About this mum in the coffee shop

[Sallygoroundthemoon]

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

I can tell when someone is self consciously parenting. There's a particular tone and volume; pausing and glancing around; clear enunciation as if they are on stage and that's how it comes across - staged.
The children often a particular kind of name which is used often and loudly: Tarquin, Jemima, Henrietta, Florian all come to mind.

User

Maybe you should read the whole thread (including ops first post) there are plenty examples to chose from.

Normal talking, reading etc is fine doing it at the top of your voice is not. Which part of that is so difficult to understand?

BIL is a performance parent for Facebook. All over DN in his massive Brian Blessed voice but as soon as the photo/video is uploaded onto fb he's back to his usual shit parent self.

Each to their own yes reading very loudly and very animatedly isn't on in a quiet place but to the person who said they'd commented to a couple loudly praising their child "good loud parenting" they would have deserved more than a nasty look if they'd said that to me. I'd rather hear loud praise to a child (can't remember who posted it), than loud swearing. Have they ever thought the child could have hearing difficulties? I know a family who's son has hearing aids but doesn't always wear them and they have adjusted to speak louder than normal for him.

Performance parents are annoying, however not quite as annoying as the parents who have got no concept of how to control their children. I took a 5,3 and 1 year old to a coffee shop this morning for an organised social meet-up for a local council initiative. I brought toys and crayons, one little boy decides to literally clamber on top of our table to get to them, knocks my jug of milk for my tea all over the place. I had to stand up and shout, "whose child is this?" Complete wet blanket mother comes sauntering over. "oh what is he doing now?" Surely that is the point you get the toddler off the table? No, she just tried to reason with him. I just picked him up and put him down and he ran off. Honestly I got 3 of the little terrors I ain't parenting yours too!

Omg 🙈
Seriously ? So the hissing of the Mill steamer, coffee beans being ground , music playing, people buzzing with general chat ...
And the only sound that's offensive is a parent reading aloud to her child?
I'm getting pretty fed up with this so I'm gunna speak my mind .
It seems parents can't win these days
Go to a coffee shop and struggle with the kids you're getting flamed .
Don't "engage" them and you're flamed .
Engaged them and you're flamed for engaging them too loudly .
Basically it seems less about noise and more about who it comes from!
Booo hisssss it's a parent in a public space! Quick let me grab my phone and hang them out to dry on Mumsnet .
I'm all for being considerate with my children , believe me I can have five of them out and about and keeping them in order is of the utmost importance, to demonstrate consideration for others as well as teaching them respect ...,
HOWEVER !
There's nothing but witch hunting on here !
Take a long hard look at your judgmental selves .

Oh ffs stop with the snippy "I read to my child what's wrong with that??" replies 🙄🙄🙄

Nobody is criticising anyone who reads to or otherwise entertains their child.

It. Is. The. VOLUME that people find irritating.

Alex

Ffs get a grip and RTFT

Reminds me of a torturous coach journey during which awfully posh mummy and equally awfully posh young (prob 12 or 13 year old) daughters played a VERY LOUD and endless game called The Parsons Cat all the way home.

It's designed to improve/test vocabulary in normal people.
For performance mummy and performance daughters, it's designed to show off vocabulary.

For example, "The parsons cat is an active cat" then the next person says "The parsons cat is an amiable cat" and so on until you run out of adjectives beginning with A. Then you move on to B.

But of course you use words like "Apoplectic" and "Abhorrent" VERY VERY loudly. Even though it's nearly midnight and there are tired younger kids snoozing.

And no, none of them were hard of hearing or had SN.

The Parsons Cat!

Oh that's really tickled me that has!

@ Neutrogena
Children are children - running, screaming, etc are part of their makeup. They don't always do that, but sometimes.

I take the risk if they get scolded by a drink. That's my responsibility, I agree, but a risk I am willing to take on their behalf.

No, Neutrogena, just no! You're willing to take the risk that your children will be scalded because you let them run wild in a coffee shop? That's just crazy and foolish. Don't take them to coffee shops if you can't control them - get your coffee to go and take them to the park where they can run free and wild. To let them risk being scalded (not to mention the person with the tray being scalded too) is mind boggling!

I worry that I might look a bit performance parenty at times when I am talking to my son as I am hearing impaired and am prone to talking loudly because of this

It was awful. It was also clear that everyone else on the coach was experiencing the same heart pounding, arm-of-the-seat-gripping, teeth gritting, eye twitching fury but of course the likes of Mrs Parson tend to be oblivious 🙄

Haha i think I'm one them mums. i do it in the house and out though. Always singing or story reading i blame it on my job though as I've always worked with kids. And I'm probably louder than I realise. I'll try and keep it down.

Awful thread. Lots of reverse snobbery here. Lots of nice references to 'Tarquin, Persephone, avocado & quinoa'. Middle class bingo. Most of these parents are just trying to do their best and probably don't give a crap about what you think.

Haha I learned it as "the ministers cat" and it was one of those groany "educational games" we were forced to play. Though never in public 🙈
It's not just parents, it's anyone really loud and obnoxious and covert braggarts.

Jesus Christ ,give the kid a cookie and a fruit shoot and stfu.
Hate this pp bullshit .
embarrasing

For the millionth time, you can read and engage with your kids! The way some people are going on you'd think people have said 'you should never engage with your child in public ever' clearly the idea of loud inconsiderate parenting has hit a few nerves

Read to your kids, talk to your kids, laugh with your kids, do wondeful educational things with them, hell give them a tablet to play on... just do so in a way that is appropriate for the setting and considerate of others. It's not difficult.

CaffeineBomb If you're conscious and considerate (which it sounds like you are) then you are probably not a performance parent even if you use a slightly louder tone.

YANBU. Whatever happened to talking? When I take my DCs for coffee, we have a giggle and a natter. We quietly laugh at the other people and discuss normal things. Books are for bed time or quiet times at home.

Exactly.

Argh I know someone who acts like this in public. It drives me nuts!!! 🤢🤢🤢

I can tell when someone is self consciously parenting. There's a particular tone and volume; pausing and glancing around; clear enunciation as if they are on stage and that's how it comes across - staged.

Like I said, just act normal with your children.
False performance parenting is like the difference between a false smile and a genuine smile.
People (and children) can instinctively tell the difference between the two.

Awful thread. Lots of reverse snobbery here. Lots of nice references to 'Tarquin, Persephone, avocado & quinoa

That'll be me
as you were

I aim for engaged, secure and discrete parenting - I talk to my children, play word games, point out interesting things, but I am responding to their needs, two hf ASD children now aged 11 and 13 and an NT 8 yo who gets anxious on trains. They need to be engaged and are more likely to get anxious or upset if I don't keep them calm and aware of their surroundings, what is happening, what is going to happen next. The only time there is a performance aspect is down to the children - ds likes to demonstrate his historical knowledge and test his sister's on theirs but I don't interfere unless they are getting rowdy or annoying. No doubt occasionally my kids have irritated people, just as I have been irritated by other people and their children, But if we are being considerate and the children are behaving appropriately then I don't worry.

Performance parenting, is just inconsiderate behaviour, I don't get annoyed by parents talking, reading aloud or even singing with their children, its all good as long as it doesn't intrude on other people unnecessarily.

I don't think I mentioned avocado & quinoa

We quietly laugh at the other people

What do you mean by that?

If you mean make fun of people, I'd rather you read books out loud.