Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this mum in the coffee shop

826 replies

Sallygoroundthemoon · 10/08/2017 11:54

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

OP posts:
ohlittlepea · 10/08/2017 18:33

I always feel self conscious about posts like these...I don't mean to be a performance parent but I'm cursed with a voice that carries...I hope noone watches my parenting and thinks I'm performing ...I do think it's true that you can't win.
Screens: crap mum
Stories/interacting with animation: crap mum
Let them run around: crap mum
Helicopter parent: crap mum
Shout: crap mum
Not enough discipline: crap mum

Realistically its really hard being a mum..maybe we should just give each other more of a break.

Willow2017 · 10/08/2017 18:37

Neutrogena

And nobody ever in the history of the world said

"Let's take The kids to Cafe Nero so they can run around and let off steam round the tables while I ignore them"

Well except you apparently 🤔

My expectations are not to get a cup of scalding coffee all over me cos someones feral brat ran right into me. Maybe you should raise yours?

Neutrogena · 10/08/2017 18:49

Willow - i wouldn't go to Nero TO have the children charge around. Id go soft play or park. However, while at Nero and they did A BIT of running around, no big deal.
They are just kids.

youarenotkiddingme · 10/08/2017 18:53

I did laugh last week when in a naive coffee shop. Was sat with my friend drinking coffee and having a quiet chat. Lots of people on their own reading papers and on laptops.

In comes a mum and her 3 kids aged 3-8 (approx!)
She continued at the top of her voice to announce "good choosing" to each child who answered her question of what they wanted.

There was actually out loud laughter from a lot of us when the eldest child eventually rolled her eyes and announced in an equally loud voice "fgs mum. It's not hard to make a choice - and we always have this when we come!" Grin

nomorebabiesyet · 10/08/2017 18:54

Its threads like this that make me feel like i should stay home. No matter what you do or dont do or how you do it someone is always unhappy. Or you are made to feel you are in the way.

Remember you were all kids once and the world wasnt this grumpy and sad!

nomorebabiesyet · 10/08/2017 18:55

Agree with ohlittlepea

fullofhope03 · 10/08/2017 18:58

OR, shout, boo! Rubbish! Instead of bravo Wink

MaisyPops · 10/08/2017 19:06

nomorebabiesyet
Why? It's not difficult. Be courteous and have manners when you're out. It's that simple.

Some things are people's personal preference (Eg to use tablets or not to entertain kids/ to breastfeed or formula feed etc) other things are simple manners e.g. use an appropriate volume for the situation, don't have loud sound on devices without headphones, behave appropriately for the context.

People on here aren't having a moan about personal parenting preferences; they're moaning about people who show zero consideration to others.

Fekko · 10/08/2017 19:07

Oh no he isn't!
He's behind you!
Oh grandma, what big ears you have!
Boooo! Hisssss!

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 10/08/2017 19:09

I presume you'd have no objection to me telling your children to go away and stop bothering me if they we're running around my table Neutrogena?

supermoon100 · 10/08/2017 19:10

I agree it's annoying but I'll take that over peppa pig playing on the phone any day!

silkpyjamasallday · 10/08/2017 19:11

This thread is really quite nasty. Mothers really can't do anything right, either they are neglectful slatterns who shove their kids on a screen to shut them up, or they are making too much effort to engage with their child by reading or encouraging conversation and are clearly snobs. Hmm

My DD is only 11 months so obviously not talking yet, she has a few words and will try to copy if I repeat something to her a few times. I talk to her constantly while we are out in the pram and have her parent facing so she can see the shapes I am making with my mouth to form the words, I might look like a bit of a twat but I have no doubt that it will be beneficial for her speech and language development and she likes the running commentary, it's what my DM did with me as a baby and my language was streets ahead of my peers as a toddler. I also read to her when we go out, I do voices and sound effects for her enjoyment, not to show off how 'good' a parent I am. I don't think I am ever too loud, but some people do just have louder voices, I have a friend who is like a foghorn, she can't help it, I imagine she will be accused of performance parenting when she comes to have DC. When DD is older I fully intend to take her around museums and art galleries and engage with her about what we see, again not to show off but to share my love of art and antiquity with my child, I don't see what's wrong with that, it's a strange reverse snobbery on this thread that cultural enrichment for children is sneered at for being too middle class. If you overhear someone engaging with their child on an educational topic is it really so awful? Some may well be 'performance parenting' but so what? It doesn't really make that much difference to anyone else, just feel sorry for them that they are so insecure.

MaisyPops · 10/08/2017 19:15

silkpyjamasallday
Nobody is saying don't talk to you child, don't engage with your child, don't have fun with your child, don't interact at all with your child, don't be educational.

There's no inverse snobbery.

What people are saying is be considerate of others, don't do stupid over the top parenting & be mindful of others. Hardly radical.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 10/08/2017 19:16

May I suggest politely that if you have a problem with the thread to report it in the button below.

There are Moderators at MNHQ for a reason.

nina2b · 10/08/2017 19:18

It really is quite simple. Respect the right of others to enjoy their free time, too. Your needs do not supersede those of other people - just because you have young children.

MandateMandy · 10/08/2017 19:19

But Ohlittlepea where's the fun in that. Much more fun to rip into other mothers...especially those entitled middle class ones.

Neutrogena · 10/08/2017 19:20

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

I presume you'd have no objection to me telling your children to go away and stop bothering me if they we're running around my table Neutrogena?

Correct, no objection from me. I'm not precious about other people telling my children off for misbehaving.
No need to suffer in silence.

Willow2017 · 10/08/2017 19:21

Anyone else have a sense of deja vu?

YES it IS as big deal if me or my kid gets a cup of boiling coffee over ourselves cos your kids dont know how to behave in a coffee shop (the clues is in the name) cos you cant be arsed to parent them properly. What if its another little kid, an elderly person with paper thin skin? A cup of boiling coffee or a pot of tea could actually kill someone.

Hot drinks cause most scalds to children under the age of 5. A child’s skin is much more sensitive than an adult’s skin, and a hot drink can still scald a child 15 minutes after the drink has been made.

But hey ho you think its worth it, your poor kids.

YouTheCat · 10/08/2017 19:22

I was a child in the 70s and I can assure you the world was 'grumpy and sad' and we were very much expected to sit and chat quietly in cafes and restaurants. Running about would not have been tolerated at all.

squoosh · 10/08/2017 19:22

Mothers really can't do anything right, either they are neglectful slatterns who shove their kids on a screen to shut them up, or they are making too much effort to engage with their child by reading or encouraging conversation and are clearly snobs.

Another one who thinks there is no middle ground between ignoring a child and conversing with them in the style of Brian Blessed. Are they particularly lacking in observational skills I wonder.

MandateMandy · 10/08/2017 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mulch · 10/08/2017 19:23

What sweetpea said. This is abit of a depressing thread, never heard of performance parenting, have something new to be self conscious about.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 10/08/2017 19:24

I'm not precious about other people telling my children off for misbehaving.

Nope. I'm not there to parent your children. Supervise your own child(ren).

MadMags · 10/08/2017 19:24

Mothers really can't do anything right, either they are neglectful slatterns who shove their kids on a screen to shut them up, or they are making too much effort to engage with their child by reading or encouraging conversation and are clearly snobs.

Well that's just not true, is it?

You could also be a normal, well-adjusted, considerate parent who talks at normal volume and doesn't act like a member of the Royal Shakespeare Society when reading a Mister Man book.

YouTheCat · 10/08/2017 19:26

I won't admonish another person children (apart from at work) because of the high chance of getting a mouthful from the parent.