Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think this is not how you do needing a seat in pregnancy

86 replies

Mirrorface · 10/08/2017 08:23

Getting on a not particularly busy train and just bellowing 'can someone give me a seat' a few times. No please. Of course someone gave her a seat and said 'sorry I didn't see you' and she replied 'I had to fight my way through'. Hardly. As I said it's not that busy and I was one of the few people standing - she pretty much shouted in my ear!

OP posts:

putdownyourphone · 10/08/2017 10:24

When people shout 'move down the train' without saying please do you come on an write a post about it? Or is it just because it's a pregnant woman?

Keepthebloodynoisedown · 10/08/2017 10:25

She should have said please, but when I ask for a seat on public transport (disability), I don't like to ask people directly, as I find it really awkward having to say no to an elderly person/ pregnant woman etc. who's asked me because I look young and (somewhat) healthy and then have them get arsey with me because I've said no I'd much rather ask in general, then no one will feel pressured.

MargaretCavendish · 10/08/2017 10:30

I agree that it was perfectly reasonable of her to ask for a seat but that she could have been politer/nicer in doing so.

A similar incident where I still don't know if I was being unreasonable:

A busy but not packed tube carriage (no spare seats). I was sat down. I was feeling a bit grotty and very sad because I was on day three of bleeding after an early miscarriage: I am definitely physically capable of standing (and went to work the next day - it was a Sunday - and so was not 'ill'), but was feeling rather sorry for myself. A pregnant woman got on, no one shifted and she loudly said: 'Erm hello?! I'm pregnant?!'. She looked directly at me. I studiously ignored her. The rational part of me thought 'I don't feel great, someone else can stand, and that was not the politest way to ask'. The irrational part thought 'you want my seat?! You already have everything I want you entitled cow!'. A man got up and gave her his seat.

As I said, I still genuinely can't work out if I was being unreasonable here.

GinaFordCortina · 10/08/2017 10:36

That could have been her third train where she wasn't offered a seat that day.

She could have debilitating spd, she could just be a bit of a dick, but if you're sitting down and a pg, elderly, disabled person gets on, you fucking move. So they were all dicks first.

You feeling the need to post aboutbher just makes you the latest in a long line in this story

kmc1111 · 10/08/2017 10:36

Come on people. She sounds massively rude and unpleasant.

There's a vast difference between hopping on the train and asking if anyone could please give up their seat, and hopping on the train and grumpily demanding someone give up their seat, then remaining sour faced when immediately given a seat.

GinaFordCortina · 10/08/2017 10:38

You'd have only been unreasonable if you'd said that to her Margaret. As it was you were still dealing with pregnancy and miscarriage and just as much right to the seat as her.

krispmallow · 10/08/2017 10:40

I can see where she's coming from.

I used to have to commute on crutches and had to ask 4 times a day for a seat.

You would see the train pull in and the commuters notice you then quickly look down.

I got to the point where I would just get on the train and instantly ask for a seat rather than waiting for offers. I would then have to ask again as everyone would sit silently waiting for someone else to offer it. Absolutely soul destroying.

Even had commuters sit and watch whilst there was one seat and me and an elderly gentleman were each insisting the other person took the seat. (met and jubilee commuters I'm looking at you!)

Give her a break, you don't know what the deal is with her or how her pregnancy is going.

Laiste · 10/08/2017 10:42

I'm struggling to articulate this; but what is the motivation behind this thread? Let's all gasp with horror and surprise at a rude woman! But stop - there's more a pregnant one!

As pp said there are 1001 rude people on public transport every day. I find it weird to be singling out the pregnant female one for discussion.

GinaFordCortina · 10/08/2017 10:43

I have been met by man spreading or VIM (twat on his laptop making a personal office on the train) probably every time I have ever been on a train, but I never see threads about that.

On mumsnet I only ever hear about how pregnant women did or didn't ask appropriately for a seat in the train

GinaFordCortina · 10/08/2017 10:44

Laiste, do you think it's a social leftover from the days of confinement?

LisaSimpsonsbff · 10/08/2017 10:44

I find it weird to be singling out the pregnant female one for discussion.

