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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Seriously scared! Would you have answered.

171 replies

Dancingfairy · 07/08/2017 00:28

I live alone with my children. I am a single mother. My baby is quite difficult ATM and seems to be cluster feeding so I'm always awake quite late. She finally drifted off about an hour ago so I have been cleaning non stop since. Anyway I've been up and down the stairs putting rubbish out etc. anyway I came back upstairs and my door knocked, this was literally 10 mins ago. Obviously I got quite scared due to how late it is. They knocked about 3 times then left. Didn't knock any other doors. I can't be 100% sure but I thought I heard what sounded like a police radio. Would you have answered?! Wibu? I wanna point out now that a few months ago this same thing happened when I was heavily pregnant. I woke up in the middle of the night went toilet came back and lied in bed and my door knocked, it was roughly the same time. I know no one that would knock, or who would just show up.

OP posts:
AwaywiththePixies27 · 07/08/2017 07:17

Then they really had no reason to frighten the OP at midnight.

I don't get this either. I'm also a single mum and live in a high crime area so have police visits often for door to door enquiries etc.

Whether it's been 10 in the morning or midnight (NDN had attempted break in and they were hoping he was still hiding in one of the gardens- they were right - he was found hiding in another neighbours wheelie bin). They have always made their presence known when knocking and apologised for disturbing us too. Confused

marleyandpea · 07/08/2017 07:18

Oh this sounds very scary, OP! I hope everything works out for you!

greendale17 · 07/08/2017 07:19

I would not have answered the door at that time of night. Nor would I ever put rubbish out at that time

TheMogget · 07/08/2017 07:24

How did you and your son know it was a man from a knock?
I'm amazed the Police came round at that time of night unless you were in immediate danger in which case surely they should have made their presence known.
Hope you stay safe OP

sandgrown · 07/08/2017 07:28

I used to work evenings. I got home about 1145pm. I was making a cup of tea when there was a knock on the door. My heart stopped when I saw a policeman stood there. I thought something had happened to my grown up children. It was about a long outstanding parking ticket. He had tried unsuccessfully to contact me during the day a few times and had seen my light on!

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/08/2017 07:29

They probably wanted to do it as soon as they reasonably could, and seeing her light on thought she was awake. But when she didn't answer they left it for another time.

There's no particular reason to leave a message like that for the morning if the OP is awake and available. Given most people work, leaving it for the morning most likely means they wouldn't be able to speak to her until the evening - since they don't know when she gets up or when she might leave for work and they will probably have a shift change in the middle too. It can be very tricky to just catch people in, the point at which most people are available is the evening and that's often the busiest time for responding to emergencies.

PumpkinPie2016 · 07/08/2017 07:37

Poor you OP - I would be frightened too!

Please get your locks changed today - that way you know that even if your ex has a key, he can't get into your house.

After that, I think staying at your sister's might be a good idea - I know she is away but if you have a key then just go round. I know I would not mind a relative staying at my house when I was away in these circumstances and I'm sure your sister won't either.

Take care OP and please don't go outside at night in future - leave it until morning.

Notevilstepmother · 07/08/2017 07:38

Can you ring the police and ask to speak to someone about getting a panic alarm installed?

Notevilstepmother · 07/08/2017 07:39

Oh and obviously get the locks changed.

Timmytoo · 07/08/2017 07:47

Nope wouldn't have answered. Have you not watched Strangers? Their only motive was that they were home and answered the door. I know it's just a movie but there are loads of bad people in real life and I've watched waaay too many horrors.

donajimena · 07/08/2017 07:48

When my ex was violent the police showed up to take a statement at midnight Hmm
They didn't say it was them until I got to the door and asked who it was!

Jijhebtseksmetezels · 07/08/2017 07:51

OP this sounds tough. This is what I would do:

-get locks changed
-stay with sister
-inform school for the children's safety
-speak to police about panic alarm and safety concerns
-look for a new place to live.

C0untDucku1a · 07/08/2017 08:04

Id be moving. Hoor you got some sleep.

StealthPolarBear · 07/08/2017 08:06

Burnt but why not call

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/08/2017 08:15

Stealth most likely they didn't have her number and in any case would need to speak to her directly for a host of reasons - being able to identify who they had spoken to after the fact, checking that she appeared safe, etc.

StealthPolarBear · 07/08/2017 08:28

Yes I agree they'd need to talk in person but a call ten mins before to say "we're the police and going to bang on your door in ten mins, please call us back on a looked up number to confirm" would have actually achieved their aims.
That said you're right they probably didn't have her no. I assume they're omniscient!

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/08/2017 09:43

Many people dont have landlines anymore and those that do often withhold listings from the directory (I'm not even sure where you'd get a telephone directory from anymore, but I assume the police do!). Police can't get your phone number if it's not publicly listed except in specific circumstances, and contacting you to tell you they are going to knock on your door isn't one of them!

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/08/2017 09:45

I also think that could be a dangerous precedent to set - you have no way to verify it's the police calling you, so it could be used to scam people if the public thought it was a normal for the police to call first. "Madam, there is a plain clothes detective about to knock on your door investigating credit card fraud. Please have your credit cards and PIN numbers to hand."...

StealthPolarBear · 07/08/2017 09:50

Boom that's why I would assume they would ask her to lookup the police number and verify it.
But expecting a woman on her own with a violent ex to open her door to a stranger in the middle of the night is irresponsible on their part.

Theresnonamesleft · 07/08/2017 10:08

Even if the police did have a contact number, how would it work anyway?
Phone rings it's a private/unknown number so most wouldn't answer anyway. Who would be making this call? Time would be taken to either talk to the person and then calm them down. Or leave a message and hope it will be listened to.

So now police are on their way and an emergency/crime happens elsewhere. So either that car is still sent to the original destination even though it's the nearest car to the new incident. Or they respond and the original person is either left waiting indefinitely or is called to say oops, going to be another time. And again who makes this call?

Theresnonamesleft · 07/08/2017 10:13

They may have tried during the day.
When my ex was on the run, they kept coming back until they made contact. It wasn't their fault that this was after midnight. They had no other details and imagine the headlines if they had waited until daylight and something in the meantime happened.
They also wouldn't want to announce they were coming because you would panic and if that violent person was in the house, it would put you in danger.

DavetheCat2001 · 07/08/2017 10:31

How are things today OP?

WellThisIsShit · 07/08/2017 11:27

Lordy, poor you. Main thing now is to make you and dc safe asap
Flowers

LorLorr2 · 07/08/2017 11:50

You poor thing. If you speak to police again I would ask their advice on security for the house (although a PP had really good suggestions).
I assume your ex does know exactly where you live? If not I was going to say notify your neighbours that if a man comes asking about you they musn't give any info.

I also wonder if it's worth asking your little one if he's seen daddy lately? (In case he's seen him from afar or anything)

best wishes OP Flowers

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 07/08/2017 14:46

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I'm just so confused today, it hasn't really sunk in. Can the police arrest him for having mental health issues? Or does it mean he has committed some kind of crime? Or is it because of his "hit list" just trying to understand really. I don't know whether to contact his sister but then we weren't particularly close and probably not a good idea anyway.

OP posts: