IsDHbu?!

[user1484937392]

Is DH bring unreasonable?
We have 2 DD's. Dd1 is 13. Dd2 is 12.
Dd2 has always been that kid that gets nits. No matter what we have done, she attracts them.
DH says it's now time that DD2 does her own hair as DD1 has been doing hers since she was 11. Like just going through it. Keeping ontop of it. I do the whole nit lotion thing but that every day she should go through it. Now DD2 can't even put her hair up in a pony tail properly. DH says I mother her too much. That DD2 expects me to do it all the time (which she does) so now DH has taken her phone away until she proves she can do her hair. I feel DH is BU sometimes. DD2 gets into a state about it and I do it as it's easier tbh. I'm not allowed to remind DD2 or tell her or help. She has to do it herself. She can go days without brushing her hair too. She starts YR8 in a brand new school in Sept so DH wants her to 'grow up' and take responsibility. Is he BU?!

Fuck sake I am 40 and I get DH to check my hair - what is his problem

I think you need to help her grow up but kindly. Nits are awful to deal with on your own.

He is bu, taking her phone away because she can't do her hair is a tad cruel in my book, but I do think perhaps you should start teaching her to do it herself, she definitely shouldn't have to be trying to go through her own hair for nits though.

I think thats reasonable tbh. There's no good reason why she can't take Day to day responsibility for her hair. The nits don't really come into it tbh as you will still be applying the treatment.

It's not good parenting for him to unilaterally take this stand and punish her. You need to get on the same page.

You're "not allowed" to help your dd?

When she had nits me & DH would treat it, go through it etc. But DH says to keep them at bay she should use the comb everyday so if there is an escapee then we can be prepared. DD1 tries to show DD2 how to do her hair, I try but DD2 just doesn't care. So I do do it so she doesn't look a mess.

Exactly what is involved here day to day?

Cos if it's only brushing and keeping an eye on it then of course thats age appropriate.

It sounds like she has never even brushed her own hair? Surely not?

I'm with your DH - think it's perfectly reasonable to expect a child going into Year 8 to be able to comb their hair daily with a nit comb and tie their own hair into a ponytail.

She's 12 and can't do a ponytail or comb her hair? DH is right, you sound like you are babying her immensely.

DH took her phone to make her do it. Because she has spread them throughout the house more than once. I get DH thoughts because DD2 can be so frustrating with her hair. She has been taught to use the comb. But I just feel that maybe I should just do it as DH & DD2 get into so many arguments because of it. I feel DH is BU as he does say how DD1 can do it why can't she but DD2 isn't that way inclined.

Well it's personal hygiene- she needs to get that way inclined

Your not allowed to help her. He's being spiteful! Completely agree with Alanna about helping to grow kindly. Taking her phone away! What does he do when she's actually naughty!

Its not a case of cant.

Its a case of cant be arsed. She knows if she doesnt do it, you will.

She needsbti get inclined. I cant help wonder if the hair is the tip of the iceberg for your dh and he is thinks its time she grew up in general. Does he feel that you are stopping her growing up?

She cannot put her hair in a pony tail no. It's so frustrating watching her do it. If I or DH doesn't nag her she wouldn't brush her hair. She had it all cut of short as she just refused to do it. I baby her in a sense that when we go out I like her to look nice. Yes admittedly. But I understand reading replies that maybe I have done what she's wanted. Her to kick off so I do it. DH tells me that if she can't put her hair up or do her hair how is she meant to do other womanly things when they come. Oh dear. Right bloody mess I've got myself into. I do wish DD2 would do her hair and want to make an effort. And maybe having her phone taken away then it might help? So DH isn't being unreasonable?

She cannot put her hair in a pony tail no. It's so frustrating watching her do it

I bet she can. She just knows you will step in and do it, if appears that she cant.

Spartacus : yes DH does believe DD2 should grow up now. She is very immature anyways but wants to be treated as grown up when going to town with her friends, cinema, going out etc. Just her hygiene is like below. I've sat with her for hours at least twice a week to show her how to do her hair for months when she started high school. But it fell on deaf ears. DD1 tries too but again to no avail.

If you ask her, would she rather have it cut off short again? Not everyone can be arsed with all the care of long hair, it doesnt make her less womanly.

Well, I'd go for a pixie cut. Less likely to get nits, doesn't need to be in a pony tail, hardly needs brushing.

Buy her a big hair claw. Or a hair slide with the metal clip underneath. There are loads of other ways of wrangling hair.

But yeah it does sound like laziness and a heavy dose of manipulation. I don't see why a weekly wash with nit shampoo wouldn't keep it at bay rather than daily nit combings which seem unsustainable tbh.

But he has a point you know. If she's this bad about her hair, her period is gonna be a problem. She will need to change her pads alone and wash her bits alone.

If she knows she has to do her hair she starts crying straight away. I try to keep the peace but it's frustrating me now. I'm starting earlys this week and DH will be with her in the mornings and I dread the coming home talk I'm sure me and DH will have about how it took DD2 an hour to put her hair up.

It's a mix.

Taking her phone if she's never learned is U. But expecting something like a basic ponytail at 11 isn't U, she's in secondary school. She should be able to get herself dressed and out of the door by herself by now.

Combing of hair generally and putting it up in a ponytail, yes your DD should be doing this for herself and I agree that this is all to do with personal hygiene (although confiscating her phone seems a little harsh as a punishment for that).

Help with nit checks and treatment needs a bit more help, however, I feel. My DD works with children (as did I, several years ago). We have very thick hair, and we've helped each other for such checks. Quite tricky to do it on your own, thoroughly.

She had it cut really short. Three times now as a Pixie cut. But wants to grow it out as all the girls have long hair etc. i mean now it's just above shoulder length. I know everyday seems a bit extreme but I think it's DH way of putting it into a routine. I'm not sure.

PS - lotions for headlice are not normally too effective. Lashings of conditioner and thorough combing is absolutely the best method. Also, a dab of tea tree oil at the nape of the neck helps to keep the little blighters at bay - they hate the smell of it.