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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu not to split holiday bill 50/50

107 replies

SM1234 · 08/08/2017 08:55

Hi, I'm new to this so please bear with me....

DP has 2DS and we are going on our first holiday all together, usually when it's just the 2 of us we split costs and expenses 50/50. Aibu not to do this when there are 4 of us (DS 12 & 14).

DP earns more than me but I'm happy to put in a bit extra but not 50/50 - what would be fair?

Thanks

OP posts:
Ragwort · 08/08/2017 09:49

Regardless of who pays what I would be giving very serious thought to going on holiday with two 12 & 14 year old boys - are they happy that you are coming along with their Dad? How well do you know them? Do they live with their Dad? If they live with their mum and this is a 'holiday with Dad' I can't imagine they would be very happy if Dad's girlfriend joins them?

I may be wrong, perhaps you all get along very happily - although as a mother of a young teenage boy I wouldn't choose to go on holiday with a boyfriend who has two sons that age Grin.

PelorusJack · 08/08/2017 09:53

I don't think you should pay for the children.

You should also have a chat about what you are going to do when you are holiday - types of restaurants and activities etc. What if the kids want to do an expensive activity etc etc. I don't think any of it needs to be a problem but it's worth having a chat beforehand.

JuicyStrawberry · 08/08/2017 09:53

I think you pay for you and he pays for himself and his children is the best way.

bananacakerocks · 08/08/2017 09:57

There is absolutely no way that I'd expect BF to pay 50/50 for a holiday with my DS. I'd probably ask him for 1/3 share as there are 3 of us.

It's things like this now that set president for things to come!

Sinead9 · 08/08/2017 10:04

If you're in a serious enough relationship to go on holiday with them, you're in a serious enough relationship to be paying half.

BertrandRussell · 08/08/2017 10:10

"If you're in a serious enough relationship to go on holiday with them, you're in a serious enough relationship to be paying half"

When he earns significantly more than she does?

AhhhhThatsBass · 08/08/2017 10:12

I'd ask him what his expectations are (in a non confrontational way), prior to the holiday.
I'd expect he will say that you should pay 1/4. However I think at most you should be willing to pay about 1/3. Not 50/50. Especially given the circumstances ie you don't live together and he earns more than you do.

Maelstrop · 08/08/2017 10:12

RTFT!! As you don't live together, I think there's no way you should pay for his kids. You don't live with them, they're not your responsibility. Why should you pay? If he fancies bringing along a mate, why would you pay for him? Same difference.

Huskylover1 · 08/08/2017 10:15

It depends on the type of holiday.

All Inclusive : he pays for 3 people, you pay for yourself.

Villa holiday : this is more tricky, as you'll have supermarket bills and meals out etc. If he is a decent person, he will make sure that he is always putting in 3/4 of any bills.

What has he actually said about the money side of things? If he expects you to go 50/50, I'm afraid he is seriously taking the piss.

C0untDucku1a · 08/08/2017 10:15

You should pay for yourself. He should cover the extra costs of his children. You are not a family and therefore dont share financies.

ProseccoBitch · 08/08/2017 10:21

@Sinead9 "If you're in a serious enough relationship to go on holiday with them, you're in a serious enough relationship to be paying half."

Really?? When they don't even live together? Why should she pay for his kids to go on holiday??

BertrandRussell · 08/08/2017 10:25

"Really?? When they don't even live together? Why should she pay for his kids to go on holiday??"

Why does it matter whether they live together or not? This is wierd!

ProseccoBitch · 08/08/2017 10:33

Because they're not a family, why on earth should she pay for his children?

Lweji · 08/08/2017 10:37

Tell him that when you get married, then you have joint finances, and you contribute towards his children's holiday. Otherwise, it's on him.

Unless you specifically invited them

BertrandRussell · 08/08/2017 10:38

Even if they were "a family" why would she pay half if she earns significantly less than he does???

Lweji · 08/08/2017 10:39

Wait. Has he even said he expects 50:50, or are you just wondering in case he wants 50:50?

ishallconquerthat · 08/08/2017 10:40

If he can't pay for 3/4, you should go somewhere cheaper. Or better still, let him go alone with his 2 DC while you relax by yourself elsewhere, child free.

I have a feeling he's not only looking for someone to pay for his children, but he is also expecting you to do a good share of the childcare.

KC225 · 08/08/2017 10:40

Another one for - no you should not be paying for his children. Although it doesn't seem clear that he expects you to. Why would he when he earns significantly more than you?

Gooseberrycrumble4 · 08/08/2017 10:41

He should pay 3/4 as they are his children and you're not living together or have shared finances.

You could pay 1.5/4 if feeling generous and earn a good wage.

BarbaraofSeville · 08/08/2017 10:45

I have a feeling he's not only looking for someone to pay for his children, but he is also expecting you to do a good share of the childcare

Given that the OP has said nothing about her DPs expectations re sharing of expenses or 'childcare' it is rather presumptious to assume this. He may agree with the consensus here, that he should pay for most of the costs as his family are incurring them.

And as for childcare, we are talking about teens/near teens, so I wouldn't have thought that was an issue.

BertrandRussell · 08/08/2017 10:47

"I have a feeling he's not only looking for someone to pay for his children, but he is also expecting you to do a good share of the childcare."

Blimey- that's a leap! Poor sod!

Blanketdog · 08/08/2017 10:53

NO you should not be paying for his kids and at 12 and 14 they will basically cost the same as adults!

HeartburnCentral · 08/08/2017 10:53

You should pay 1/4. Your Dp and the Dc's mother should be funding their dc's share. They're their kids so their responsibility financially. You should discuss how this will work when/if you ever live together as a family and how finances would work.

HiJenny35 · 08/08/2017 10:55

As you don't live together then no I wouldn't expect you to pay half however I wouldn't say 1/4 either as I doubt the kids are as much as a full adult. For example lots of places you get kids accomadation for free with the adults and are they having a room or is it just on the sofa bed in the living room of your accomadation? If a bedroom what's the difference in price between the one and two bed place. Also is it full board or will you be eating out? If eating out then I'd only expect to pay for meals every forth days as at that age im guessing they will be having adults meals rather than kids. I'd get it al sorted before booking as it could end up spoiling the holiday.

Ragwort · 08/08/2017 10:56

Have you even discussed the financial arrangements yet?

Who decided on the holiday?