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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu not to split holiday bill 50/50

107 replies

SM1234 · 08/08/2017 08:55

Hi, I'm new to this so please bear with me....

DP has 2DS and we are going on our first holiday all together, usually when it's just the 2 of us we split costs and expenses 50/50. Aibu not to do this when there are 4 of us (DS 12 & 14).

DP earns more than me but I'm happy to put in a bit extra but not 50/50 - what would be fair?

Thanks

OP posts:
Dadstheworld · 08/08/2017 09:14

Maisy I don't think we know the DPs expectations yet.

Rhubarbginisnotasin · 08/08/2017 09:15

Pay for yourself. Pay exactly what the holiday cost you. And when you are on holiday you can say dinner or lunch is on me a few times but that really is all that you should be doing.

rightsofwomen · 08/08/2017 09:15

Fair would be for you to pay 1/4. Nice would be to chip in with expenses for the girls.

Petalflowers · 08/08/2017 09:15

Why don't you pay 1/3 each. Ie. Two children = 1 adult.

Therefore he pays 2/3, and you pay for 1/3.

knaffedoff · 08/08/2017 09:16

I wouldn't split 50/50 but offer more than the value of the goods and avoid calculating the bill for example if i had a coke, pasta dish £8 and pudding £5 I would contribute £20.

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2017 09:16

Has he asked you to pay half? I would also expect you to pay less, but as the kids won't drink and if you do, then I would expect your share to be higher than 25 percent. Prob in the region of 30/40 percent depending on how much you drink.

CoughLaughFart · 08/08/2017 09:17

Of course he pays for the kids! I can't believe anyone is suggesting otherwise.

BarbaraofSeville · 08/08/2017 09:18

You should be paying about a quarter to a third of the cost of the holiday - no more.

And even a third is generous if the DCs are charged at adult prices and eat at typical teen boy rates. Their food and snacks will probably be more expensive than yours unless you eat a lot or have lots of cocktails etc.

Questioningeverything · 08/08/2017 09:20

Not holiday but when my oh and I go out (usually with my dc, his are with him weekly, mine full time) we tend to split, sometimes he'll pay for all of us, more often I do.
If it were a holiday with my dc and him and I, I'd be firmly paying all of mine and dcs costs- it's what my money is for. He may choose to treat occasionally which is lovely but not expected.

Imo he should be covering the bulk. I don't know that I'd divide by four but if flights etc I would. If all inclusive for example he'd be paying for him and his dc, because I'd be paying my own way if I were in the reverse situation.

I suppose it depends how long you've been together, but I don't see how the higher earner should get a financial win from his partner joining them and their dc on holiday by splitting costs 50/50. It feels a bit like taking advantage to me

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2017 09:21

I'm not sure it's about the food, I often find alcohol is the biggest expense on holiday.

SoupDragon · 08/08/2017 09:21

If you were living as a family with joint finances then there would be a reasonable argument for you to pay half but you aren't.

SoupDragon · 08/08/2017 09:23

It's not clear from your posts whether he has actually asked you to pay for the children.

Bemusedandpuzzled · 08/08/2017 09:23

You say this is your first holiday together - is this a relatively new relationship? If so, I think a 50/50 split is unreasonable. If you were an established household who all lived together for years, my answer would be different.

MaisyPops · 08/08/2017 09:29

dads
Ah right, I assumed that this had come up as in is the OP unreasonable to only want to pay her part and it was implied DP wanted more.

My mistake. I take it back.

ExConstance · 08/08/2017 09:31

Your first holiday together and he is bringing his children along? he should be paying ;you to go!!!!!

Buthewasstillhungry · 08/08/2017 09:32

My DH pays for him and his DD and half for our DD.
Why should you pay for his kids!?

ConstanceCraving · 08/08/2017 09:34

What does he say?

Tazerface · 08/08/2017 09:34

I wouldn't expect to pay half under these circumstances. Especially if the kids go free - because then he's got a 'discount' by not paying for them but you have to pay more to feed them!

LellyMcKelly · 08/08/2017 09:40

When my DP and I take my kids out, I usually pay for all of us. When it's the two of us, he usually pays. When we are out with his kids (much less often as they live in a different country) he pays for all of us. That's the general unspoken rule, though it's flexible and he'll often buy my kids cinema tickets, etc. In your case, I'd expect him to pay most. It might be worth suggesting a kitty so you all know where you stand at the outset.

pleasingone · 08/08/2017 09:42

12 & 14 year olds will have adult meals so it does seem unfair for you to go 50/50. Maybe he has already thought about this?
Perhaps you could roughly add up what you have when you eat out and round it up and he picks up the rest of the cost?

Allthewaves · 08/08/2017 09:45

He should be paying for himself and his kids

Billben · 08/08/2017 09:45

You should just pay your own share in these circumstances. I definitely would. If he insists otherwise then you know what's coming if you stay with him long term

millymae · 08/08/2017 09:46

I'm inclined to agree with ExConstance's view, but failing that you should just pay for yourself.
Even if your partner is expecting you to pay for yourself I would hope that he would knock off the cost of the odd meal out for you in recognition of the fact that you are helping him look after his sons.
In your shoes at this stage of the relationship I certainly wouldn't be offering to pay 50/50 of the total amount of the holiday. His sons are not your responsibility to fund.

londonrach · 08/08/2017 09:46

Huge depends on this....do you live together as a family, how long youve been together etc. Judging what youve written id say you new on the scene here so in which case maybe 1/4 or slightly more. Depends on how you see this relation going? If you live with dp id say 50:50

Birdsgottaf1y · 08/08/2017 09:46

I was in a similar situation. I was Widowed, so no Co-Parent and he had less living expenses than me.

I paid for my nearly teen children and he treated us to two trips. It was a destination (Egypt) that he wouldn't have picked, but he loved it, so felt that he wanted to treat us.

Depending on were you are going it can be cheaper to drink alcohol than buy soft drinks and teen boys will generally eat a lot more than an Adult. So it would be like paying for two additional Adults. Only if I had lots of money to spare would I do that.