To think people underestimate impact of advantages

[brasty]

I think lots of people underestimate the impact of advantages in their life.
So having parents who value education and encourage you.
Having parents who find the best school for you.
Having loving parents who create a loving environment to grow up in.
Getting help with house deposits.
Having a parent who will help you out when things go wrong.

All or some of these things makes it so much easier to have a good life. Yet so many people underestimate the impact.

I had little or nothing growing up and no encouragement to study, but I did and TG have been successful.

But it's because of my upbringing that I'm giving my children every opportunity and every bit of encouragement and expectation, because it will make their life easier.

" ... staggered by the lack of awareness that some posters are in underestimating their good fortune" - its the same in real life.

I have friends who admire me for putting a reasonable life together after my childhood which was materially and emotionally deprived but those "friends" that look down on me seem to do so from unusually privileged heights.

Excellent thread, I found myself typing "YES YES THIS!!!" in my head.

I think that is true, but I also think not having those advantages does not condemn people to a hopeless life of continually make bad decisions and doing stupid sh1t either.

So much of life is down to luck.
Live in a more equal society like in Scandinavia and it's less important.
In the UK, it's hugely important.

My close group of school friends (6 of us) earn between £50k -300k a year each. Barrister, Doctor, Partner at big 4, etc
I'm the 2nd lowest earner (£80k ish) and I'm the only one that considers us all 'rich' and 'lucky'.
All others think it's hard work (we all went to private school and have wealthy parents). Amazing the denial.

I feel like I have won the lottery every day with my background. Loving, wealthy, stable. I have never had to worry about money (I cannot buy anything I want, but don;t have to worry about getting through the month with no money).

It's a massive gift.

I was thinking about the difference in senior politicians recently - and how the ones in England differ from Wales, Scotland, and NI.

Historically cabinet ministers in England seem to have gone to private schools, and Oxbridge.
This is not the case in the other parts of the UK, where even the senior politicians will have gone to school with the people they represent, and may have attended a variety of universities.

I had none of the advantages listed, but had THE MAJOR luck of the draw to have been born and raised in Britain.

Even those of us who started off at the very bottom of the heap with a dysfunctional upbringing have the unseen advantages of unlimited fresh water, the welfare safety net, an NHS, education for all, lack of endemic disease, etc etc etc. I may have started low, but my rung of the ladder was still above a great deal of the WORLD's population.

It's all about perception though isn't it? I'm ashamed to say it wasn't till my late twenties that I truly understood there were people in drastically poorer situations than me. I compared myself to colleagues who were millionaires, friends who went to Oxbridge and felt "poor" in comparison.

I still sometimes feel jolted by the circumstances an awful lot of people are living in. People going without food themselves to feed their kids, not daring to put the heating on etc.

This is why the tendency toward white privileged men in politics is so disasterous. Society gets designed around their needs, and their advantages make it difficult for them to see any other point of view. Hence things like taxes, and even fucking secrecy around periods, inclusive and accessible spaces for all still being a pipe dream, an ongoing need for positive discrimination to achieve equality.

The problem is that everyone buys into the vision these white men have and we stop seeing that women, BME, LGBT, people with disabilities etc etc are a fucking massive group without the privileges this one group have.

Absolutely agree
There is obviously a "scale" to these advantages though . My parents were not well off when us kids were young but much more comfortable now and able to help out.

The most valuable advantage they gave me though was just been there for me and been able to help me out to some extent financially when I ended up a young ish single mother . For me Re training in my career , supporting a child , saving for a house deposit was a lot easier with a supportive family behind me who let me move back into the family home / provided childcare for me etc etc . Had I not have had the support there is no way I'd have bought my own home or been able to study etc

Sorry if that's boasty not my intention , I was just thinking about all this the other day how lucky I am to have them

Definitely agree. I work in a very deprived area and it is so depressing to see talent and ability go to waste. In contrast to the families I work with, my DC have many more advantages but equally I am conscious of the limitations they face.
I'm an LP on a low income and as result we do less, I worry about money more and they're old enough to understand the economics. I very much doubt university will be an option even though they're academically very able

I totally agree that the advantage you can have from an upbringing is enormous. The problem is where do you go with this? There sometimes seems to be a message that middle class parents are being unfair when they try to do best by their children and it shouldn't be allowed. Middle class parents should be made to send their kids to sink schools. The gap must be closed and everyone at the bottom is as acceptable as moving everyone up. How do we level the playing field?

