Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think OH is a complete dick!?

90 replies

OMFL · 07/08/2017 03:31

So kids are playing in the garden with a selection of toys. I have 1 girl (6) and a boy (4). The boy goes towards the playhouse which happens to be pink and purple in colour. Its a toy house that opens up and comes with a load of stuff and characters. OH watches him and looses his rag sends him inside and says "you may aswell put a bloody dress on".
Boy comes in to me crying saying i dont want to wear a dress i was just playing. I try to stay calm but totally want to smash OH in the face for upsetting our son whilst innocently playing with what is fundamentally a toy house that just happens to be pink. I ask him what his problem is and he replieswith "when he gets battered when hes older for being a poof you can deal with it I'm outta here". Has anyone come across this where partners object to girly stuff or is it just me thats ended up with the nob from hell?

OP posts:
Woopzies · 07/08/2017 20:23

That's disgusting imo. Should have more sense than to label a boy of 4 transgender for playing with something that may not be as masculine as he would like.

YABVU to have not smashed his face in by now!

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 07/08/2017 20:31

He is a sexist homophobe.

Why can't you leave?

Original poster
OMFL · 07/08/2017 20:50

Leaving is not as easy as most people seem to think.

OP posts:
DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 07/08/2017 20:54

Nobody said it was easy. I have left myself with just the clothes on my back. It wasn't easy but it was necessary, my only regret was that I didn't leave sooner.

number1wang · 07/08/2017 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PollyFlint · 07/08/2017 22:46

You are right that leaving isn't 'easy'. However, sometimes the right thing to do isn't easy. Sometimes the 'easy' option is one that is harmful to your children, so you need to take the difficult one.

Your children's father is a sexist, homophobic cunt who swears at and bullies his own children and you hate him. This is a horribly toxic and damaging environment for your kids.

Yes, it's hard to leave. That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't do it.

If the reason you can't leave is that your husband is violent, abusive or controlling towards you, then please seek some help from Women's Aid or Refuge. Letting off steam on Mumsnet about how much you hate him isn't helping either you or your children.

If it helps, I managed to leave a man who effectively had complete control over my finances and our living accommodation and who repeatedly beat me up. It wasn't easy, but I did manage it. You can manage it too.

NeonMist · 07/08/2017 23:42

I feel so sad for your son, about what messages this gives him, and you have all the right to be fuming. Yes your partner is a **ob. So of course this needs to be addressed with him. However, I would like to shift attention to your son who will be feeling confused and hurt - making sure that you validate him. Attempting to challenge the damage that your partner has inflicted. These kind of memories can be deeply damaging for a person's sense of self.

UtterlyFcked · 07/08/2017 23:44

If leaving is a bit tricky, bury him under the patio. Which is exactly what I would do if someone called my child a 'poof'. Well done your son for not giving a shiny shite about gendered nonsense.

C0untDucku1a · 08/08/2017 00:03

Im assuming he is a bully to you too op which is why you feel you cannot leave. Can you contact womens aid if you are scared to leave?

TheDowagerCuntess · 08/08/2017 00:27

Leaving is not as easy as most people seem to think.

Nobody says LTB on a thread like this, expecting the OP to promptly pack their bags and walk out that very second.

They're saying that what is going on in your relationship / family dynamic is sufficient to leave a person over. And that perhaps you should consider it, with a view to doing it, once you've got all your ducks in a row.

This won't happen overnight, clearly.

We are well past the era of 'staying for the sake of the children', as we're in more enlightened times now, and know that staying often does more harm than good, longterm.

Leaving isn't easy - for you. But, likewise, staying won't necessarily be easy for your DS.

Partypolitics99 · 08/08/2017 05:44

This is the first time I have said this but seriously think about LTB
This would be a huge red flag for me. My friends dad was the same and when my friend realised he was gay he did it feel he could tell his dad and he woukdnot accept it and this caused him to have a breakdown. His mum knew but also knew that dad was kick off.
When the dad did find out he disowned him. My friend said here was lots of poof comments and catching the gay and faggit comments to him growing up. He self esteem has still not recovered and he can't form a relationship out of guilt

Original poster
OMFL · 08/08/2017 14:08

My dream is to LTB or bury him. Then again a burial seems too good for him. Rolled off a cliff maybe. Its work in progress. Thank you lovely ladies 🖐

OP posts:
CardinalCat · 08/08/2017 14:11

Your poor little boy. This is heartbreaking Sad

QuackPorridgeBacon · 11/08/2017 17:30

If you hate him so much why are you still with him? Why not confront him or tell him to leave because he is being a twat to your kids.

Paddingtonthebear · 11/08/2017 17:31

Awful. Your poor son. Imagine having a dad like that. Shock

New posts on this thread. Refresh page