan and both stock to it." Or words to that affect.

If you want an apology you could say"Do I get an apology for you not turning up when I waited in all Afternoon?" But I honestly doubt you will get one so I would not bother asking!

If she tries to engage you in plan with her boyfriend I'd say "I want to meet up just us girls."

Don't let her twist this. No apologies from you etc.

I like that retort Italiangreyhound. Otherwise leave her be and don't bother trying to make more plans, it's not worth it. She's too flaky.

I'd say, "No, we agreed to meet at 1.30pm."

I would drop her. Life is too short for this shite.

I like italiangreyhound's response - the first paragraph is perfect. I wouldn't bother asking for an apology it doesn't mean anything unless it actually comes from her.

If she genuinely misunderstood ( which I sincerely doubt) then she would be apologetic. I would be mortified if I had left a friend hanging all afternoon like this

Did you send her anything yet?

Thanks for your replies. No fruit I haven't yet as my DS is ill so been seeing to him. Tbh I don't feel she's the same person anymore and if I'm honest when I was going through a hard time over Xmas she weren't really there.

So I may just say something like yes I was free from one to see you. You said at 1.30. I didn't expect to be waiting until after 3 while you did bits with your bf. Me and DS could have gone out. I don't think you messed me around, you did!