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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this mum in the coffee shop

826 replies

Sallygoroundthemoon · 10/08/2017 11:54

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 10/08/2017 19:26

silkpyjamasallday

I really dont care if you talk to your child all day, I did with mine, but I do care if you are doing it so loudly in a confined space that everyone else can hear nothing but you and we are all jumping when you get to the 'scary' bit and yell out to make your kid jump. What if someone had their cup up to their mouth and you made them jump and spill coffee all over themselves?

Just consider others when you are doing something, its not hard. I do not want to hear the same story shouted out over and over again while I am having a relax in a coffee shop.

Op's annoyance was caused by the shouting and yelling out and all the noises the woman was making over and over again. She could have told the story quietly and kept the special effects for bedtime.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 10/08/2017 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 10/08/2017 19:28

I'm also not telling people what to do. I'm just advising people what MNHQ it clearly tells you to do in the Talk Guidelines. I didnt write them.

FreudianSlurp · 10/08/2017 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Neutrogena · 10/08/2017 19:29

@AwaywiththePixies27

Of course i should parent my children. But i dont object to others telling them off for misbehaving. They need to learn boundaries, and its good they learn from others as well as parents, nanny, au pair, grandparents, etc
Village to raise a child and all that 😎

MandateMandy · 10/08/2017 19:31

I like to pretend that I'm doing the bedtime hour on cbeebies when I read to my child. I love it. It brings out the frustrated thesp in me. Tend not to do that in public though.... not sure my acting chops are up to it.

nomorebabiesyet · 10/08/2017 19:31

When i say mean grumpy and sad i mean no one is happy that kids exist! Even when they are behaving well. Mine are normally wuite good while out as long as i keep interacting with them. Talking etc. Im not loud. Im normally too quiet. Yet still feel in the way. I let others on the bus before me then get over taken by another pram so i am the one faffing about folding the pram etc while everyone sighs and tuts. My kids sit auietly on a seat amd talk about what they see quietly yet people arent happy. For this reason alone im buying a small car just so i can enjoy leaving the house and not feel guilty all the sodding time. Fyi my kids dont run around coffee shops!

Neutrogena · 10/08/2017 19:31

@FreudianSlurp

I dont often go to those type of establishments, but yes, Id be ok with that. Not ideal, but no biggie. My kids need to learn

AwaywiththePixies27 · 10/08/2017 19:32

I'll parent my own child(ren) thanks.

The obligation to supervise yours lies with you.

YouTheCat · 10/08/2017 19:33

Why should other people have to take the trouble of telling your kids off? Unless you're wearing a sign around your neck saying 'I don't mind if you tell my kids off' how are people to know that you won't go off at them for doing so, as a lot of parents would?

Willow2017 · 10/08/2017 19:34

Correct, no objection from me. I'm not precious about other people telling my children off for misbehaving.
No need to suffer in silence.

So you admit your kids are annoying others and they are suffering in silence if the dont step up and parent YOUR kids?

Unbelievable.

FreudianSlurp · 10/08/2017 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngelicaSchuyler · 10/08/2017 19:35

I've often seen a different version of this with groups of adults (either at holiday resorts or out and about in bars/restaurants/days out) - not sure sure what you'd call it but they all talk at a louder volume than necessary and sneakily look around to see who's listening to their 'top banter'.

DH and I encountered a group of performance holidaymakers at a resort in Egypt once; a few couples who met on the first day and proceeded to become instant best friends, saving sunloungers for each other and bantering away at the tops of their voices so the rest of us could hear what a great time they were having. I'd have given them the benefit of the doubt, but the sneaky looks around the pool to see who was listening as they recounted the fish they'd seen in their snorkelling trip (for the third time in an hour) gave them away.

DH and I are hugely antisocial on holiday so have none of these issuesGrin

AwaywiththePixies27 · 10/08/2017 19:35

nomorebabiesyet why are you letting people on ahead of you? If you're there first you're there first.

I remember the fights between prams on market days when they'd be five prams in the queue for a bus with two spaces. I dont blame you for getting a small car. Small price to pay for independence. I aim to do that one day.

W3lsh · 10/08/2017 19:35

What people are saying is be considerate of others, don't do stupid over the top parenting & be mindful of others. Hardly radical.

Those people might not think they are being over the top or stupid though. It's all subjective which makes it more complicated.

thecatfromjapan · 10/08/2017 19:36

AwaywiththePixies - I hear you. This is the sort of thread that used to get a more nuanced response a few years ago, with a good deal more humour, and a few posters pointing out the covert misogyny.

Have a good day. Smile

thecatfromjapan · 10/08/2017 19:37

Sorry, I think that should have been to nomorebabiesyet.

Wishing you sunshine. Smile

MandateMandy · 10/08/2017 19:38

Angelica I think you've got it. I reckon you just get Performance People - the same people who are overly loud in engaging with their kids are likely the same people who are overly loud discussing their very important job, or very expensive shoes, or very exotic holidays. I know lots of folk like this, men, women, parents, non parents. I think they are commonly more known as dicks!

nomorebabiesyet · 10/08/2017 19:39

Well you know i try to let others on like elderley etc so they dont have to scoot pass the buggy and the 2 toddlers. Trying to be considerate and then its like a slao around the face. I feel sorry for the kids because they really are quite good. Not trying to goad. But they try to be as good as they can and they know they will be in trouble if theyre not. I got off the bus other day in tears the ither day. I gave an older gentleman the chance to get off before me. He refused the tutted and moaned at me to hurry up whilst taking the middle child off the bus and tried to push my buggy and baby off and got it stuck under the bus between it and the path. Then shluted i should have let him off first. Everyone just stared at me! I wonder i have anxiety issues or something but im never getting the bus again!

AwaywiththePixies27 · 10/08/2017 19:41

No worries thecatfromjapan I did wonder! Grin Brew

Cagliostro · 10/08/2017 19:42

Off topic slightly,
Do people actually call their children Tarquin?
Has anybody actually come across a child called 'Tarquin' in RL?

Yep I met an absolutely tiny baby called Tarquin at a picnic meet up. He'd be about 6 now.

longestlurkerever · 10/08/2017 19:43

I think the reason it comes across a bit mum-hating is the level of annoyance shown towards the "performance parent". You get all sorts of loud bores in cafes or on trains droning on too loudly but it's at best a mild irritant not worthy of starting a thread about. Why is the vitriol always reserved for mothers in public?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 10/08/2017 19:44

nomorebabiesyet not at all. The man sounded very impatient and rude. Flowers

If they're not first they're not first. Dont feel bad about that. No one knows what other people are suffering from. Someone got a right ticking off of my friend recently for bemoaning 'those youngens who don't need a seat'. I happened to be quite ill at the time and my friend was less than impressed with his attitude!

nomorebabiesyet · 10/08/2017 19:47

Thanks pixies. My friend is always telling me im too soft. Try to teach the kids bloody manners and reprimanded for it! I give up. Parenting is hard work! God knows why i wanted 3! We still want one more in the future. It would be the last! But not so sire now. Maybe with a car i will relax more instead of feeling in the way. I grew up 'being in the way' so it probably stems from that!

ohhereweareagain · 10/08/2017 19:49

I sell, among other things, childrens (new) books. You wouldn't believe the amount of mothers who treat it as a fucking library. The worst ones are the ones who stand in front of the box of books (no one else can get to it/see it) and proceed to read theatrically out loud a whole book. I think this is the worst kind, and i have to sit there fucking listening to it. Then they dump the book back in the box having had no intention of buying it. The books usually get put back in the box with bent corners so it no longer looks new which is another story....