AIBU to think OH is a complete dick!?

[OMFL]

So kids are playing in the garden with a selection of toys. I have 1 girl (6) and a boy (4). The boy goes towards the playhouse which happens to be pink and purple in colour. Its a toy house that opens up and comes with a load of stuff and characters. OH watches him and looses his rag sends him inside and says "you may aswell put a bloody dress on".
Boy comes in to me crying saying i dont want to wear a dress i was just playing. I try to stay calm but totally want to smash OH in the face for upsetting our son whilst innocently playing with what is fundamentally a toy house that just happens to be pink. I ask him what his problem is and he replieswith "when he gets battered when hes older for being a poof you can deal with it I'm outta here". Has anyone come across this where partners object to girly stuff or is it just me thats ended up with the nob from hell?

I am sorry you feel you are stuck with this tool.

If he is worried about him being bullied there is a lot more useful parenting he could be doing than screaming at him about going in a house that has some pink on it.

He sounds very low intelligence and very insecure.

Has anyone come across this where partners object to girly stuff or is it just me thats ended up with the nob from hell?

You are choosing to stay with a homophobic dickhead though, why cant you leave?

LTB, reminds me of the poster who's husband always said he'd disown his daughter if she got pregnant too young and he followed through with it.

YANBU

OP why can't you leave?

Christ he'd have a field day with my son. High pitched squealing "oh my god that's soooo cute" when choosing his sisters clothes. DH is being a pleb. Whack some lippy on give him a kiss and tell him he's now "gay"

You hate him, so there is clearly more to this as well. You can leave him if you really want to, I would have thought.

He sounds like a homophobic and bigoted twat.

I would not have even tried to hide my feelings and opinions if my DH had said what yours did. I am pretty confident I would have rounded on him straight away and told him to stop being a twat. If that had resulted in him sulking and/or flouncing then so be it, that would be fine by me.

What an awful man! That would be enough for me to end the relationship! He's going to mess your sons head up! Maybe he has some of his own issues that he can't face up too!? Nasty Nasty man! Your poor little boy

You can leave him OP. You were not born and raised with him, you will live just fine without him. Many women leave nasty men and go on to live full lives. There are so many places you can get advice, people on MN who've been through similar and will guide you. I feel so sorry for your boy. Please don't stay around and let his dad turn him into a nervous wreck who can't wait to leave home and never return.

Always find it strange when "talk to him" is suggested re the man causing the problem. As if the OP hasn't already done that many times and been unlistened to, reached the end of her tether hence is on MN...!

You cannot reason with hateful bigots. Women don't need to be The Idiot Whisperer. To shout and upset a child like that, saying such nasty offensive things. Its not acceptable and says a lot for his character and how he views and intends to raise his own child

Children FIRST. Not men

I have a mind you will do the right thing eventually OP....more strength to you

@leighdinglady

It's more pronounced toward boys who play with "girls'" toys, but it certainly happens the other way around. I liked cars and not dolls when I was a child. I remember my childminder surveying my toy collection and asking me, incredulously, whether I was a little boy, telling me that if I wanted to be a little girl I had to play with dolls. I was humiliated and did what I was told.

My dh is the most blokey bloke ever, a walking cliche. Ex army, caked in tattoos, mouth like a sewer half of time. My ds has played with dd toys his entire life. Dh has been his patient while he was dressed in dd nurses outfit treating him with the sparkly pink doc mcstuffin doctors kit. He cries he loves him better and he never stops kissing and cuddling him and telling him he loves him. My ds is not 'girly' because of this and he idolises his dad. You don't make a 'poof'. All your dick of a husband is doing if making your ds hate him and eroding his confidence.

Why do people say LTB for every single thing, it's not that simple financially or emotionally to just leave, stupid people. I disagree with homophobia but bloody hell not enough to break up a relationship over his views

My first ever LTB, or at least consider it. If my lovely DH said such a thing to our sone I'd have to seriously consider it, homophobia is just vile and inexcusable.

Isadora I agree with the excessive LTB especially when the husband seems to be very nice in other ways. But it's not 'just' homophobia it's being really nasty to a 6 year old that's innocently playing.

You don't make a 'poof'

Well, ironically enough many years ago now some gay friends of mine took part in a symposium where they reached the conclusion that though a lot of gays are born that way, the rest all had macho fathers or domineering mothers, make of it what you will. So if anything is going to make a child grow up to be gay, it would be having a father like this one.

You have been with this man for years, surely this isn't the first time he has announced such ridiculous views?

Is this literally, genuinely, honestly the first time you have ever heard him utter such a belief - that males who like 'girls' things, or that there are even 'girls things', are 'poofs' who 'may as well put on a dress'? You have NEVER heard a mere whiff of this, not since the birth of your son, daughter, not while dating? You had no idea whatsoever you'd landed yourself with a homophobe from the 1890s?

OK.

Well, he hid it well. Hopefully these men will eventually die out, and the key to that is us not choosing them as mates so they don't get to procreate, and if they do, we keep them away from the children so they can't spread their poison further. But it's going to be very difficult to do, even in the case of a split (and really, how can you possibly enjoy a marriage with a man who claims your son 'will be a fucking poof' if he touches a doll? How on earth can your son grow in that environment? How can this all mesh with your desire to protect and nurture your kids?)

First date tips. Ask if they're massive fucking homophobes with a rod up their arse about pink toys.

And who the fuck says "poof" since 1978

Isadora no-one has said or claimed leaving an abusive partner is "easy" but when there are children involved you have to put them first. It's not to late but if these children are exposed to this man as they grow hey will grow up emotionally damaged.

Yes he is their father and yes i wish i could LTB. I hate him.

You always have a choice.

You cannot reason with that kind of bigotry. Your poor DS.

And no, my DH wouldn't ever say anything remotely like that. Because it's not normal.

Your husband is an ignorant wanker and I hope you leave him.

I can't imagine having kids with someone like that, his views haven't appeared overnight. I'd certainly LTB before he can influence your children further.

You cannot reason with that kind of bigotry.

Quite. All you can do is let the person know you find it unacceptable.