About this mum in the coffee shop

[Sallygoroundthemoon]

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

This thread is really annoying, you do not know anything about the parent or childs background- everything that is being said on here about 'performance parenting' is exactly what speech and language therapists and RDI professionals instruct parents to do with children who have SEN such as autism. How dare you think you have the right to criticise these parents?

Why do children have to be read to when they're out?

Well, sometimes when our schedule is busy, it is the only reading time we actually have in a day. Like if we have to fit swimming in after school, and will be getting back late and then having to go to bed straight away. On a day like that, we will be sharing a book on the train on the way home. Not with unnecessarily loud voices and so on, but yes, we will be subjecting the other passengers to the horror of a book being read in public. I had no idea that this was an unpleasant thing to do.

I suppose I could just stop taking my child swimming, and then be damned as one of those irresponsible parents who fails to teach their child to swim.

Call me old fashioned but....yes, reading to loudly (voices etc) is for home.NOT a flippin cafe.

@Alltheprettyseahorses, I quite agree. I haven't defended the parents reading loudly to their children (and singing nursery rhymes is particularly cringeworthy imo), I think it should be done in a normal voice so as not to annoy the other diners.

But I find it very hard to believe that these parents are doing it to perform to the public, I couldn't care less what other people think of my parenting when I'm in a cafe with my DDs. I think you have such an inflated view of your own importance.

And no, I am not a closet Performance Parenter, I hate being noticed at all, and if my DDs misbehave I'm mortified.

For most parents, taking small children out and about is stressful, if they are performing it's for their DCs' benefit not yours because they're trying to keep them from running wild or throwing tantrums, which would piss you off even more.

Performance parenting?

What nonsense. They are not performing, they are engaging with their dc and probably trying to teach them stuff as they go about their daily lives.

I have never come across this sort of thing, loud parents yes, inconsiderate parents yes oblivious parents yes! But never parents who perform for complete strangers. You might think that because you don't interact with your dc that way or have a different way of talking in general, different mannerism.

You'd probably think I was performing as a parent when I chat to my dd about the buses we see, the numbers on the buses, can they tell me what time the next one will arrive and read out where it will go, playing 'I spy' in two languages on a semi empty bus to pass time rather than silencing dc with a video on youtube. I might talk loudly too not to show anyone that I am a great parent I am but to engage with dc when there is a lot f background noise. I should add that I am very considerate to others and will not allow any rude behaviour from my dc toward me or others. But I chat with them ALL THE TIME, a home and outside. And I try to teach them stuff or encourage their thinking when I can, judge away, it'l just affect your blood pressure, not mine.

YY to the above.

I talk to my child and teach her stuff for her benefit, not to impress strangers. I do it in the country where I live, where most of the strangers surrounding me don't even speak English properly and can't understand what I'm saying to her.

I don't do it loudly or use silly voices. But there are actually posters on here expressing disgust at the idea of a parent in an art gallery talking to their child about the paintings and the painters. How sad.

I suspect there are a lot of childfree-and-childhating posters on this thread.

But there are actually posters on here expressing disgust at the idea of a parent in an art gallery talking to their child about the paintings and the painters. How sad.

I missed that. Can you point the particular post out?

Never understood performance parenting. I find it very cringeworthy!

Have not RTFT sorry so someone may have mentioned this but....you've made Australia OP!! Lol. I looked up 'performance parenting' in Google and this blog popped up. Quotes you and everything!

www.essentialbaby.com.au/baby/life-with-a-baby/is-performance-parenting-a-thing-20170811-gxu45v

Marythecanary. Yet again you are missing the point the poster about the art was commenting on the mother as follows Oh LOOK, Hugo! These are paintings by VAN GOGH. Can you say 'Van Gogh'? He was from Holland. We went to Holland, didn't we? And we took you to lots of galleries and museums there because we are such excellent parents and at no point did we take you to soft play because that would be common. Now, WHAT FLOWERS ARE THESE? Yes, they're SUNFLOWERS, are they? Now, let's all sing the song you learnt about sunflowers at Middle-class Mummy & Toddler Club. This is performance parenting because the only reason you would say this in a super loud voice in public is not for the benefit of your child it so others think wow what an amazing parent.

Well thank heaven to above posters.restoring my faith a little.

Ah so that's the post in question. Not quite how Mary described it is it? I don't see that as 'disgust' at a parent talking to their child about art.

I wonder what it was in your post kate that warranted it being deleted.

Oh and by the way I'm not child free marythecanary I have two well educated, well travelled children who can converse in public and sit at a table without running amock. but when I speak to my children I don't feel the need to screech about what we've done so everyone else is in awe!!!

I suspect there are a lot of childfree-and-childhating posters on this thread.

I'm neither of those things either. Do you meet many childfree-childhaters? Do you happen to think most childfree people are childhaters?

I suspect there are a lot of childfree-and-childhating posters on this thread.

I'm neither of those things either. Do you meet many childfree-childhaters? Do you happen to think most childfree people are childhaters?

It's not something I've ever seen, or maybe I just let other people get on with their own lives rather than worrying about who they're trying to impress??

Like they would really be concerned what a bunch of strangers thought of their parenting!! They probably barely saw you.

"This is performance parenting because the only reason you would say this in a super loud voice in public is not for the benefit of your child it so others think wow what an amazing parent."

No it most probably isn't.
Why to ask the child to repeat Van Gogh? It's an odd name for English speakers and the child repeating the name helps him to engage with this strangeness that is the gallery and the name. Mentioning going to Hollande and to Galleries gives context.

If anything, these parents are keenly aware about the importance of education. And they are keen for their dc to be open minded to new and different stuff such as strange Dutch art, what's wrong with that?

Why do we Brits have such an issue with being educated and cultured? It's tall poppy syndrome isn't it?

To those moaning about performance parenting it's a figment of your imagination. These parents you get irrupted by don't care about you or your reaction, they jus interact with their kids in their own way. If they sound a bit full on they probably sound just like that in the privacy of their home.

Allthepretty
If op was over at the other side of the cafe and it was disturbing her then I would reckon the people next to the woman were pretty pissed with her too.

Salutnotme. I don't have an issue with being well educated or cultured and I'm very proud my children are I just don't feel the need to ram it down everyone else's throats. I discuss culture and educate my children daily but I don't need to do it in a loud voice to tell everyone else how cultured we are or that we only eat organic food etc. By doing this these pp's are actually coming over as uncultured, uneducated inverted snobs by suggesting they and their children are better than everyone else because they don't eat chicken nuggets and go to soft play. Only puy lentils and the V&A for us darling!!!

Salutnotme You have explained it perfectly.

OMG Daffodil projection much? Chip and shoulder come to mind.

They are unlikely to care about you or your opinion. Thy probably don't even notice you. Such insecurity!

How dare you think you have the right to criticise these parents?

sima I am the parent of an autistic child with a speech delay. Loud unnecessary shrieks make my child jump out of his skin. Every time. No SALT professional we have ever been involved in has suggested I shriek at DS. Animated stories can be performed without yelling across a cafe.

*with not in.

MaryTheCanary

I suspect there are a lot of childfree-and-childhating posters on this thread.

I suspect YOU might be scraping the bottom of the barrel now! Oh dear...