I had none of the things listed in your op but somehow did OK for myself. My DCs though have everything except the deposit and I'm sure that they will one day need that and we'll help. I'm very aware of their advantages over others and do my best to get them to understand it, not take it for granted and to not judge others who don't have it. I hope it sinks in.

whinberry Agree. Why are some people so desperate to triumph in the race to the bottom?

Yep.

And the people that say I've worked hard I deserve all the money I get. Thinking that those who are poorer don't work hard.

Ha ha ha

Absolutely agree. My parents believe they are where they are because they worked hard and anyone else can do the same if only they worked hard enough.

To be fair my mum has very little awareness of anything outside of her immediate sphere anyway so I wouldn't expect otherwise. My dad though should really know better.

I'm not sure about it really. I think lots of people can see things from others perspectives and lots people can't. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think growing up in a home where you feel loved, secure and valued is incredibly important. I think perhaps it's more important than anything else.

I also think that everybody has their own crap to deal with. Just because things look good on paper don't mean that people don't have their own stresses. If that was the case all the rice people would be happy and all the poor people would be sad and it cleary doesn't work like that.

where do you go with this

You disrupt the idea that all things are fair. You move further away from the idea that every individual has brought about their own demise via shitty decisions. You remember this when you vote.

I think Cantsees point about normalisation of success is absolutely right. If your social circle growing up was successful it feels achievable for you, part of your world. Otherwise you need a big push from somewhere.

I'm really fed up of the "I work hard and earned my success" line. As pp have pointed out, so many people in the U.K. work so hard and are still struggling.

I agree although I think it is a bit more nuanced as other posters have suggested. I know of people who have a wealthy upbringing, private school etc but very detached parents who might be financially successful but their personal life is less successful.

The one phrase that illustrates the problem for me is when people say "we are all one pay cheque" from disaster or similar. A lot of members of the establishment are not in that position and probably can't imagine what that feels like.

I was the first person in my family to go to university. My DC (10 and 13) see university as the norm as do their peers.

There's also the fact that the childhood you have is something over which you have no control at all. Some people can get defensive when someone says, oh but you had kind, wealthy parents - it can feel like anything you did on your own counts for nothing.
Yes, inequality is a massive problem - and the first and most important steps to fix it involve going after the big companies who dodge all their business taxes, rather than cutting services in a way that hurts the poorest.

I think you're right op but there will always be many different scenarios in life that set you back so sometimes it's best not to let what others think get to you. Why should someone from a privileged background have any idea what's going on in a person with a less advantaged background? Be great if they did but how often do they have any contact with anyone outside their world.
I have worked so hard knowing I will ever reap the rewards of other people. But if you take a step back and work seriously hard with an aim to stopping the stereotyping that happens in adult life you can get where you want to be. I am mixed race (dark skinned) from an abusive home. I worked and qualified (really struggled as was not the most intelligent and luckily went into a vocation) as a professional, saved my house deposit on my own and have mental health problems as a result of my background but knowing that only I can make the change to my own life really helps and I also have counselling to keep me on track but that is a recent thing.
People also underestimate how ignorant people can be across the board i.e. It's not just top down that's a problem. I went to a job in a brand new sportscar that I worked so hard to have but in the area I was working it was a well known disadvantaged area, people kept making negative comments about the car and some even talking to me even though I hadn't changed overnight from a car purchase!
I try to change things that I can now i.e. I like some people in my profession, when I'm hiring a pa I won't only employ a graduate because I struggled to get into uni. I whichever job I'm in a always ask for them to pay to train my staff properly to give them a chance. I use agencies in more deprived areas to find the people that really need and want the work. It won't change though. Even if you have someone who really wants to change things i.e. MP that are from a crappy background, I've found a lot of the time people from disadvantaged backgrounds will actually look down on people that have made it so how can you change society when both ends won't meet in the middle?

wttffs
Please don't go ruling out university for your very able children just because you are skint. Under the current system being really skint can be a lot better than middle of the road. Have a look on Martin Lewis's Money Saving Expert website for more info. I'm not saying it's easy but I know a number of kids who don't get any financial help from their parents.

I second that book mentioned by chickenfray
' The life Project - just about to read the last chapter tonight .
Really interesting and shocking to see how you can almost predict where people will end up from when they 're pre school age.

Hmm..A Lot of posters underestimate the impact of being a U.K citizen.
A lot of posters underestimate the impact of being 'white'. One could go on forever really.

There's always someone you're more privileged than OP, yes ..even you! I'm sure you don't wake up every morning thinking about it though.