But there are lots of threads on mumsnet about rude people of all kinds? Maybe it's because I'm bitter and barren, but I think it's weird to insist, as some people on this thread seem to do, that being pregnant gives you a pass from basic manners. Being pregnant should make your rudeness no more or less notable.

jay55 · 10/08/2017 10:46

I like her method. It saves anyone with an invisible disability the shame and embarrassement of saying no to giving up a seat.

GeillisTheWitch · 10/08/2017 10:48

To be fair, I've seen a few threads about man spreading before. And the OP started a thread about this particular person because she was peeved to have had someone shouting in her ear which I can understand.

nodramaforthellama · 10/08/2017 10:48

Lady on the train the other day asked me directly. There was cancellations and it was packed. I've an ltc so didn't overly want to give up the seat as I felt pants and dd was chucking her guts up into a sick bag.. funnily enough she didn't want the seat that much when I said she'd have to keep an eye on dd as I wouldn't be able to reach her. Took ages for anyone else to offer her a seat though. Would have been a lot less awkward if she'd just shouted out for someone to give her a seat. I felt awful although we needed the seats.

newidentiy · 10/08/2017 10:51

I think she was rude. I am again shocked at people on here who continually defend rude behaviour, rubbish such as she was at the end of her tether, etc and I want to be her friend.

Good manners cost nothing oh and incidentally I would have given her my seat if I had seen she was pregnant but definately not if she had shouted and not said please.

astoundedgoat · 10/08/2017 11:11

I think the OP's account makes the pregnant woman sound rude, because people are unaccustomed to assertive women. It's entirely possible that this woman was absolutely horrible, but equally we could be reading a post from the woman:

"Today I got on a train. It wasn't completely packed, but there were no seats and I have just had to leave work early because I feel hot and faint today - I'm DONE with being pregnant and I still have four weeks to go! So I'm trying not faint in public, but nobody is exactly leaping to give me a seat.

Finally I ask "Can somebody please give me a seat?" to the people around me in general, and most of them completely ignore me but someone a few rows away offers me their seat and they're really nice about it. I say thanks, and make some comment about having to squeeze past people to get to the seat, and I get this DAGGERS look from another woman about my age sitting down.

I was mortified, but seriously what was I supposed to do? Everybody on here always just says "Ask!" "Be more assertive!"

Anyway, I just buried my head in my laptop until it was time to get off. Maybe I should have said something to her? AIBU?"

LisaSimpsonsbff · 10/08/2017 11:17

Well, yes, it obviously would have been different if she'd said 'please' and 'thank you', goat - but OP is very clear that she didn't, so you've essentially just made up your own unrelated story?

talonofthehawk · 10/08/2017 11:21

Attention seeking and embarrassing. I wouldn't be seen out with someone who behaves like that.

talonofthehawk · 10/08/2017 11:22

Someone get @gloat a book deal for that whole unrelated and imagined story

GinaFordCortina · 10/08/2017 11:24

think it's weird to insist, as some people on this thread seem to do, that being pregnant gives you a pass from basic manners.

Basic manners states you give up your fucking seat in the first place. You should look to see who is coming on the trim if you are sitting Ina train with no free seats so the op's bs about no one having time doesn't wash. Pregnant lady on train, stand the fuck up. Especially as it wasn't so busy that she could be seen

kel1234 · 10/08/2017 11:25

I don't think k there was any need for her to be like that at all.
I stood on a busy train when I was past my due date, it didn't bother me at all. I was pregnant, not ill.

fluffywhitecarpet · 10/08/2017 11:25

She sounds like a dick head.

Nothing wrong with being assertive and asking when you need help, but jeez give people a chance to notice you board the train before ranting.

GinaFordCortina · 10/08/2017 11:26

it didn't bother me at all

Sorry, did you mean to sound so stupid?

LisaSimpsonsbff · 10/08/2017 11:28

GinaFord But two rights don't make a wrong - even if other people were being rude in not immediately offering seats, her shouting and demanding one without a please or thank you is still also rude. Everyone in that situation should be politer, but you seem to think the pregnant woman gets some sort of exemption.

GinaFordCortina · 10/08/2017 11:30

So if I'm rude to you and you respond it's 'two wrongs' and not a person a standing up for themselves? How completely wet.

Flip

1 2 3 4