To think this is not how you do needing a seat in pregnancy

[Mirrorface]

Getting on a not particularly busy train and just bellowing 'can someone give me a seat' a few times. No please. Of course someone gave her a seat and said 'sorry I didn't see you' and she replied 'I had to fight my way through'. Hardly. As I said it's not that busy and I was one of the few people standing - she pretty much shouted in my ear!

(But then calling other posters 'stupid' is also not the height of manners, so you may not be the etiquette expert you think you are!)

I think the wronged tired party gets to saybguve me a seat and not wimper politely and hope to be noticed, because she will get shit for that too

Anyone who had been pregnant would know what a terrifically stupid comment it was.

Look, you sound a bit unhinged now. If you can't see that it makes life a bit nicer if people say 'please' and 'thank you' when taking a seat, even a seat that they feel entitled to, then I think your world must be a very confrontational one. And poor OP didn't even have a seat to give up but still got this woman shouting in her ear!

Anyone who had been pregnant would know what a terrifically stupid comment it was.

Was that a response to me saying I was 'bitter and barren'? Because if so you're not just rude and a little deranged sounding, you're cruel.

Pregnancy is not an illness but it still kills half a million women a year. It still disables them, it still leaves them hospitalised because they can't drink so much as water. If you've never experienced a pregnancy like that you have no right to defend stupid comments. If you do you are likely to offend. It is not cruel to point out a fact.

I am an assertive woman but there is a big difference between being assertive and being rude. It is possible to be assertive whilst still being polite.

Can I ask if by using disablist language against me like 'unhinged' and 'deranged', would that be considered two wrongs not making a right?

So if I'm rude to you and you respond it's 'two wrongs' and not a person a standing up for themselves?

Well, yes. Because there is no need for you to start the conversation by being rude when it really wouldn't hurt you to include the word "please". Standing up for yourself is not the same as being rude.

GinaFord, by that token saying that someone sounds stupid could be taken to be disablist.

Well done, you've upset me and I'm going to leave and hide this thread. Congratulations. I'm glad you obviously don't know what it is to desperately want to be pregnant (or, in my particular case, to desperately want to stay pregnant), and I'm also glad I don't have to live in your obviously horrible little mental world. Quick tip: try treating people a little more pleasantly; you'll be amazed at what 'please' can achieve.

You know what, Gina, plenty of people who have had absolutely dreadful pregnancies still manage basic politeness. And if this woman was experiencing the sort of pregnancy you describe, she's hardly likely to be travelling on busy trains.

Ceto, if you read the previous exchange you'll see that I was making a point that Lisa has done exactly why she said the pregnant woman shouldn't do. As far as I am aware stupid has never been a word for a disabled person, unlike the above terms. If I'm incorrect please link and I will never use it again.

It upsets me when people blag off pregnancy as 'not an illness' because it didn't hurt them. I cried and wished I'd miscarry I was so ill through my first. I lost several stone. I still had to use public transport though. Being ill didn't suddenly make me a driver, funny enough

Maybe she's fed up of getting in the train and everybody studiously "not noticing" the pregnant woman?

No no no she's supposed to curtsy politely and then do a little twirl and hope they notice her. But not ask as that's aggressive. But not not ask because that's pathetic and pregnancy isn't really an illness.

As in:
"bellowing 'can someone give me a seat' a few times."

Why didn't someone give her a seat the first time? Because she didn't say please?
She shouldn't have to ask, really. Although I agree that "please" costs nothing and it's basic good manners.

But, I'd be more angry with the people who don't notice pregnant women or take their time to offer their seat, than at the pregnant woman who asks for the seat.

While I appreciate manners, I think it's great that she ask fur what she wants. I was brought up to take up as like space as possible, and be a people pleaser, it s taken me a loooong time to be comfortable about having needs.

Surely by being that rude you run the risk of it backfiring and no one moving. If I was asked directly (and politely) I'd more than likely move. If someone bellowed like that, I'd probably ignore.

Ohyes, I found being mahoosive and exhausted was great for destroying al of my previous people pleasing instincts

Rude would have been: "give up your seat you fucking bastards".

According to the wisdom of MN asking someone directly is worthy of a mouthful of abuse as you don't know if they have hidden disabilities.

Rude would have been heaving herself over and sitting on someone

Sometimes I would sit on the floor of the train while massively pg as no one would give up seats back then. That was actually quite effective!

Sounds like she's sick of getting on public transport and having to stand up. Yes a please would have been nice but I'd have given her the benefit of the doubt personally.