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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this mum in the coffee shop

826 replies

Sallygoroundthemoon · 10/08/2017 11:54

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 10/08/2017 14:22

Well done you.

Neutrogena · 10/08/2017 14:23

@Hissy

I'm not saying burns are 'acceptable' or 'nothing' but I am talking about the risk of being burnt is very low.
I bet far more kids are burnt in the home than in coffee shops.

SelmaAndJubjub · 10/08/2017 14:25

I'm not having a go at anyone with SN, Stealth - quite the opposite. I'm complaining about posters who repeatedly and tediously derail threads. It's perfectly obvious that the OP is a light-hearted rant about performance parenting and not aimed at anyone with speech or hearing problems. As the carer for a child with SN, I hate the trivialising of the issues she faces by having them dragged in to derail threads and justify crap/inconsiderate parenting.

I strongly suspect that a lot of the BWASN derailers don't actually have a child with SN. It's just a form of sancti-mumism, aimed at deflating light-hearted threads.

mrsrhodgilbert · 10/08/2017 14:25

That's because all other staff and customers are having to adapt their behaviour because your child is being allowed to be a danger to others

Mrsretrobee · 10/08/2017 14:25

I shouldn't, but I can't stop laughing. I get easily annoyed with loud people as it is and if I was in your shoes, I think I would be twitching to say something. I know some great parents and none of them would like to see 'show parenting'. Especially in a public place with other humans from different walks of life around.

BurgundyCloak · 10/08/2017 14:27

My neighbours are fans of loud performance parenting especially when they know I'm in the garden and can hear them.
Yes darling, oh that's wonderful darling, you're so clever darling. No darling don't do that, darling you're being a little bit of a monkey now aren't you, darling? (Deffo not the child's name.)
They seem to forget that I can also hear when their toddler drops a toy and says 'Fuck sake' Grin and when they are losing their shit trying to get out the front door in the morning (like us).

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 10/08/2017 14:28
  • Ignore your kids and leave them to their own devices while they get bored and restless as you scoff cake and talk to your friends.
Get moaned at (look at her, won't get her head out of her phone or too busy waffling to her mates to bother about her kids.)
  • Engage with your children and read them a story to keep them occupied. (Stupid cow, what a show off, bet she doesn't read to her kids at home, it's all for show.)

Fk me, just goes to show you can't win whatever you do, there's always going to be some miserable twat taking offence somewhere.

KimchiLaLa · 10/08/2017 14:29

My SIL is notorious for this. TBH it's embarrassing and DH thinks so too. We find it amusing as any chance she gets she dumps the kids on my in laws.

squoosh · 10/08/2017 14:31

I'm a fan of an old fashioned 'SSHHHHH'.

squoosh · 10/08/2017 14:33

Haggis are you quite sure you can't picture a middle ground between ignoring a child and bellowing storytime at them in a public place?

FuckYouLinda · 10/08/2017 14:33

I waitresses for years. The folk who leave their bag straps trailing on the floor or bags in walkway areas or parents who let their toddlers run riot are fuckers.

I've had scalds from teas and coffees and soups. They are agonising.

You say that you take the risk on behalf of your child - no you fucking don't - you don't get to make a dangerous choice for your child like that. It's your fucking job to keep them from getting scalded in a busy environment like a coffee shop. Performance Parent all you like about your snowflake expressing themselves up and down the restaurant, but I will be judging you. And your parenting.

drspouse · 10/08/2017 14:33

I shout at my DCs in the garden AND in the house.
Is that better?

TeamCersei · 10/08/2017 14:34

I shouldn't, but I can't stop laughing. I get easily annoyed with loud people as it is and if I was in your shoes, I think I would be twitching to say something

I would be tempted to do a very slow hand clap and shout Bravo! Bravo!
Splendid Performance!
But I'm not brave enough Smile

drspouse · 10/08/2017 14:35

(Mind you, the neighbours on the LHS are often in their garden - and we know them well - whereas the neighbours on the RHS share a staircase wall so probably hear the shouting more. Maybe that's why they don't seem to chat much, we already knew the other neighbours so they have perhaps not been put off by me shouting NO do not throw gravel and ALSO do not put it in the drain and STOP taking the earth out of that flower pot).

Neutrogena · 10/08/2017 14:37

@Dustbunny

I'd be way too mortified to red in a loud silly voice and draw attention. In fact when I'm in public ( with or without my boys) I do everything I can NOT to attract anyone attention. I can't imagine WANTING all eyes on you ugh

Most people who put on voices are doing it to entertain their children. They are oblivious to the others around them.
t's none of my business what others think of me. I need to stay out of their heads. To worry what they do think of me is neuroticism.

user789653241 · 10/08/2017 14:38

4691, if you read to the children in a reasonable volume, most of people wouldn't even notice, or think nothing of it, I'm sure. Grin

squoosh · 10/08/2017 14:38

But a coffee shop, where people are talking and moving, for sure they can run around.

Run around inside a coffee shop?

I'd soon tell your darlings to stop running around. You'd then probably throw a hissy fit so I'd tell you to pipe down too.

MadMags · 10/08/2017 14:39

People on these threads always miss the point. Whether they are being deliberately obtuse or not, I don't know. (I suspect from noticing the username that one poster is being deliberately contentious for the sake of it.)

Oh yes, how very AWFUL for a PARENT to PARENT her child. We must NEVER allow parents out.

It's fucking ridiculous and obvious to anyone with half a brain cell that that's not what OP means.

HotNatured · 10/08/2017 14:41

Neutrogena

You sound really annoying Hmm

I hope I never have the displeasure of trying to enjoy a sit down and a coffee in the same café as you and your feral kids

Your parenting style breeds horrible brats.

Neutrogena · 10/08/2017 14:41

@FuckyouLinda

You say that you take the risk on behalf of your child - no you fucking don't - you don't get to make a dangerous choice for your child like that. It's your fucking job to keep them from getting scalded in a busy environment like a coffee shop. Performance Parent all you like about your snowflake expressing themselves up and down the restaurant, but I will be judging you. And your parenting.

I do make decisions like that. I make decisions about letting them climb trees, stroke dogs, play on climbing frames, etc
All involve risk.

I don't care what you think about my parenting. That's just it.

I parent my kids, and if that involves silly loud voices or running around, so be it. Your opinion doesn't concern me. If I look a tit, so what?

squoosh · 10/08/2017 14:44

I do make decisions like that. I make decisions about letting them climb trees, stroke dogs, play on climbing frames, etc
All involve risk.

All outdoor things. Knock yourself out, but letting your kids run wild in a coffee shop? That's shitty parenting.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 10/08/2017 14:44

The park is for running.
The coffee shop is for drinking, sitting down and quietly chatting/quietly reading.
The panto is for shouting.

Neutrogena · 10/08/2017 14:44

@squoosh

I'd soon tell your darlings to stop running around. You'd then probably throw a hissy fit so I'd tell you to pipe down too.

That's ok. I don't mind if you told my children off.
I don't think only the parents can tell a child off.
Problem is, most people are too cowardly to say anything.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 10/08/2017 14:47

Has nobody mentioned it's not just the child running that can get scalded? What about other customers? Waiting staff? I cba to rtft. Sorry neutrogena but I don't get where you are coming from at all.

Spikeyball · 10/08/2017 14:48

Who's to say anyone on here has the child they claim they have Selma.