About this mum in the coffee shop

[Sallygoroundthemoon]

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

*generally been

Maisy - I imagine you're talking about me.

It's none of my business what people think of me, which is a bit different to I don't care what people think of me.
Me and my children do behave well most of the time, but sometimes not.
Nothing worse than a woman with a wailing child and as well as the child distressing the mother, she's really embarrassed too. I don't want women in that situation to feel bad.

maisy

But that doesn't really address the fact that too many people seem keen to deride parents for doing perfectly normal things just because they are 'good' or 'educational'.

I know volume etc keeps getting mentioned now but it wasn't initially - previous posts were talking about 'the mum sitting next to me' etc.

Excessive volume and disturbing other people not acceptable. But that's not necessarily performance parenting. Two very different things I think.

General observations over the thread Neutrogena. We've already agreed to disagree on children behaving like a cafe is a play area.

sparkle
I think a number of people have mentioned tone and volume because it makes a difference.
I couldn't care less what people do as long as it's considerate. And that's true for most people on the thread.
The OP mentioned people talking above a reasonable volume.
So read a book with expression all you like, but don't subject the whole cafe to it.

What would make me inwardly if someone next to me started carrying on louder than a normal coffee shop volume with this sort of thing: 'and that's a cow, and that's a piglet, and where do they live... yes on a farm, we visited a farm didn't we. Yes we did and we met the animals didn't we. Weve just read a lovely book about the animals and you did a beautoful drawing at art club. We do love animals and we did a new song at toddler group. Shall we sing it' etc.
Because it's a big look at me. I take my child places. Aren't I great.

Performance grandparenting winds me right up. Oh look! Are you saying granny? Is it your first word? She's saying granny! gazes around for applause

No she fucking isn't she's 6 weeks old you moron

Quite a lot of people get wound up by quite a lot of things.
We're an angry nation aren't we? No wonder the UK voted for Brexit.

Goodness me, neutro, so being so holier than thou and learn to read when something is tongue in cheek

Well done for completing the irritating mn poster bingo tho by bringing in Brexit. Applause for you

@sauceyorange

I wish there was a smilie for 'taking a bow'

Applause gratefully accepted (though not too loudly as I wouldn't want others think you were performing obviously).

We were treated to performance parenting while queuing in a motorway service station for a subway. I had a fit of the giggles as Mrs Foghorn sorted out which fillings her brood wanted to order. I've heard plenty of parents bellowing out educational material but never heard a fast food performance. The rest of the queue were as bemused as my DS and I.

I'm trying to cast my mind very far back to when I was a nipper and all this were fields

I remember my parents reading to us in the house. I remember the house was full of books and reading and being read to was encouraged.
I don't remember being read to when out and about.
If we were taken to a cafe for a treat, then part of the treat was being left in peace to take in the surroundings and drink the coke or milkshake in peace. I don't remember my mother talking at me non-stop, or reading to me.
I wouldn't have thanked her for it. I would have more than likely wanted her to shut up!

Why do children have to be read to when they're out?
Surely it's just as educational for them to absorb what's happening around them and to take notice of their surroundings and to learn how to be 'still'.
Why do they have to be 'distracted' all the time? What are you trying to distract them from?
Which is what you're doing, if you read at them every time you're out of the house.

I was thinking the exact same thing.

I read stories like this to my son - not loudly I don't think, but with voices and tickles and noises. Genuinely doing it to see him laugh, don't give a shit what others think!!

Agree with previous poster - judgements about too much screen time, judgements about reading stories too loudly.... how about everyone stop being so fucking judgy of each other and support each other instead, understanding that we're all just trying to do our best?

This place is so depressing recently.

Can't win either way can she really? If she was sat there on her phone not engaging with her child then someone would be posting here about what a shite mum she is.

Seriously, mind your own business.

I love the phrase, 'Performance parenting'! And I do agree.
There were plenty of 'those' parents when mine were toddlers (years ago) but we didn't have that phrase then.
Two PP types stand out in my memory: One overly earnest Mum - knitted her own yogurt, you know the type - kept saying, 'Good job!' every five minutes to her grumpy child. Buggered if I could see the child doing anything except breathing.
The second regaled us other Mums with tales of the witty things that her child had said - full paragraphs that would put Oscar Wilde to shame - and we never heard the child speak. Ever! :D

The OP was trying to mind her own business but the volume the woman was talking at made it impossible.

And yet again - no one is saying don't engage with your child. All they are saying is do it with a bit of consideration.

I hope no one at the doctors a few weeks ago thinks I was 'performance parenting' I read my son a story (basically whispering mind) not to prove any parenting points, but because he was about to go wild with the water machine.... although if she was shouting. I know what you mean though I had one at the beach the other day trying to turn the day out into educational very loudly, poor kid just wanted to play with the other kids!!! Not sure about top of my voice in a coffee shop though at least read quietly!! I save my acting for bedtime story, I'd Be too embarrassed in public!!

JaneEyre70 😂😂

YANBU. Whatever happened to talking? When I take my DCs for coffee, we have a giggle and a natter. We quietly laugh at the other people and discuss normal things. Books are for bed time or quiet times at home.

Learn something new every day - performance parenting lol - well as long as they and their brood are being considerate to others and not letting children run around wildly or talking too loudly disturbing others then I'm not too bothered . Same applies to the adults present . I used to read to mine at home rather than in public though . When out we'd be absorbing the atmosphere .

YANBU! I performance read to my kids.......at home! The only time I have done it in public is at the doctors (but as quiet as i can) 😅 They hate the waiting room & middle child has anxiety about doctors. It's that or she has a melt down & i'd rather annoy people with my reading than have a screaming child. Agree that some parents do it for show & find it irritating. Wouldn't say a coffee shop isn't child friendly but i can think of better places to read to your child in public.

I cant stand those "look at me" types - no need for it and cringe to listen to. Attention seeking prat.....

Have to add that the doctors provide a stack of childrens books. I don't bring any of my own 😂 Tbh, i'd prefer reading than a screaming/running around uncontrollable child anyday.

FFS they just want to enjoy a book with their child, what makes you think that everybody who does something with their child is doing it so people will think they are brilliant parent?

YANBU...performance parenting is pathetic and so self-serving!

The PP types on here have pretty much outed themselves. I've always enjoyed my kids' company, talked to them, interacted with them. Still do even though they're teenagers.
Have never felt the need to be loud and attention-seeking. That's the difference, for those who are claiming not to understand.
Always took books, colouring and small toys out when they were little to help keep them entertained.