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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not invite the dog

87 replies

winefixeswhine · 10/08/2017 08:28

My sil is annoyed because we have said she can't bring her dog to our house for a family BBQ with our very small children. She lives alone with dog. She says he's her family and she feels like we don't trust her.
He's very bouncy, springs on and off furniture etc not particularly obedient.
I'm just not keen on having a fairly boisterous dog around the kids/food/jumping around the house.
Aibu?

OP posts:

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 10/08/2017 09:06

YADNBU, it's your house and you say whether people can bring pets or not.

ButchyRestingFace · 10/08/2017 09:07

YANBU, but this thread will attract the 'fur baby' dog fundamentalists.

So far all the dog fundies have said OP is NBU.

Crispsheets · 10/08/2017 09:07

cock

pictish · 10/08/2017 09:07

Not if it jumps up on people and springs on and off furniture, you're not. She shouldn't be looking to bring a dog that can't be contained or controlled.

Akani · 10/08/2017 09:10

YANBU, however, she's equally not being unreasonable if she decides not to come.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 10/08/2017 09:14

Stand firm. She has an invite, it's up to her !

Hoppinggreen · 10/08/2017 09:14

I love my dog but only take him to people's houses if THEY specifically ask me to.
Yanbu

Starlight2345 · 10/08/2017 09:16

YANBU, however, she's equally not being unreasonable if she decides not to come

I always fail to understand this..My ex missed contact with his DS due to a thunder storm and dog would be upset... I never understand how people prioritize animals over people.

orangewasp · 10/08/2017 09:20

Agree with Albert

YANBU to not want the dog there, it could cause chaos.

But the way you have described your SIL is a bit unsympathetic - good for you with your husband and kids but for many people, especially those on their own, pets are family

Akani · 10/08/2017 09:21

Not attending a function because you don't want to due to your dog not being invited is simply adhering to your own boundaries; it's not prioritising a dog over anyone - it's choosing how you'd like to spend your time.

PandorasXbox · 10/08/2017 09:21

Dogs are important to most of their owners Starlight though and that's a good thing. The OP doesn't say how long the dog would have to be left alone so we don't know if SIL is being unreasonable in wanting to bring it to the BBQ or not. I don't leave my dog for more than 3 hours for various reasons so we have to take him with us or decline the offer if the person doing the inviting doesn't want him there.

MissHavishamsleftdaffodil · 10/08/2017 09:21

YANBU, of course you're not. There may be an element here of resentment that having managed to have children means those not so lucky have to revolve their life around your children's wants and needs. Not saying it's a justified feeling but may be there.

BeepBeepMOVE · 10/08/2017 09:21

YANBU.

It's your house you can invite who you want.

Is there any chance of a compromise of garden only for the dog?

Gumbo · 10/08/2017 09:21

This sort of thing drives me mad!

I've got a SIL who has a sodding 'handbag dog' that she literally caries around in a bag. And because it's small she seems to think it doesn't count as a dog - my cats have a different view

I also had a friend who had a sausage dog that she took everywhere, regardless of whether or not the dog was welcome. Even when she'd ask if it was ok for her to bring the dog and I'd say no, it freaks my cats out in their own home - she'd still turn up with it!

YANBU, I refuse to believe that it's impossible for people to go and visit people without the pooch!

aginghippy · 10/08/2017 10:37

Sometimes it is impossible to visit without the pooch, depends on the circumstances. I have missed family events that involve travelling when we couldn't get a dogsitter, because the dog can't be left on its own all day.

However, the dog is mine and dp's responsibility. I wouldn't get arsey about it, just politely decline the invitation.

OP's SIL saying the dog is her family and she feels like they don't trust her sounds like emotional blackmail.

YANBU

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 10/08/2017 10:49

Starlight - not condoning your ex's behaviour but for friends of mine dog being "upset" in a thunder storm meant distress, howling and attempting to dig up the carpet in the corner of the room as if to get underneath it, then torn claws, blood...not nice. They would sedate him in the end.

Of course in your ex's position someone else could have stayed with the dog surely.

Original poster

winefixeswhine · 10/08/2017 10:50

We have a dog ourselves, we love dogs, but our dog will be happily put behind a baby gate. Her dog would be unhappy. He loves the kids but he knocks into them/licks their faces which my dog wouldn't do.

OP posts:

dollydaydream114 · 10/08/2017 11:00

I love dogs and always tell my sister she is totally welcome to bring her two dogs whenever she visits.

However, if dogs aren't your thing, YANBU to say she can't bring it. Not everyone wants a dog in their house and that's absolutely fine. Your sister shouldn't assume everyone will feel the same about her dog as she does.

(You would BU, though, if you were then offended that she declined your invitation on the grounds that she can't leave the dog alone for several hours with no one there to feed it or let it out for a wee.)

JuicyStrawberry · 10/08/2017 11:01

Hell no you're not being unreasonable!

Your house, your rules. If she doesn't like it then she can stay at home with her precious dog.

WeAllHaveWings · 10/08/2017 11:06

My dog goes to most family events with me, but he is welcomed.

He is a very placid Labrador and goes into the house, says hello to everyone politely, has a sniff around, finds a corner and lies down. Gets up every now and again and has look about, finds a new spot. Doesn't beg/drool for food.

If I had a dog like your dsis I would still take, but he would be on a lead until he learned to behave properly. The problem isn't the dog its your dsis's lack of training him to have proper manners.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 10/08/2017 11:10

YANBU. If you don't want it in your home, it doesn't come, end of. She doesn't like it? She stays at home with the dog.

talonofthehawk · 10/08/2017 11:25

Why do these people insist on their dog coming everywhere with them?!
It's embarrassing!

HeartburnCentral · 10/08/2017 11:32

Yanbu. I wouldn't like any animal knocking over and licking my dc, whether they're family or not

KatsutheClockworkOctopus · 10/08/2017 12:02

This has reminded me of the time we were staying at the PILs. Visiting BIL asked, in all seriousness, if his dog could have DS's bedroom and (giant) DS sleep in the (very small) guest bed with us, because " the dog doesn't really like sleeping downstairs"
Luckily PIL just gave him a and it was swiftly shelved.

YANBU OP.

user1497997754 · 10/08/2017 12:05

My parents had dogs when I was young and got rid of them when they were fed up. I have 2 golden retrievers they would never allow me to bring them with me when I visited they live an hours drive from me. So I never visited them at home...my choice...prefer my dogs company so it really was a mo brainer.

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