About this mum in the coffee shop

[Sallygoroundthemoon]

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

Annoying. I sat in front of a woman with two toddlers on a train the other day. All three of them were singing "I'm a muffin" at the top of their voices on loop. I am normally tolerant in a been there , worn the t-shirt type of way but seriously, it was performance parenting at its worse.

There's a performance parent at my kids' school. We walk the same route there as she stays near me. She has a lovely gym bunny figure and actually strips off before reaching the school gate, to make sure all the other mums/dads clock her bod. You can hear her talking to kids from a mile off.

She also does performance wifing and will give her OH a full on tongue sandwich snog in the playground... yuck.

I'm a muffin? That's a new one on me.

Now I want a muffin :(

Neutrogena, you are the kind of parent teachers dread

@Neutrogena

I get far more comments about "It's lovely seeing your little ones enjoy themselves than people telling them to shut up.

I don't believe a WORD of that statement.

Not saying everyone tells your kids to shut up, but I don't believe ANYONE says 'oh isn't it lovely to see your little ones enjoying themselves,' when your kids are running riot, and tearing around coffee shops where people have paid good money for lattes and an hour of peace and quiet chat with a friend.

Your argument was flimsy anyway, but it's just turned to shit now.

@kateandme

Y so judgmental!there r some bitches on here.sorry but y can't she be a good mum being annoyingly perhaps loud.but just enthusiastic with her kid fr no reason other than that's how u read to them often forgetting how animated u can get.y is she performing.can we leave people alone ever.yes moan at it for disturbs but to be so nasty.i get scared woman are looking it be so judgingly after reading some posts.cuz it ain moaning its sometimes really aniliating people

Que?

I take the risk if they get scolded by a drink. That's my responsibility, I agree, but a risk I am willing to take on their behalf.

I agree it's not a high risk.

Getting scolded by other people or the shop staff/owner is more likely.

As is getting scalded by a hot drink.

So customers in coffee shop all chatting quietly, reading, doing their own thing.
Some mum comes in and makes parenting into a loud performance act disturbing everyone else then they should all leave and let her carry on in peace?

Rightly oh then.

Otoh I might just tell them to stop making an exhibition of themselves and be quiet.

I've just come back from a hospital appointment with DD. I spend so long preparing DS (ASD) for these sort of appointments and keeping him calm during them. I treated them to some sweets in the shop after. DD for being brave and DS for being good. As we came out an old lady in a hospital bed was being wheeled round the corner the shop was on. Told kids to mind out the way etc. Went across to the cheaper other shop to get myself a drink. As we came out. Someone's kid was scootering down the fucking hospital corridor! Imagine if that'd been two minutes before and kid collided with the bed. The porter would have probably got a bollocking off said parent for not looking out for scootering kids. It's not irresponsible. It's stupid.

The woman and the toddlers on the bus - those adults do it because they think they can and sod the rest of us. Grrrrr

@Neutrogena, you do see that the logical extrapolation of your argument is that it would seemingly be OK for all parents to take a risk based approach that their children will not get hurt in a coffee shop and therefore coffee shops would become de facto play pens, full of children running around because all parents think like you? Do you not realise that boundaries and rules are really important to instill in children, they make them feel secure and aware of different settings, expectations and the resulting limitations on their behaviour that is necessary for people to live in harmony? Putting in place reasonable restrictions on behaviour has nothing to do with miserable parenting. It reflects a choice that takes into account the fact that there are other people to take into consideration, such as waitresses doing their job, and people there to have a coffee in relative quiet?

On a scooter in a hospital? I've heard it all now. How fucking irresponsible!.

I know YouTheCat I couldn't believe mt eyes neither (and I've seen kids ride bicycles around supermarkets unchallenged). What makes it worse is that DS asked to take his. To which I replied with a big fat no. Cue my autistic son wondering why this kid could take their scooter and him not.

Give it a minute and there'll be some soft bastard along to tell us exactly why little Timmy should be allowed to ride his scooter in a hospital.

If you want a quiet read go to a library.
If you want a coffee go to a coffee shop.
If you outdoors go to a park.

Problem is we want different things from differnt places.
I'm not saying any of you are wrong, but your expectations are too high, and thus you get narked when others arent behaving the way you want. Accept the differences. It's what makes us all so wonderful.

I'm sure they wont let hs down YouTheCat!

If only it was one of those hospitals that had spent millions on making sure they had various different transport links to get there, and erm, around the place...

You can't win. I read a thread earlier about how awful parents are that give their children screens to keep them quiet in coffee shops and how we should interact with them. No matter what you do people find a way to complain.

Working waitresses and waiters expecting people to SUPERVISE their children, is not asking or expecting too much from a parent.

@RockyBird

Why not ignore her?
She doesnt seem a bad person.
We seem to attack the women far more than the men. I thought MN women were supportive of difference?

Just no one on this thread is expecting people to keep their kids quite in a coffee shop. They're expecting parents to not shriek at their children whilst doing so.

@Neutrogena. No that is not the problem. The problem is that some parents, regardless of the environment in which they are in, only think of themselves and their children. Or, they are simply showing off to the annoyance of others, as is the case in the original post.

I've never thought of this as 'performance parenting' and have never heard that saying before (though, yes, I think I've obviously seen it in action before). I think she's entertaining her kid too loudly, but then you get groups or pairs of people recounting stories to each other loudly, or the kind of arseholes who make work calls that are loud and so boring it makes me want to weep. I'd rather have the kid stories to be honest.

It sounds OTT, and some people are more annoying than others. You're not BU, but I'd just suck it up tbh, and show more patience.

Wow, you really are blind to how entitled you sound .

To rub along in a civilised society we all have to have respect for each other and accept some social norms - a very widely accepted norm is that it's dangerous for children to run in restaurants and coffee shops. I also don't believe for one moment that you are praised for having kids "enjoying themselves" when they're running riot in coffee shops. I would imagine most people breath a sigh of relief when your delightful children leave.

As others have said, if you injured someone else because your kids were "enjoying themselves" you'd be in seven shades of shit.

Your attitude is certainly not what makes the world wonderful .

Other people annoy me too, but I am quite tolerant of kids. Nothing wosre than a No parent who says No to everything. They are as bad as a Yes parent who cannot say No

I was sitting in the park when a mum walked by with a child (he looked about 5).

"Do you know what you did by lending that boy your ball?" She says loudly (so I earwig)
"Eh?"
"You brokered a bond of friendship between two diverse groups of children from different social groups"

I kid you not. I thought I was over wordy!