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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he wants to cause trouble?

100 replies

Emboo19 · 06/08/2017 14:20

Firstly I really don't like this person, so I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into it.

It goes a way back, but I'll try to include the relevant information without being too long. My bf has 3 good friends all known each other from primary and then there's a larger group of friends whom they've met at high school through football etc. One of the 3, let's call him Dave, is the problem. I don't like him, (think stereotypical ukip/trump supporting wanker) never have even before going out with my bf and he's not well liked by the majority in the group, other than my bf and the others from primary school. The rest of them are really nice guys (none share his opinions) and I don't get why they're friends with him, but for some reason they are and they tend to excuse his twatish behaviour as 'it's just what he's like' 'he doesn't mean it'.

He was pretty horrible when I was pregnant with something he said (although he denies he meant it the way I took it). My boyfriend had words with him, he apologised and my boyfriend reduced contact with him.

Now to recent, we've had a few nights out where Dave's been and he's been making his comments and digs again (my bf does always pull him up on them).
Then Friday I went out with friends, my boyfriend is away on a stag do with work friends. His brother who I'm good friends with babysat for our dd.
I saw a few of bf's friends out (Dave included) and was chatting to one who I get on really well with, he'd bought me and my friend a drink, Dave came over and asked 'where the kid was' (never calls her by name) made some comment regarding where my bf was and how hot the girls are there, and said me and the friend looked very cosy. This is the kind of thing he does/says.

Yesterday morning I see a photo my bf's brother put on instagram of him with his niece (my dd) saying babysitting, best uncle kind of thing and tagged their other brother and me, Dave had commented saying 'odd you only babysit when J's away, wonder what you get for that'. Boyfriends brother replied 'fuck off' which he followed with a 'only joking, why you being so sensitive' which is his usual response. I then had a message from a friend who'd seen he'd put a picture on snap chat of me talking to the other friend with some 'while the cats away comment' this would have probably gone to all that group of friends and my bf.
I've only briefly spoken to bf as he's still away and he's said he'll talk to him.
But I know he's going to just say it was a joke and I think it's going to get brushed aside again. I don't think it's just a joke though and although I know my bf trust me I don't want other people thinking there's any truth in it.

Sorry it's long and real school yard stuff! But AIBU, if I say enoughs, enough and that I don't want my bf to be friends with him anymore.

OP posts:
MissBax · 06/08/2017 14:23

Oh my - YA definitely NBU. I would be furious! Can you call Dave and give him a serious ear full??

Emboo19 · 06/08/2017 14:34

I don't have his number and honestly I think he'd get off on knowing he was bothering me MissBax

OP posts:
MissBax · 06/08/2017 14:36

Hmmm,could you comment something sarcastic on the post he commented on instead? So it looks like you're not bothered but also publicly embarrassing him at the same time? I wouldn't be able to hold it in. I'd also tell DP that if he doesn't sort it out I will myself (and that I'm not fucking about) 😉

Whocansay · 06/08/2017 14:40

"Haha X. Judging people by your own standards again then? I can't imagine why you don' have many friends"

That should do it.

And when he gets upset, you can say you were "only joking"....

Wanker. I hate people who do this.

witchofzog · 06/08/2017 14:41

Bet his real name is Steve. I knew an utter cunt once called Steve and this is exactly the sort of thing he would do. Infact he nearly split me and my ex dp up by pulling this sort of shit.

As another poster said, this guy thrives off a reaction. Give him none. He probably has a sad life and a small cock. However when your dp comes home you are going to have to have a serious chat about this guy and how disrespectful he is being to both of you. Hopefully he will agree and you can both out some distance between yourselves and him

Lionnesss · 06/08/2017 14:45

Is it just you he's like this with or all his friends gfs maybe he's jealous cos he's single and wants what you and your dp has

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 06/08/2017 14:46

Ask who's he's jealous of: clearly not you as he was pointing out all those hot girls in the bar - clearly hotter than you Hmm, so is it your boyfriend? I'd be asking if he thinks you stand in a way of his homoerotic fullfilment.

BabsGanoush · 06/08/2017 14:48

Time to stop going out drinking then.

witchofzog · 06/08/2017 14:51

Seriously Babs? This post is to ask how to handle the situation with Dave. Not to tell the op how to live her life Hmm

TurnipCake · 06/08/2017 14:52

Well, you can't stop your BF being friends with him, there's a friend of OH's who I don't really like and the feeling is mutual, I just avoid going to events if he's doing to be there, I don't stop OH from going, I have enough of my own circle not to mind.

LaArdilla · 06/08/2017 14:52

That's right, Babs is here to tell us how it's done. Don that pinny and stay indoors, like a proper obedient slave.

(Babs, yer a wanker.)

(Dave, yer also a wanker.)

MissBax · 06/08/2017 14:52

Time to stop going out drinking then. - Dave, is that you!

Lionnesss · 06/08/2017 15:25

Too put a pic on snap chat ov you talking to some1 defo seems like he's trying to cause conflict in ur relationship I'd ask him straight out what his problem is

Emboo19 · 06/08/2017 15:44

I've tried commenting back in the past and had a few arguments with him. He always turns it round to just being a joke and that I'm being unreasonable or his favourite phrase 'emotional'. He's blocked from all my social media now and I do try avoid where possible, but like Friday he always approaches me.

Non of the girlfriends like him Lionnesss but he's not as bad with them as he is me. He wasn't as bad with my bf's previous girlfriends either, but none of them liked him.

I get that Turnip but I'm not sure what else to do. If he'd just leave me alone then fine, he can carry on, but he's the one who comes over to me, he's the one posting pictures of me. The larger group of friends includes both mine and bf's friends so I'm not willing to stop seeing them all, and he's always out, even if he's not officially invited.

OP posts:
Emboo19 · 06/08/2017 15:49

He must be mustn't he Lionnesss I can't think of any other reason. But I bet when my bf asks it will just have been a joke, he was winding the other friend up, nothing to do with me.

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 06/08/2017 15:51

Hard to ignore, but definitely the best way. He's a complete wanker and obviously looking for a reaction. Blank him when out. Defo get bf to have words and really ensure he gets the message across. How dre he imply that you're playing away?! Fucking arsehole.

MissBax · 06/08/2017 15:52

I would still probably message him but something like "what's this weird snapchat I'm hearing about? 😕" - make him feel silly for it.

Littlechocola · 06/08/2017 15:54

He fancies you.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 06/08/2017 15:56

What an utter dick. I hate him on your behalf.

MissBax · 06/08/2017 15:56

He fancies you - or your DP

AnUtterIdiot · 06/08/2017 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

geekone · 06/08/2017 15:58

I think I would get my friend to comment "well if the only other option was talking to you who could blame her"

Somerford · 06/08/2017 15:59

What do you think his motivation is? I get that you think he's trying to cause trouble, and it sounds very much like he is, but there must be a reason for him to put this level of time and effort into it. Is he just a prick who has nothing better to do than wind people up or do you think he genuinely wants to bring about the end of your relationship? Don't get me wrong, whatever his motivation is it's a problem and one that needs to be dealt with. But it helps if you understand what you're up against.

RandomMess · 06/08/2017 15:59

I would make a big thing out of Dave clearly fancying you seeing he is so desperate to split you and DP up...

RB68 · 06/08/2017 16:13

Just one of those jealous boring guys that want to stir as they have nothing better to do - a real life troll