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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this mum in the coffee shop

826 replies

Sallygoroundthemoon · 10/08/2017 11:54

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

OP posts:
kateyio · 10/08/2017 14:49

HI

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 10/08/2017 14:50

4691, if you read to the children in a reasonable volume, most of people wouldn't even notice, or think nothing of it, I'm sure.

True, but as none of us apart from the OP was actually there, how we do know it was in fact a bellowing voice (if it was Brian Blessed loud reading they may have a point Grin )

kateyio · 10/08/2017 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 10/08/2017 14:52

Yes but how loud is the therapists voice?

Getoutofthatgarden · 10/08/2017 14:52

But a coffee shop, where people are talking and moving, for sure they can run around. The shop will tell me to pipe down if necessary, but I have never been told

Oh my goodness...No no no no. Running around is for outside, soft-play, park, activities, days out, absolutely not a cafe. Do you let them run around inside your own home? Mine don't, they're told to go outside if they want to run around.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 10/08/2017 14:54

Reported kateyio fuck knows what's in her coffee.

Neutrogena must be on the wind up, surely. No one can be that ignorant. Sounds like my sim does a better job of controlling her toddlers when I accidently leave the game unpaused and leave the room Grin

purpledonkey · 10/08/2017 14:56

Mumsnet should be renamed Moansnet

StealthPolarBear · 10/08/2017 15:00

Does no one else thinking shouting in her ear and throwing coffee at her is a bit of a hypothetically violent over reaction?
Just me in the corner in my judge pants then?

DotForShort · 10/08/2017 15:03

Performance parenting has given me hours of entertainment. The best place to witness it seems to be the supermarket. So much scope for the dedicated performance parent: organic vegetables, exotic fruits, quinoa galore. Grin

MadMags · 10/08/2017 15:06

I think you're taking it far too literally, Stealth.

I'm sure nobody thinks the poster would actually do that.

Getoutofthatgarden · 10/08/2017 15:08

I know a woman from a few years back, whose child attended the same nursery as mine, who would put on a parenting performance every day in front of other parents. She would make a big fuss of carrying her 3 year old into the nursery, fuss loudly all over her, act is if leaving her there was such an ordeal for her and shout really loudly on her way out the door "love you Tabitha Wabitha"...Couple of years later our kids get the same bus to school...Guess who couldn't be arsed to be at home on time for the school bus drop off?

I used to have a neighbour who was a performance parenting fan in public...she must've forgot that I had first hand knowledge of her ignoring her DD for hours at home and I would be the one to have to constantly supervise her DD when she was out playing with my DD. She actually went to bed a few times and didn't say...left her 4 year old out playing while she went to sleep.

KimmySchmidt1 · 10/08/2017 15:09

slow clap at the end of the next one.

RudeDog · 10/08/2017 15:09

So many people don't seem to get this thread

Parenting - doing something for the benefit of your child
Performance parenting - doing something to make you look good and not necessarily for benefit of your child (who usually look bored/disinterested anyway)

Arealhumanbeing · 10/08/2017 15:11

It's absolutely infuriating. YANBU.

However I do agree it's very likely to be down to insecurity. The place some people go to in their minds after having children can be frightening to watch.

LockedOutOfMN · 10/08/2017 15:12

OP, the lady reading aloud is BU. Better if she asked the child to read to her or, if it's too young, just to chat (quietly) with the child about what's in the pictures.

StealthPolarBear · 10/08/2017 15:13

So she's just threatening violence. Lovely.

Glumglowworm · 10/08/2017 15:15

Anyone who lets their children run around in a coffee shop is a shit parent imo

Control your children! You're putting them and others in danger by refusing to fucking parent them. If they can't sit still then don't go to coffee shops until they can sit still.

MaisyPops · 10/08/2017 15:22

Really it comes down to common sense and basic manners.

Child or no child, single person or with a group, people should have manners and show some consideration for others.

I can't stand the idea of 'if you want peace go to a library or stay at home'. I don't want silence, I'm perfectly happy with all levels of reasonable chatter. Key word is reasonable.

demirose87 · 10/08/2017 15:22

When we're all out in public, it's about showing respect for others. We are all entitled go and sit in a coffee shop, children included, but it's not the place to let them run wild. It's an accident waiting to happen and disrespectful to other customers who want a quiet coffee and to read a book. Same as an adult going in screaming and shouting and playing loud music would be disrespectful. And I have four children but there's no way I'd allow them to do whatever the hell they like in a place like that.

Alancarr · 10/08/2017 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh · 10/08/2017 15:25

How is this different to women chatting and someone chatting on their phone?

'However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts'

'Top of her voice' and 'shouts' appear to be the difference.

StealthPolarBear · 10/08/2017 15:26

People do know the woman in the op wasn't letting her toddler run about don't they?

CockacidalManiac · 10/08/2017 15:31

I'd ban Neutrogena and her kids from any shop or business of mine.
Why are people getting so huffy about this? What's with all this 'parents just can't do the right thing?' shit? Are they really too dim to see the difference between reading to your children and making a grand performance of it? Really?!

SoupDragon · 10/08/2017 15:35

So many people don't seem to get this thread

Parenting - doing something for the benefit of your child
Performance parenting - some made up bollocks to belittle other parents

Is more like it.

Jaxhog · 10/08/2017 15:45

YANBU. Performance parenting - good description!

I really hate it when other people think I should be respectful of them, but they don't feel they need to be respectful of me. It's not self centered to want a little peace and quiet. It's self centered to shout and scream, whether an adult or a child.

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