About this mum in the coffee shop

[Sallygoroundthemoon]

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

When I take my DCs for coffee, we have a giggle and a natter. We quietly laugh at the other people and discuss normal things. Books are for bed time or quiet times at home.

and that's how you engage with your children.

At the risk of sounding like a stuck record.
Be natural. don't be like Brian Blessed on crack
Your children will thank you for it.

@nonfatnofoamlatte

A risk i sometimes take, yes.
I dont mind if anyone tells me or the kids to quiet or calm down (a lot of people on this thread said they would say something and I expect this is a broad coss section of society). We're obviously being considerate enough as no-one has said anything negative. In fact, I have had positive feedback. It makes me wonder if this just a big fuss over nothing....

This thread is bloody appropriate to my life at the moment. I don't really mind OTT reading aloud...though it is irksome as fuck when the mother/father doing it keeps trying to catch other people's eyes...
What really gets me is the admission by at least one poster that they allow their child to run wild and don't give a shit about whether it's annoying. My DD is part if a great group of friends.. lovely girls, every one of them. But whenever we take them out, I am the only parent who reins them in when they literally run wild...I'mtalking cartwheels indoors, taking over cafes, screaming and chasing one another. The others look at me indulgently, like I'm some uptight weirdo for expecting them to behave and it makes me absolutely crazy.

I regularly read to my kids in coffee shops BUT we do it quietly and discreetly. We all like books and often have our noses stuck in something. I can't abide loud parenting of any type

Despicable.

It's terrible parenting. I can't believe they would actually have the audacity to read their young child a book in a coffee shop.

I have absolutely no doubt that they were doing this solely for your benefit and the benefit of other adults in said coffee shop and am quite frankly appalled.

What they have not considered (while so busily dedicating their time to showing off) is that as a side effect, their children may actually enjoy the company of parent and that this shared reading might not only foster a loving bond between them but, far worse, a lifelong love of books.

Am also concerned this parent seems to have forgotten to use iPad as means of silencing child as referenced to as being the preferred option --to be condemned for in several recent mumsnet threads. Yes being enchanted by a story with all the --funny awful voices might keep the child quiet for a bit, but at what cost?

OP have you considered reporting this woman? It's tantamount to abuse.

Ps I'm so sorry you had to witness that

Here for a hand-hold if you need it tonight OP

We have quite a laugh together about our books. They are usually quite funny and daft

Oops - strikethrough was meant to appear to cross out words 'funny' (as funny voices in book were clearly anything but) and 'be condemned for'.

Mizk I completely agree with you, I started a post a while ago about parents not controlling their offspring. I was roasted alive, there were so many who said it was their children's right to roam free and if they got in other people's way it was not their fault. There were so many posts on the rights of toddlers and how those of us who didn't like it were nasty child haters.

best piece of performance parenting I've ever seen was a mother going on and on to her daughter who looked about 5 about how we only buy fresh organic ingredients and lentils and we make our own pasta sauce because of the sugar in jars etc etc. aren't you lucky to have a mummy who loves you and cooks your meals from scratch without all those yukky chemicals? and the daughter looked thoughtful and said 'but Dad does all the cooking'

Greebolsthat's the funniest pp I've heard

I read to my son in coffee shops because he's autistic and books are the only thing he has any interest in. Complete with character voices as otherwise it's not 'right' and he gets upset. I try not to do it at the top of my voice though and don't give a fuck if people are watching / listening. Me reading a book is probably preferable to him crying or making his loud noises. And please don't tell me I shouldn't be in a coffee shop with him bevause if I can't have an hour with adult company occasionally my head would explode. Maybe she was just trying to keep her kid quiet OP.

Kids are great, Greebo.

Am I the only person here that thinks that mum sounds awesome? I find all the hostility on this thread so depressing!! Whenever I see another mum reading a story to her child really well (not in a boring mumble) I'm always really impressed and don't feel anything negative in the slightest. Come on, coffee shops are for everyone. It's the mums who try and keep them only for grown ups by ignoring their children by glueing them silently to iPads that make my heckles rise.

Re using tablets in cafés: the café that we frequent has WiFi and we don't. DS2 watches Ninjago on Netflix while waiting for his food to arrive. 😆

Am I the only person here that thinks that mum sounds awesome?
Nope.
Not feeling it.
She sounds like she was an annoying twat.
I bet her child wasn't enjoying it either and was probably thinking
ffks Mum stfu.

@simiisme

The Performance parents on here have pretty much outed themselves.

Oh hell yeah! There's a half dozen or more on this thread now!!!

