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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this accepted now? Young children and electronics on public transport.

789 replies

AnneGrommit · 08/08/2017 02:30

The last few times I've been on a train (not in quiet coach) and quite often on the bus I've had my peace disturbed by toddlers with phones/tablets either playing noisy games on them or watching programmes. When I've asked parents to rein them in I've been invariably met with either passive aggressive remarks about not liking children (I have three myself) or outright hostility and a statement along the lines of "it keeps them quiet". No, it doesn't. It stops them from pestering you but it's far from quiet. AIBU or is this an accepted "thing" now? Because it's fucking annoying.

OP posts:
zzzzz · 08/08/2017 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShiftyLookingBadger · 08/08/2017 22:57

If you are moaning about when it's playing loudly then YANBU, but if it's on v.quietly I don't see the problem. My (just turned) 2 year old DD is full of energy so if she was bored she'd be going biserk. She's too young to keep earplugs in so trust me, a little bit of peppa pig on quietly to keep her in her seat and silent is much better than the alternative. I have to do this in restaurants otherwise she'd be whinging to get down from her chair after 30 seconds of sitting down. Hmm

Goldenhedgehogs · 08/08/2017 23:08

Off subject a little but I would love to be able to book the non silent coach of the train. You can only specify silent not the non silent one in the UK and me and my 3 under 4 kids were once put on the silent coach from London to Newquay. I don't know who wanted to cry more me or the other passengers, and no we didn't have tablets as it was a while ago but that journey is burned in my memory.

supermoon100 · 08/08/2017 23:47

Shifty, your 2 year old does not need to watch pepper pig without earphones, in public. That's putting your needs before everyone elses. Also there are headphones with big soft ear coverings that would suffice. Do not make people around you suffer. Simply not fair.

Theladyinthebath · 09/08/2017 00:28

Saw a well to do looking coupe outside the pretty pub in marazion this week holding a phone with peppa pig on it down towards their bairn - a baby of 12-14 months
I swear they both as good as had their backs to it

user10794etc · 09/08/2017 01:13

Do not make people around you suffer. Simply not fair.

She said it's on quietly, and it's in a public place surrounded by myriad other noises. You're being a bit liberal with the word "suffer".

supermoon100 · 09/08/2017 04:23

No I'm not. I hate the noise, it's like nails on a blackboard.

grannytomine · 09/08/2017 09:58

BasketOfDeplorables exactly and yet if you say that electronic sounds can be tuned out more easily you are told you are an oddity.

grannytomine · 09/08/2017 10:04

Shifty, your 2 year old does not need to watch pepper pig without earphones, in public. That's putting your needs before everyone elses. Also there are headphones with big soft ear coverings that would suffice. Do not make people around you suffer. Simply not fair. So I will ask again, have you taken a vow of silence when you are in public? Do you ever speak? Do you wear slippers so people don't have to listen to your shoes? People make all sorts of noises, as I said earlier the noise I hate most, almost to the point of phobia, is sniffing. The number of people who sniff is phenomenal and I really want to hand out tissues but I have to distract myself if I am sitting near a sniffer. It is public transport and people talk, use their phones, watch videos and the train engine makes a noise. I was on a train last week and the noisiest thing on the train was the woman selling drinks and snacks, she had a voice like a foghorn and thought everyone would appreciate her humour. My heart sank when she came through for a second time but you know some people wanted drinks so I concentrated on my book and waited for the nuisance to pass.

Ontopofthesunset · 09/08/2017 10:10

Yes, but the woman selling drinks and snacks had to speak - it was her job. Maybe she needed voice coaching (though I shouldn't think any of the rail operators would run to that) but she was providing a service. And she was passing through the carriages and moving on.

It's irrelevant whether there are other irritations in the course of a train journey. I think one of my responsibility's as a mature adult is to minimise the ways in which I or my children irritate others. I won't be able to remove all of them, but I can minimise them.

No one (with all the necessary caveats about children with special needs) needs to listen to an electronic device without headphones. Children who are too young to wear headphones certainly don't.

