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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite the dog

87 replies

winefixeswhine · 10/08/2017 08:28

My sil is annoyed because we have said she can't bring her dog to our house for a family BBQ with our very small children. She lives alone with dog. She says he's her family and she feels like we don't trust her.
He's very bouncy, springs on and off furniture etc not particularly obedient.
I'm just not keen on having a fairly boisterous dog around the kids/food/jumping around the house.
Aibu?

OP posts:
Crispsheets · 10/08/2017 08:29

No you're not.

babsjonhson · 10/08/2017 08:30

Yanbu

AlternativeTentacle · 10/08/2017 08:30

Oh dear. Dog not family. We family. Understand?

chips4teaplease · 10/08/2017 08:30

Not unreasonable. People should not bring their dogs to other people's houses.

LindyHemming · 10/08/2017 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigchris · 10/08/2017 08:34

Yanbu

Amatree · 10/08/2017 08:35

YANBU! Your house, your children, your choice. If she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. I'm not a pet person and frankly find it grim when people have animals strolling around their homes leaving hair, slobber and goodness knows what rise in their path. I know I'm in the minority but that's just how I feel and wouldn't allow anyone's dog in my home either.

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 10/08/2017 08:35

Not unreasonable. I have a dog and I don't like it when people assume they can bring theirs to my house for that reason. (mine can behave and obviously doesn't smell or get in the way ever...)

It's your house and garden. She needs to leave the dog at home, get someone to let him out (or go back to do it herself) or not come. My dog is a huge part of our family...I don't inflict him on other people though. Although he is ace and can do tricks so usually gets invited.

PrincessPlod · 10/08/2017 08:38

Hmm this could be why she is alone. Don't get me wrong I love my pets but don't insist they come everywhere with me. I think you are perfectly in order not inviting the dog.

frieda909 · 10/08/2017 08:39

YANBU. If he's not very well trained then he's likely to be particularly lively at a BBQ with all those food smells driving the poor thing crazy.

Thestarslookverydifferent · 10/08/2017 08:39

I love my dog she's great with people. But I would not bring her to any family occasion unless it was mentioned. I wouldn't even ask to bring her, to me shes my baby but she's a dog at a BBQ/ kids with food heaven for her, nightmare for me🤠🤠

ButchyRestingFace · 10/08/2017 08:39

Oh dear. Dog not family. We family. Understand?

The sister has decided the dog is her family. And if OP asks who SiL loves more, she may not necessarily like the answer. Grin

But your house, your rules, hun. YADNBU.

LakieLady · 10/08/2017 08:39

Chips4tea, we are not allowed to go to MIL's or SIL's without the dog! When we couldn't go to a family thing at MIL's a while ago, she said "But that means we won't get to see Dog!"

We wouldn't dream of taking her somewhere she wasn't wanted though, so YANBU.

Funnily enough, the other SIL doesn't find it amusing when we ask her not to bring her 2 youngest to ours. They are a complete PITA around the dog and won't leave the poor animal alone. And she doesn't make any attempt to stop them, no matter how many times I ask her to (the little fuckers take no notice of me or DP).

BeyondThePage · 10/08/2017 08:40

not unreasonable to not invite the dog.
not unreasonable for her to ask to bring it.
not unreasonable for her to be miffed or not come if you say no.

BBQs are generally outside, so perhaps she just thought the dog could be outdoors in the garden whilst she was there, rather than left at home if it was an indoor event.

(yes we have a dog - who would sit in the sun at the back of the garden til a sausage hit the ground)

contrary13 · 10/08/2017 08:43

YANBU in the slightest!

And I'm someone who has 2 dogs currently living in my house - and a third who visits for the day every week (so that the pup who was meant to be my daughter's, but decided she prefers me, can wear him out with constant play and running laps around the garden...). There is no way on this planet that I would expect to be allowed to take the dogs to someone else's home/for a family party. I might ask, mind, but wouldn't be upset by a "no".

Is your SIL lonely? Has she fixated upon her dog because he's a substitute for... I don't know... a child? A partner? Emotionally, I mean. Perhaps that might be why she's so irritated by your - actually very reasonable - request that she leave the dog at home (which he might prefer, actually, given that dogs are prone to over-stimulation in much the same way that a human toddler is!).

Essentially though, small children deserve not to be bounced over in their own home/garden by their Auntie's dog.

Flowers
Theworldisfullofidiots · 10/08/2017 08:45

Dsis 1 always invites our dog because she loves him. He is also crate trained and he always goes in his crate when ever we are eating.
Dsis2 never invites dog because she has a sensitive cat. Absolutely fair enough.
Dogs are invite only and then only if they are well trained and under control.

Albertschair · 10/08/2017 08:46

"People should not bring their dogs to other people's houses."

Sure they should. To homes that welcome them. When my family or friends visit me they bring their dogs. When I visit my sil I don't because she is allergic.

I wouldn't take my dog to anyone with (or to be fair without) small children who asked me not to. I know my dog is safe, but it takes a split second something misunderstood and my dog is in danger. I wouldn't do that to my dog. I am very cautious about being around my friend and her toddler son. He is scared of dogs. It isn't fair on the child or the dog to be around each other much. We are doing small regular interactions to get them used to each other. But a family bbq would not be safe for either.

But for some people their pets are truly their life line. A massive emotional crutch. Examine your reasons for not wanting the dog there. If they are genuine and above 'I don't like dogs and I don't really like my sil' then absolutely say no. But think about how you say it. To your sil the dog is family. She's not unusual to think like that.

Butterymuffin · 10/08/2017 08:48

If she considers her dog family that's her choice, but not all family members get invited to every single thing going.

LaurieFairyCake · 10/08/2017 08:50

My dh's family definitely prefer the dog to us, if we lived closer and couldn't go they'd likely come and take the dog to the party.

But my dog doesn't shed hair or slobber, or smell in any way.

YellowLawn · 10/08/2017 08:52

yanbu
unless she brings a pen for the dog to keep it separate to the children and out of the house.
if a pet can't behave I don't want it in my home.

PandorasXbox · 10/08/2017 08:52

How long would she have to leave it at home? What sort of dog is it? Personally I would let someone bring their bouncy dog as long as they knew that it has to be restrained and that it wasn't prone to being nasty or snapping. But that's just me and I understand not everyone would think like that.

Only1scoop · 10/08/2017 08:54

Yanbu

CockacidalManiac · 10/08/2017 08:57

YANBU, but this thread will attract the 'fur baby' dog fundamentalists.

UrsulaPandress · 10/08/2017 09:04

Hell no. I wouldn't dream of inflicting my smelly mutt on anyone.

BUT we had a family member and his wife who used to bring their Great Dane to all family gatherings. She was a sweetheart but we were a dog free home when I was growing up. The cat was seriously unimpressed and the dog would stand up and knock cups and glasses off side tables with her tail, and steal food that was at her head height. Honestly they had no fucking shame. And then the sodding teeth sucking when, years later when the dog was no more, and we took our then 3 year old DD to stay in their pet and child free home. Tossers.

LadyinCement · 10/08/2017 09:06

Agree with Beyondthepage . She can ask, and you can say no.

I have a dog and frankly I'd only ask if he could accompany us if the hosts already had a dog. Same with children, really!

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