And they can't see what grotesquely entitled-to oiks they are! No point in engaging anymore with them. I'm not wasting anymore of MY time doing that. They're far too precious and entitled to see their behaviour is embarrassing and cringeworthy, and everyone is laughing at them behind their back!

YABU. It's not about you - it's about the woman and her child. Any parents looking around are probably worried about the judgy so-and-sos everywhere. , not trying to catch people's eyes. If you think that, you think the world is revolving around you when they most likely don't even you're there. It's interesting how the parents being criticised for actually engaging with their children in public are overwhelmingly mothers. Maybe the problem is really residual guilt at not interacting with (general, not OP-specific) your children as well as they do.

I wonder if anyone else in the coffee shop noticed her reading the story? If there was general unease, then there was a problem. But I bet no one else paid her the lightest bit of attention.

tbh sounds like she's interacting with her children, good on her, why shouldn't she. If she's being loud maybe she hasn't realised it and just got caught up in the story and the time she's spending with her kids. As far as comments on people talking to there children about there days weeks etc, doing nursery rhymes its not performance parenting, it's helping your child to develop skills and learn. No one can rely on just schools to educate their children these days, funding cuts, staff cuts, and generally rubbish education system these days. Doing these things regularly help children develop social, speech, reading and number skills and yes I am guilty of talking to my kids on the bus about what people think are mundane things, we sing annoying nursery rhymes that even annoy the hell out of me. We read books in the dentist, hospital and doctors reception rooms. We don't get complaints from people or dirty looks or anything for it not that I'd notice dirty looks tbh. I don't believe in the philosophy that children should be seen and not heard. As long as they aren't vandalising, hurting people, being disrespectful ect if someone had a problem with the way I interact with my children then it's tough. That's all I'm seeing so far from the negative comments on this thread.

It is about the VOLUME of daft sound.

Not the daft sound itself.

But we are being so mean.

The worst example of PP I was ever unfortunate enough to witness and experience was this.

We were parked on the top level of a multi story car park.
We get to the lifts and find the lifts are out of order.
No problem. You would think

Unfortunately for us (and the rest of people trying to get to ground level)
there was this woman in front of us who, with her son of about 3 yo, insisted on walking down the entire flight of 6 stories, very slowly, whilst loudly and slowly counting every friggin step.

There was no getting passed her.
It was all:
^What comes after 1, what comes after 2, way!!!! AREN'T you good.
What comes after 3, what comes after 4, that's right 5! Wah fucking Hoo!
Accompanied by a load of hoo ha and clapping after each step and much looking around to see if we were as impressed as she was.

The woman had zero social awareness. She gave not a fuck that there were 30+ people backed up behind her.
No, it was all about her and her toddler 'counting the steps' and taking their time.
This painstaking procedure took at least 20 minutes.

If she had had some social awareness, she would have picked her son up and carried him down, or stepped to one side to let others pass.
But she was more intent on teaching him a lesson. A lesson in counting.
But there's a time and a place for everything. That wasn't the time, or the place.

Helendipity I just roared with laughter - spot on

YANBU. I don't like the loudness or PP aspect. More frequent & disturbing is the tinny noise from a game on a phone or tablet. I'd far rather hear the child than have the noise of that, it's not quiet - unless they have the volume low AND wearing headphones (never).
I have read to my DD when we were in a cafe, albeit quietly & one tone. I think it's healthy to normalise reading books in public & DD (now 10) always thinks to take a book to read on the bus, waiting room etc.
Agree with the suggestion of taking your coffee with you & taking them to the park if you are not going to be responsible for the child's behaviour around others with hot drinks. Take the PP with you please.

Becoming annoyed by someone bellowing in your ear like they're the only ones there isn't mother -shaming..talking about how "at least she's not letting her play games on the iPad or letting them eat sweets!" IS mommy shaming. What's it to you whether the kids watching videos (so long as the volume isn't assaulting other passengers)
Besides the fact that performance parents are some of the most judgmental shamers themselves ,who want to let us know they aren't feeding their kids non organic/non vegan fruit snacks like those other selfish careless mothers!

Really LOUD squealy/shouty stuff while reading a book could get irritating. But I can't believe that there are posters on this thread who are actually saying that "books are for bedtime, parents shouldn't read books to kids in public and if they do then they are showing off." I think that says an awful lot, really.

Whether the OP is really being U depends on the volume at which the reading was going on. If it was really LOUD, then fine. But reading at a reasonable volume is just one of the activities that may be going on in a cafe. If you want complete freedom from other people's sounds, bring your headphones or earplugs.