About this mum in the coffee shop

[Sallygoroundthemoon]

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

What your seeing is someone confident in their own skin and you're projecting!

Yes good point well made. This aggravating crap isn't confined to parenting is it? Performance anything can be teeth grittingly abrasive on the nerves.

Same but different - I can't stand someone very close to me, say on a bus or in a cafe, having a loud AF but mundane conversation on their phone.

"Ah ken...ah thought she'd go for the pink but she didnae...aye the yellae one...YELLAE...aye. Naw...no till the Tuesday...the TUESDAY...aye. Ah wiz gonnae hae corn on the cob but she chose peas and ah wisnae making both so...."

Is it just me or can that shit wait? I only use my moby for stuff that needs saying...am I unusual in that?

The point is they're not seeking validation or even attention, they're getting on with their day and it's your insecurities leading you to believe that somehow a parent needs validation at all.

I'm sorry but I'm puzzled as to how you know this to be the case about all examples of loud public parenting?

You sound a bit defensive and dare I say it, a tad insecure to me. Keep on parenting as you see fit, just remember indoor voices and outdoor voices.

Nope. Perfectly confident in how I conduct myself.

I love this bullshit about Britain being so uptight and children-hating. The kids I've seen in restaurants abroad, or promenading with their parents, are beautifully behaved. I've never seen brattish behaviour tolerated.

Pictish, I don't even like having phone conversations in my own home.

It doesn't matter if your children are adults, you can still be lamenting about what you didn't do with your own- again that would be projecting your insecurities (not saying that's your situation).

I am guilty myself over being insecure and it making me project onto others and feeling resentful at them. It's a common trait so nothing to be embarrassed about.
Being comfortable in my own skin has been one of the blessings of getting older. A bit part of that is not caring what people think of me (does my hair look cr@p, am I singing to myself, doing silly things with my children, etc)

CockacidalManiac true! French parents don't feck around when it comes to expecting good behaviour from their offspring.

Oh good grief. I interact with my kids, ask them questions, point things out, read the museum signs out to them etc etc, I just do so at normal volume and don't take over the whole damn place with my awesomeness. It's not hard.

Squoosh, equally arguable that you don't have one clue as to whether someone is doing what you define as 'loud parenting'. It's rather self-obsessed to think people are doing this for your benefit.

Yellae wan

Indoor voices and outdoor voices. Just keep those in mind. Bellow to your heart's content when in the woods. Avoid bellowing when in a coffee shop.

Lois

I don't have a particular loud voice so no problems there, I just never notice all this 'loud parenting'. To busy with my own life.

What Lois said!

I wouldn't think someone was being a loud arse for my benefit, I'd just think they were being a loud arse.

I just never notice all this 'loud parenting'. To busy with my own life.

Sure you are.

That's contradicts your argument as if you're thinking someone is s performance parent you've made assumptions that you are the audience, therefore they're doing it for you and everyone within the vicinity.

We stayed in a hotel and this woman was loud performance parenting her child and looking around to make sure we all knew what a wonderful mother she was.
Then she spilt boiling hot water all over her poor child!
I'd like to say that shut her up but she performance gave him first aid then so the whole room also knew she'd been on a paediatric first aid course !
Her husband didn't look up from his phone the whole time

Why do people think we care what we think of them/whether she's a good mother or not? Actually we all to some extent care what others think of us. The industry built on undermining female self-esteem wouldn't be the billion pound industry it is otherwise.

Put in some headphones and do your work. For me, the best sound in the world is the sound of children laughing and I understand to an extent being annoyed. I get annoyed when I have a small window free of my kids and I'm enjoying a coffee and my laptop in a café, but in the end it doesn't do me any favours to seethe about something, and it certainly doesn't effect the person I'd be seething about/ Let it go.

I mean I've never seen someone looking around for validation- I have an odd image in my head of someone twitching like that. People that are obnoxious exist but that's an all over trait IME.

This mother is in need of someone coming up to her and telling her how amazing she is. Gonna be disappointed when someone says "sorry can you keep your voice down please" it would be hilarious to watch!

At the same time, pity this mother, she may be vastly insecure and works full time and over compensates like a mad thing

squoosh

"I'm sorry but I'm puzzled as to how you know this to be the case about all examples of loud public parenting?"

The same goes for how you can possibly know that all loud parenting is performance parenting? You don't.

If people are having fun or getting excited then voices often get raised. It's perfectly natural, whether it's someone helping their kids with something or two adults having a chat.

Indoor bellowing is a whole different ball game, of course.

frokni Or maybe she's just getting on with her own life and needs neither your scorn nor your pity? Bloody hell.