AIBU about being called a "fucking awful driver" by DH

[FlowerSour]

Rather shaken after today, so partly posting here for traffic. Will try and make it short.

DH and I have a good relationship. He can't drive at the moment due to crutches and we had to drive a four hour round journey today, on the dual carriageway, some motorway and LOTS of horrible, curvy country roads.

I only passed my test eight months ago and since then I have never gone on a motorway, only on one short dual carriageway and have stuck to local driving.

So today was my first proper journey that was long, and only the second journey that I had to use a sat nav. I'd also never driven on such busy, country roads before. I was very nervous and now feel shit.

DH has said I'm a "fucking awful driver."

On the journey, DH insisted my seat was too far forward, so I moved it back despite me thinking it was fine. He was insistent I was too close. This meant that I couldn't reach the clutch as well as before and five minutes later I almost lost control on a country road at 45mph as I couldn't reach the clutch, which meant I couldn't lower the gear.

Then on a dual carriageway I slowed down for a car to merge to about 50mph, the car swerved to just in front of me, almost hitting me. I swerved as well, but didn't go out my lane but the car on my right hit the horn multiple times as obviously I freaked them out.

Then on a three laned roundabout the lines were very faded and then totally disappeared. The car behind me on the right was very close- so on the inner side of the roundabout- and then got aggressively close. I had to move to the right of my now disappeared lane to make room for the other car on my left, and I'm not sure which one of us was 'out of place' but again he hit his horn and drove up the butt of my car for the next mile and a half.

I'm so confused. I don't know if I am genuinely a shit driver, or if I've just had a bad long, first journey. I did four hours of driving today and I've never done more than an hour. I'm a careful driver and have never had any issues before.

If I did make any mistakes today I've definitely learnt from them. But I'm still very shaken and feel like I shouldn't even be on the roads.

Do I sound like a shit driver? Or was this expected of a four hour journey, newish driver, DH being a pressuring bastard, never been on motorways before?

I have to make the same journey again next week. Do I go for it or do I just not try again?

Sorry my AIBU was am I being unreasonable to think I'm not a shit driver, just an inexperienced one who was not completely at fault for today's incidents?

You are a new driver, no-one is brilliant straight away. He should be helping you build confidence, not slating you!
As far as the seat position, I would think you should be the best to judge that. Not being able to reach the pedals is really dangerous, and you should be judging whether you are in the correct position for driving or not, regardless of what he thinks. He sounds a bit of a tool tbf.

Your husband was an arse. But why did you move your seat back? If you had it in a comfortable driving position you should have ignored him. We all make mistakes when we are unsure of where we are going and tired/ nervous. Deep breaths and relax. It doesn't sound like you were a terrible driver

Things like merging, keeping to your lane on a roundabout etc do need a confident assertiveness, so that might come with practice. Maybe be clear with your DH before the next drive about his input. His comments show very little respect.

If you are nervous and still in effect learning, you can get motorway lessons. Your husband has behaved like an arsehole, however.

Just inexperienced and carrying a really annoying back seat driver with you! I only passed my test recently too and the kind of journey you describe sounds like my idea of hell!

My DH has been driving for 20 + years and about a month ago, he pulled out of a t junction and nearly slammed straight into a car approaching from the left. It happens. It's why we have insurance.

I think you should congratulate yourself on doing what you did today. You arrived in one piece and no damage done.

To be honest, your driving doesn't sound great but it also sounds like you were very uncomfortable in the driving situation your DH put you in today so this was bound to affect your driving. If you haven't driven for more than an hour and never on motorways, expecting you to drive for 4 hours sounds a bit unfair.

The only way to get better is to get more experience so definitely make the journey again. It sounds like you are nervous and/or struggling a bit to judge both the size of your car and where you should be on the road relative to other traffic. Try and get out and get as much experience as you can. Maybe even a lesson on motorway driving.

He's not normally like that, but he is very moody at the moment due to broken leg and not being able to do much. Not an excuse I know but he is being quite foul to me at the moment. He keeps getting in moods.

Today's mood was caused by me driving, for example. And I think he was nervous as well as he KNOWS I'm still very new to driving.

Thank you for the comments.
I'm glad I'm not just an awful driver.

I have spoken to DH and he has apologised. And I moved my seat back as it felt okay adjusted at first, I assumed DH would be right (wrongly) and I only realised I couldn't push the clutch down properly until it was too late.

Mine does this sort of thing. I pull over and say shut up or walk

You're a new
Driver and having a shit
Passenger doesn't help! Get some experience or even some extra post test lessons if you're feeling a bit nervous it's just time I'm afraid to deal with other often shitty road users

I think an Advanced Motorist course would be a good idea, particularly now as a journey like that would dent anyone's confidence.

It sounds like you have difficulty trusting your own judgement?

I had someone really honk at me on a big multi lane roundabout. It was simply because I was following the lane markings and he wanted to drive in a dead straight line.
Lots of people drive very badly on big roundabouts and it drives me up the wall!
From what you've written you don't sound like a bad driver, just inexperienced and nervous. If my oh spoke to me like that I'd not be giving him any more lifts anywhere!

I suspect you're no worse than any new driver, but you've had a shit passenger.

You are the best to know if you're seat is in the right position and you can reach the pedals okay, so stick to what you feel comfortable, which doesn't mean struggling to reach the pedals. I have my seat quite far foward because my legs aren'the very long. I got a new car in January, and on this one, I can also adjust the height of the seat and steering wheel, which all helps, but I've never had that on previous older cars.