Ontopofthesunset · 09/08/2017 10:11

responsibilities, of course. Typing on the phone.

crazyhorses3 · 09/08/2017 10:12

I absolutely hate this. I think a lot of parents just can't cope with their children unless they are glued to some form of device. Colouring pencils and pens, books, sticker books? Listening to a story with headphones on? I guess I didn't travel long distances with children on public transport, but even on long car journeys we managed without noisy devices.

zzzzz · 09/08/2017 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ontopofthesunset · 09/08/2017 10:20

It's actually not a choice to be annoyed by electronic noise, just like it's not a choice to feel sick at the smell of hot food in an enclosed space. I don't have a problem with people listening to tech. I wish them joy of it. I listen to tech - music, audiobooks, language lessons. I have headphones. No one else has to listen to me listening to tech. That's the point. When my kids had DSs, in public they always had the volume off. Now they wear headphones.

If you have upstairs or next door neighbours who play music very loudly at night, do you think "Well, it's their choice. I'm glad they're enjoying their music inside their own home even if it is keeping me awake. Their right to listen to music is just as great as my right to sleep" - of course you don't. This is comparable.

grannytomine · 09/08/2017 10:38

Ontopofthesunset I've travelled by train many, many times. This woman was the noisiest person I've ever heard working on a train and does selling drinks need to be a rehearsal for some comedy act? She wasn't providing a service to me but I was forced to listen to her for a long time. There were several kids in the carriage, all of them combined for the 3 hr journey made far less noise than she did and yes some of them had electronic gadgets but they were all well behaved, volume low and no more annoying than the adults talking, announcements, annoying lady with trolley.

Different people find different things annoying, me and sniffing which sometimes means I have to disappear as it can make me vomit and I'm not being precious it is like a phobia well I suppose it is a phobia as even thinking about it is making me feel sick, but we can't expect everyone to do what we want. I suggested earlier that we make a list of what people find annoying, I suspect the list would be very long and there might well be something on there that you do without realising it drives other people mad. I remember a thread on here some years ago, a woman was moaning about people with BO on public transport, she then bragged about how she doused herself with expensive perfume so no one could object to her smell. She was most offended when people pointed out that some people hate strong perfume smells and it actually makes some people struggle to breathe if they have COPD or similar. She was most offended but she felt it was fine for her to judge.

grannytomine · 09/08/2017 10:40

If you have upstairs or next door neighbours who play music very loudly at night, do you think "Well, it's their choice. I'm glad they're enjoying their music inside their own home even if it is keeping me awake. Their right to listen to music is just as great as my right to sleep" - of course you don't. This is comparable. Not a public place so not the same at all.

JacquesHammer · 09/08/2017 10:47

I think a lot of parents just can't cope with their children unless they are glued to some form of device. Colouring pencils and pens, books, sticker books

I hate this sort of lazy assumption. I was a SAHM for 8 years - I can entertain and interact with my child until the cows come home. I genuinely can't see why I wouldn't allow her the autonomy of how she wants to entertain herself?!

Caveat as this always done with headphones but on a journey my DD might like to watch a movie, or listen to music, or read on her kindle. She might like to look at a magazine.

None of them are more worthy activities. The world has changed, technology is amazing - I genuinely can't see what benefit there could be to insist on how she spends her free time.

Ontopofthesunset · 09/08/2017 10:49

Well, it would be even more reasonable for them to play music in a private place, wouldn't it?

Whether or not we inadvertently do things that might annoy other people, it is just being considerate to try not to do things that we know might annoy others.

DeannaTroika · 09/08/2017 11:28

Not a public place so not the same at all

No, they are in their own homes, so even more entitled to do their own thing than when sharing public spaces with others!

I think what many here mean is "I don't mind it so you shouldn;t either, but I mind lots of other things which I reserve the right to complain about".
You're just hypocrites.
Defend all you like, everyone knows that audible electronic noises in public spaces are anti-social. It's a fact.

zzzzz · 09/08/2017 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarolinePenvenen · 09/08/2017 11:55

So all the people who complained the other week about their neighbours playing music in their gardens...? Oh no wait, they aren’t allowed to do that either...

DeannaTroika · 09/08/2017 12:10

I think it's antisocial to stigmatise part of society based on your invented rules

It's not stigmatising people to call them dicks when they are being dickish.

Morphene · 09/08/2017 12:15

I don't think people should allow children to listen to peppa pig without headphones. I also don't think the adults playing GTA (in silence but being over looked by a 3yo) were being polite.

Basically I think everyone needs to rethink their public spaces protocols.

BasketOfDeplorables · 09/08/2017 12:23

Acceptable noise levels are very much a cultural thing, though. There aren't objective rules.

DeannaTroika · 09/08/2017 12:24

And the culture of the UK/Ireland is to keep your shit to yourself on public transport (and other places).