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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is not how you do needing a seat in pregnancy

86 replies

Mirrorface · 10/08/2017 08:23

Getting on a not particularly busy train and just bellowing 'can someone give me a seat' a few times. No please. Of course someone gave her a seat and said 'sorry I didn't see you' and she replied 'I had to fight my way through'. Hardly. As I said it's not that busy and I was one of the few people standing - she pretty much shouted in my ear!

OP posts:

Ginlovinglady · 10/08/2017 08:24

Maybe she was just at the end of her tether of constantly being ignored. Maybe she was suffering.
I think there would be worse things to get annoyed about
Yabu

GinIsIn · 10/08/2017 08:25

Perhaps she wasn't feeling well or felt faint and was a bit panicky and needed to sit straight away. She needed a seat, and she got one so it seems how she did it worked just fine.

DartmoorDoughnut · 10/08/2017 08:26

Heaven forfend women draw attention to themselves and demand something 🙄

nodogsinthebedroom · 10/08/2017 08:27

Tbf it is preferable to standing in the corner of a packed tube and not saying anything, then getting the arse because no one has noticed your bump and offered you a seat.

MargaretTwatyer · 10/08/2017 08:28

So people were standing, there were no seats? Well given she seems to have been visibly pregnant and people 'didn't see her' (bullshit for 90% probably) I doubt she felt like saying 'please' to the rude fuckers.

Original poster

Mirrorface · 10/08/2017 08:28

I don't think she felt ill or panicky as she sat straight down and started working on her laptop.

I've been pregnant. I have no problem with women requesting a seat, sometimes you have to. It was the barging on and shouting with no 'please' or giving anyone a chance to see her and then saying she had to fight for a seat which I found odd.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mirrorface · 10/08/2017 08:30

People didn't have a chance to see her as she shouted as she got on. The train was not packed in any way. No-one was being rude. Except the lady who was even rude to the person who gave up her seat needlessly apologising

OP posts:

Nancy91 · 10/08/2017 08:32

Even if I was sick I would never shout at people to give up their seat, because I'm not an entitled princess. I might ask someone near me if I could sit there please and explain that I'm feeling faint and then say thank you.

I think the lady in question is attention seeking and strange.

WarwickAlice · 10/08/2017 08:32

She sounds pretty out of order. I am heavily pregnant and would never behave like that. Just ask someone nicely to stand, say thank you, then everyone can get on with their lives. Yanbu.

BMW6 · 10/08/2017 09:07

Perhaps she's just a twat.

LouHotel · 10/08/2017 09:11

Seeing as any post about a women complaining about not having someone give up their seat for them when they were pregnant is met with ''people are in their own worlds and didnt notice'' ''she probably didnt ask''

I think good for her. Your interpretation is rudeness but another could see it as being assertive - which is a crime for women in this society.

Marmalady75 · 10/08/2017 09:17

Some people think being pregnant entitles them to be rude. I didn't forget how to say please or thank you when I was pregnant and I'll guess neither does anyone else. Perhaps she is equally rude when not pregnant???

Boingboingboing66 · 10/08/2017 09:22

Being pregnant is not an excuse to be rude. She could have at least given people the chance to see her and offer. If they didn't she could then have asked - politely!

Neutrogena · 10/08/2017 09:24

YABVU - she's pregnant and thus need to be handled with kid gloves

MTverystressed · 10/08/2017 09:27

YANBU, pregnant people can also be rude having a baby shouldn't make you forget your manners.

RatRolyPoly · 10/08/2017 09:28

Some people are just like that, pregnant or not. Don't sweat it. End of the day no-one got hurt.

gincamelbak · 10/08/2017 09:28

So it was a busy train then, if people were standing?
Perhaps it wasnt her first train of the day? Maybe she suffered from a sore back if she stood?
Maybe she just wanted a seat?

It's not really worth getting worked up about. She got a seat. She's pregnant. Give her a break.

wordy17 · 10/08/2017 09:57

I actually think that the way she went about it was rude. I remember once sitting on a busy bus and an elderly lady got on. I was just about to offer her my seat, but before I could even open my mouth she bellowed at me 'will you give me your seat young woman?'.
On the plus side it is a long time since anyone called me a young woman but the point is that she assumed that I was rude and selfish and she hadn't even drawn level with me. I felt offended and embarrassed as if I had something wrong, when the truth is I had done nothing wrong.

So I do get what the OP means.

DandySeaLioness · 10/08/2017 09:57

I'm 2 weeks from my due date and took my DD1 swimming every day for a week (summer crash course kind of thing). Not once did anyone offer us a seat in the cramped changing room, one of the mothers even laughed at my feeble attempts to get DD's leggings on and keep my balance at the same time but still didn't shift her ass. I've never asked for special treatment in pregnancy but I would have massively appreciated being able to sit down.

nikiforov · 10/08/2017 09:59

I dunno, I think I'd prefer that. I can't give up my seat so it takes the pressure off of me.

Sandsnake · 10/08/2017 10:05

I am an assertive woman. I have requested a seat whilst pregnant. However, the OP's account definitely makes the woman sound rude.

There's not a binary choice between cowering in the corner and saying nothing and being rude. It's really easy to politely but confidently request something. Also, it is very possible for people to genuinely miss that someone needs a seat. I'm a daily commuter and see that people do 'switch off' on the train when they do it every day.

TheEmojiMovieLooksShite · 10/08/2017 10:05

She sounds awesome, I'd like to be friends with her

Boingboingboing66 · 10/08/2017 10:08

Someone I knew was like this. From day 1 she never passed up an opportunity to let everyone know she was pregnant. For example:

Waiter: would you like to see the wine list.
Her: I can't drink - I'm pregnant (wasn't obvious)
Waiter: would you like to see the dessert menu?
Her: No. I have gestational diabetes.

In both cases a simple "No thank you" would've sufficed. She was always an attention seeking twat, pregnant or not!

Laiste · 10/08/2017 10:11

Being pregnant isn't an excuse to be rude. But being pregnant doesn't turn anyone into some madonna figure either, serene and lovely.

She was probably rude before she was pregnant and will be rude afterwards as well. Why do we have special expectations of pregnant people?

Birdsgottaf1y · 10/08/2017 10:23

Women who have Medical conditions, LDs, Social anxiety, ASD etc, MH issues and are rude, get Pregnant, so there could have been a few things going on.

"Even if I was sick I would never shout at people to give up their seat, because I'm not an entitled princess. I might ask someone near me if I could sit there please and explain that I'm feeling faint and then say thank you"

I've been seriously ill for nearly two years, there's been times that I've probably come across as rude/abrupt/too loud, but it couldn't be helped. I certainly wouldn't have managed the please and thank you's. If your blood pressure is dropping or you're about to throw up if you keep standing and talking, you can't hang about.

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