You might not have judg

I can't get past you moving your seat back so you couldn't reach the clutch just because your DH said so. Why on earth did you do that. You've endangered lives instead of standing up to him. Does he bully you? It's really fucking mean of him to criticise your driving when he knows how inexperienced you are. You need your confidence building up, not knocking right down. We all have made mistakes when we were new drivers and unused to the roads

Are you doing him a favour by doing this drive? If so Id tell him to piss off and find someone else.

You probably shouldn't be making those sorts of mistakes 8 mo the after passing your test tbh. It sounds like you were already nervous about the journey and things went wrong from there. If you're that nervous or unsure if your driving is up to scratch then I would suggest booking an assessment lesson with an instructor to do a bit of pass plus. It will either give you the additional skills you need or boost your confidence to trust that you're doing ok!

Your DH shouldn't have said that to you. If you are a new driver and was struggling, he should have been helping you.

Generally people only beep at you if you've done something stupid/nearly caused a crash/cut them up, etc. You do get some idiots who beep for no reason but for two to beep like that, you were either unlucky or not driving very safely/very well.

In terms of reaching the clutch, how did you start driving off if you couldn't reach it? Unless you moved the seat back as you were driving which is obviously really dangerous.

Regarding the cars being close, are you sure your not perceiving them closer to you than they actually are? Just with you saying that you've had to swerve/move to avoid two cars nearly hitting you.

Could you maybe have some motorway lessons to give you some confidence?

No one can say whether or not you're a good inexperienced driver or a poor inexperienced driver unless we can see you driving though!

Also will add I've never had any near misses before and up until now my driving has been of a good standard, even if just locally. I've done big roundabouts and busy town driving, for example and have no issue driving with DC locally. This is the first time I've ever had an issue and until yesterday I'd have happily said I'm a good driver.

Also worth mentioning most of this happened on the way there- the journey back was easier, so now I look at it again I can see I did improve as my nerves went down.

I'll also look into motorway lessons. Will help with confidence, definitely.

Honestly doesn't sound great driving but you'll get there with experience so don't let it put you off. Book yourself some motorway lessons to raise your confidence levels then go out without him a few times, or stick him in the back with a gag on.

I'm sure you're not a shit driver, you're just an inexperienced and nervous driver - im the same if I'm somewhere I don't know. Your DH wasn't very supportive.
Don't beat yourself up. Maybe you could look at getting a few driving lessons for motorways etc, I think it's called driving plus or something.
One of my last journeys I could hear a cyclist giving me a load of abuse and I still have no idea what I did wrong, I waited for a large gap and overtook giving him loads of space so I was baffled what I'd done but it shook me up too thinking I'd made a mistake somehow.

My DP snapped his femur 5 days after I passed my driving test. He was horrible to drive around: snappy and frustrated and many times I ended up in tears. I can completely understand how you were feeling. Try not to let today dent your confidence, your driving will improve as you gain more experience

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you're a good driver. It sounds like it's something you only do because you have to rather than enjoyment. You should relax and gain experience on these roads you've previously avoided otherwise you'll be putting yourself and others in dangerous positions. It sounds like you drive to slowly given the speeds you mention on the roads you've mentioned and that somebody has driven aggressively close. Sometimes it's because they're arses and sometimes it's out of frustration that somebody isn't safe.

My pet hate is people who trundle along at whatever speed they fancy on roads rather than the designated speed. You are driving a big metal killing machine and you must ensure you can handle it correctly.

We all make mistakes when driving so don't be too hard on yourself but for your own sake, gain the confidence. Get comfortable and get safe 😀

Is your dp an arse in other situations?

You might not have judged it right on the dual carriageway or roundabout, but without being there, I don't know. In any case, even experienced drivers make mistakes, especially on roads they don't know - it's not always clear which lane to be in at roundabouts and so on. You do need to learn to drive with idiots who are too close behind you, because there are some idiotic, aggressive drivers out there.

The only way to improve is practice. Keep driving, and when you can, drive on different types of roads and to places you don't know. You will improve, but it takes time and practice. Don't lose heart just because of today!

I pulled off okay but the gears were sticking as I wasn't putting the clutch down fully. Which I didn't realise at first.

The guy who tried to pull out in front of when merging wasn't my fault as even DH said he was a "fucking bastard." He literally tried to move onto the dual carriageway where my car was but I couldn't move over to the right lane as there was no room. Hence why I moved in my line to the right, meaning this car was then straddling the merging lane and my own line, before braking finally leaving him behind me. It was really was very scary and I don't think this was my fault.

Roundabout I'm genuinely not sure. I'm not sure if the roundabout was big enough to have three cars going round it. I was going straight over, car on my left was going left and the car on my right- the one that beeped- was also going straight over, even though I don't think the roundabout was big enough to have him trying to straight over in a separate 'lane' instead of going behind me.

I often get people driving up the arse of my car and overtaking frequently. It's inner London and I follow the speed limit religiously but many cars seem not too.

You need to practice more. The examples you gave don't sound awful expect for that car mergibg. It's not your job to help them merge. Move over if you can but that aside, it's the other cars job to either slow down or speed up and fit in accordingly. Do not not slow down for them because they will be trying to pick up speed and move over and you changing your speed could make it harder for then to judge the road.

Practice practice practice. Get out on unfamiliar roads more.

Being too close to the steering wheel is part of being a new driver. You worry about being too far. The more confidence you have, by driving lots, the more you will better adjust your position.