To worry that there is too much of am age gap to have more kids?

[alwaystiredneversleeping]

I had my first 2 children very young. They are now 12 and 15, I am not with their father and got married to my long term partner last year.

We decided last year that we want to try for a baby, I have some fertility issues/health issues so it may never happen for us but we have been hopeful and after years of uni/job changes/family issues etc.. we decided the time was right after we married.

That was until a few nights ago, my 12 year old was really poorly as in vomitting and pooping at the same time, up every 60-90 minutes to help him to bathroom, shower, back to bed etc...

It's taken me 3 days to recover! Luckily I am off work for the week due to school hols.

I am now worried I will never cope with the exhaustion that comes with a new baby! Am I just being silly or is it going to be really difficult adjusting after 12 years? I have trouble sleeping as it it is due to pain and the other night really knocked me.

Has anyone had big age gaps? How did you cope with the adjustment?

Concentrate on the children you have.

I was nearly 14 when my youngest sibling was born. I ended up raising him so yes you have a point - if you're exhausted now with 2 older kids then you probably should do them a favour and not have any more.

Not a big age gap but I'm sure you'll cope. When you have 1st you do so you'll manage. No sleep is crap at any stage but worth it in the long run 😃

I have an almost 7 year gap.

It really threw me. But i got through it. I was knackered and i think i had forgot how hatd the first few months were.

Dont regret it for a second.

The main difdicult bits have been that ita diddicult to find something to entertain both. Now my oldest is a teen and often out with friends etc my youngest is almost like a only child. Which i think he loves.

But my dbro and sil had their kids close together and just had different issues.

I don't think there's such a thing as too big age gaps. I've known so many families with a huge age gap nearly 20 yrs where all kids in the family have thrived!!!!

I have a 16 year gap between my two. I found it much easier second time around even though I was 40. Having said that DD was a very placid baby and I was very very lucky with that.

The only thing i would really consider is the change in the household dynamic and how you would prepare the older kids.

Teens still need their parents and they need to be prepared for you and dh being parents to a new born.

Also i can definitely say i wouldn't have a third. I am 35. I have been a parent to yiung kids all through my twenties. I am starting to enjoy the feeedon having older kids brings. I think i would find another, now, far too restricting.

Are you prepared for that?

Very sensible of you to see it in the cold light of day. I could say hey go for it, you'll cope, but honestly it's extremely difficult and I think you'd be wise to stick with the two you have.

I was 9 when DB born, my sister was 13.

He's autistic.

So we are responsible for his care when our parents die by moral at least. Not our child. Not our choice. Not fair.

Think about that.

I have 4.5 years and it was a shock to go back! But I only had one dc. I don't think I would cope with that age gap and 2 older dc.

I've just had my 3rd dc, he's 7 weeks old and my older two are 13 and 14. I have to say in my experience it's a lot easier and I have a lot more patience this time around. I was only 21 when I had my 1st and looking back I feel I was just a child and took on loads of bad advice from (well meaning) friends and family. This time around I'm using my instincts and having an easier time of things.

Not me but my mum. There's 10 years between me and my brother, and 20 years between me and my sister (and obviously 10 years between my brother and sister).
I'm 24, my brother is 14, will be 15 this year, and my sister is 4, will be 5 this year.
The reasons are her personal circumstances. She was married to my dad and they had me. They split up when I was 8, she was then in a long term relationship and they had a baby. That ended, and she got with the man she's always loved deep down, they got married and had a baby.
I did a lot when my brother was little, and when my sister was born people thought she was mine. I know she found it hard, being older. But she managed. And I liked being older as it meant I could help more.

My mum had my 2 sisters when she was 21/22 then me and my brother when she was 33/35. She said she wouldn't have had us (in the nicest possible way) because the first 2 were from her first marriage and me and bro are from second marriage and second husband insisted she had us. Then he fucked off when were little and she ended up having to bring up a second family alone. She says she spent 30 odd years bringing up kids!

I don't get this need to have kids with a new husband/partner when people have older kids themselves. It's someone's choice of course but why can't people just enjoy the kids they have, especially nowadays when step parents/siblings are so normal and more accepted, rather then needing to have more kids that are biologically their kids "together."

I have a 21 year old and a 2 year old. I'm in awe of them both. They are happy. He knows exactly who she is and is very close to her despite her living in a separate town with her boyfriend now.

If you arw not sure, dont do it. It will be really hard on you and the family.
You shouldn't be asking the internet whether to have a baby.

Just to say I am not 'asking the internet whether to have a baby'. That is our choice.

I am asking about experiences of age gaps and the adjustment. Thank you to those who have shared :)

We both love the 2 children we have and the wish to expand our family has nothing to do with wanting biological children of our own, it is about wanting another child in our family. My husband has made it clear he loves both as if they were his own and showa that in his actions, there ia certainly nothing about biology in our wish to jave another child.

Day to day my boys do not exhaust me, we have a great time, lots of fun etc... trials to but hey they are teens! They are also pretty self-sufficient with a lot of things hence it would be a change to go back to having to meet every need of a baby again. As I said that one night exhausted me, but thats why I was asking aboit adjustment to that kind of thing again.

How old are you?

I am 32 TipTop

There is 12 years between me and my youngest sibling (a 'surprise' from my mother's new relationship), and it wasn't fun. My mother enjoyed the idea of another child but found the reality too exhausting at nearly 40. My youngest sibling also had behaviour issues (I'm convinced about undiagnosed ASD). I've seen similar in other families as well.

Personally I wouldn't have a child with a big age gap - the dynamics are too different between older and younger, there's definitely more of a chance of health issues and it's more difficult the older you are, especially when trying to cater to teens and toddlers. Obviously, this is only from my observations. I also disagree with 'starting again' with a new partner in terms of having children, but again, that's just my view. You may not think it will cause friction or change your husband's relationship with his stepsons, but there is a very real chance it might.

I'd let it rest with how well you think your older children would adapt to this situation.

I had my second at 33 and was brimming over with energy. I feel tired now just thinking about it, but I'm 44.

You're very young, many people are not even close to having their first child at your age! If you want another have another, it works itself out.

And to counter the negativity a little, I'll say that there are 14 years between my oldest and youngest (and 9 years between youngest and next youngest) and its the best thing ever. The older ones adore their younger sibling and they all get on beautifully.

We have similar gaps in my own siblings and we are and always have been very close.

You're only 32! An awful lot of people haven't even had their first by that age.

Don't worry about the age gap - if you want another child with your DH, then have one.

A friend of mine was 18 (and had 2 close younger siblings) when their mother accidentally fell pg at 42 - and they had a new baby in the house. No problem for any of them - they all helped out, had fun with their baby!

I'm one of 4 and my younger brother and sister are 12 and 14 years younger than me respectively. ( different father). I don't remember it being a massive problem other than occasionally being resentful that I was being used as an unpaid babysitter too much at times. However my mum is extremely energetic and dynamic even now in her 70s so I don't know if she felt it was unduly hard. I have to admit I don't have a very close relationship with my younger brother (but none of us do) but I am on holiday this summer with my young sister and older brother. I have to admit I have my DD5 when I was 41 nearly 42 and I don't get all the angst about being older and having babies ( " is 35 too old" etc) you just on with it.

32??? 32! Jesus just get in with it. The kids will cope.