Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think OH is a complete dick!?

90 replies

OMFL · 07/08/2017 03:31

So kids are playing in the garden with a selection of toys. I have 1 girl (6) and a boy (4). The boy goes towards the playhouse which happens to be pink and purple in colour. Its a toy house that opens up and comes with a load of stuff and characters. OH watches him and looses his rag sends him inside and says "you may aswell put a bloody dress on".
Boy comes in to me crying saying i dont want to wear a dress i was just playing. I try to stay calm but totally want to smash OH in the face for upsetting our son whilst innocently playing with what is fundamentally a toy house that just happens to be pink. I ask him what his problem is and he replieswith "when he gets battered when hes older for being a poof you can deal with it I'm outta here". Has anyone come across this where partners object to girly stuff or is it just me thats ended up with the nob from hell?

OP posts:
Guepe · 07/08/2017 03:33

If this is for real, LTB.

Fatguy · 07/08/2017 03:41

Yes he's a dick. My son 4 and daughter 6 where doing a "fashion show" on the weekend and he put her clothes on, i thought it was cute. He's sexuality did not cross my mind at all.

coffeeandrainbows · 07/08/2017 03:47

This attitude is a real problem and something you need to address with him now. Google toxic masculinity and see if that sounds familiar for your OH. I hope you can help him see how damaging this attitude is for both your ds and dd before it's too late.

abbey44 · 07/08/2017 03:48

He's the knob from hell - at that age they're just playing.

My first LTB - get rid of the neanderthal.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 07/08/2017 03:50

Homophobic prick, what would it matter if your son does grow up to be gay? Playing with 'girl' toys wont make a damn difference if he is or not, its biological.

WS12 · 07/08/2017 03:56

Aw gosh this is awful! What would your hubby do if your son picked up a doll or pushed a pram? My son does! It's completely normal to play with girls toys and vice versa - this is off point, but this shows how horrible he has been to kick off like this for going in to a pink play house! There's nothing wrong with it at all. I'd tell him straight he doesn't say stuff like that AT ALL of he can get lost. Your children's emotions and confidence come first. What an arse.

Poor you for having to deal with that 💐

TheLegendOfBeans · 07/08/2017 03:58

Is this a post from 1973?

Atenco · 07/08/2017 04:13

What are you doing with a man like that, OP? I mean do you have the money and the space for two playhouses, each in the appropriate colours?

Italiangreyhound · 07/08/2017 04:27

I am usually very negative about men, and i can see his actions are crass and awful. Totally confusing for your son.

But I wouldn't lave my husband over such a comment!

Just talk to him. The toys your son plays with will not make him gay or otherwise and it is highly unlikely he will be attacked at any stage in his life because of his toy preferences.

However, many men do fear being picked on for being too effeminate because being feminine is looked down on in society. So help to educate your dh that part of raising kids is to change the future for the better, and not just perpetuate the shit from the past.

Plus all and any kids can get picked on and so teaching kids, resilience, both mental and physical, and confidence etc, can help them. Playing with a house or a pink toy makes your boy no less of a boy but it's not just your dh's view coming across here, it's his socialization, so you need to combat it. Or you could just do some pink braids in his Neanderthal fur!

Italiangreyhound · 07/08/2017 04:29

leave

he toys your son plays with will not make him gay or otherwise *not that there is anything wrong with being gay, either, of course, just they will not affect him. You and I know it, of course.

Italiangreyhound · 07/08/2017 04:29

as in I wouldn't leave

Italiangreyhound · 07/08/2017 04:30
Wink
MistressDeeCee · 07/08/2017 04:36

hmm I don't know - I think its entirely possible Id want to leave a man who shouted aggressively at our son and upset him, and made him feel "lesser" about his innocent choice of toys//play.. Its likely not going to be the first & last time and DS will likely be scared and nervous af about even approaching that playhouse. Not nice, and not fair.

mylaptopismylapdog · 07/08/2017 05:04

His reaction is shocking and his intention to abandon you all if his son gets bullied is just awful, quite frankly if that's his idea of model masculinity I would seriously be thinking you are better parenting alone. What happened to the notion that a father is someone who cares and protects like a parent?

Georgieporgypuddinandpie · 07/08/2017 05:23

Ugh yes he sounds like a prat!!

kateandme · 07/08/2017 06:02

but what if it was his choice to play with the "girlie" stuff.this reaction is wrong coming from all points.heaven forbid if your son is gay.or even trans.who knows! this kind of homeaphobic shit is just wrong whatever the person is doing.

Bumdishcloths · 07/08/2017 06:05

This made me terribly sad. The thought of a 4 year old child being bawled out for his play choices is absolutely abhorrent. I would be absolutely incandescent and seriously reconsidering my choice of partner - there needs to be some kind of discussion with OH about how damaging he is being.

TheDowagerCuntess · 07/08/2017 06:11

I find it hard to believe this is real. You've obviously been with this man for a long time.

He's only just showing you his vile colours now....? Hmm

MissionItsPossible · 07/08/2017 06:11

He sounds like a knob

bloodymaria · 07/08/2017 06:21

So this is the first time he's ever been homophobic? Really?

PoorYorick · 07/08/2017 06:24

This is the first sign ever of his bigotry?

AnyFucker · 07/08/2017 06:38

He's in the closet

Shoxfordian · 07/08/2017 06:39

I'd consider whether I wanted a homophobe to be around me and my children if I were you OP

CecilyP · 07/08/2017 06:44

You've ended up with the knob from hell, I'm afraid. So you have a really exciting toy in your garden that's even more fun when 2 can play. You have 2 children, yet only one is allowed to play with it! That's just plain weird.

DressedCrab · 07/08/2017 07:01

I can see no possible reason to keep him in your life.