... to think it slightly odd that so many of my school mum friends are hung up about secondary schools already, when their kids are only 5!

[sandyballs]

It seems to be the sole topic of conversation lately - how good/bad the local comp is, how extra tuition will be needed for the local grammar etc etc.

The kids are 5/6 years old! Let them be kids!

I'm sure our parents never had all this school angst!

bundle, just looked on the standard web site and couldn't find it. I found

"Almost 220,000 11- to 16-year-olds missed school at least one day every week through truancy, sickness or holidays in 2005-06.
Children from families poor enough to qualify for free school meals are three times as likely to bunk off than other pupils. Among different ethnic groups white, black Caribbean and traveller children had the highest absence rates, while Asian pupils were below the average. "

So I suppose that has an impact on the schools you choose - you want a school where children in there every day so your own chidlren get consistency and all parents have the same ethic about turning up which is why living in a borough which is 18% hindu with vast numbers of Asian children in private schools can help mine - if the other parents are really into the children doing well that rubs off. So pick your ethnic mix with care.

Why should people be particularly cross about the class thing? You look at someone, you look at their clothes, you look at how they speak and you assess things. It's how the whole of the world works whether you;re in the amazon assessing their tribe or kind of face paint or in London on Oxford St. It's how people are.

Anna, don't agree. Best indicator relationships will break up is if they are greatly in love, rose tinted spectablces and then over time they realise they really were so hugely different and they should have listed to the matchmaking aunts and uncles who really know best - chalk and cheese don't stay together but people particularly with similar world views do - I think that's supposed to be more important that you share the same outlook.

Xenia - it seems to me that here on MN you indulge in attention-seeking, masochistic behaviour to a worrying degree. You deliberately write things which you KNOW will infuriate people. They then attack and denigrate you, giving you the attention, albeit negative, on which you seem to thrive. You are, I believe, intelligent enough to make your arguments without throwing in the ridiculously offensive statements which have become your trademark but you refuse to do so.

So I suggest that we put Xenia on a MN behaviour modification programme by giving her positive feedback for her sensible posts and utterly ignoring her offensive ones.

collision im sure you can find someone with one of our MSN addresses

Xenia - all around me I see couples nicely matched by all those similar upbringing criteria getting divorced twenty years down the line - and all desperately looking for something different next time round. But not the ones from different backgrounds, who had much more of a struggle early on to make things work but have much more solid relationships as a result.

Drat! Am not on MSN, Jampot!

Can I CAT you?

I'm not so sure studies bear that out anna but obviously there are exceptions. I think someone about your own age, own background, similar outlook on life, similar health etc etc tends to work best.

jenkel can you email me please about the little tikes house [email protected]

sorry for the hijack ladies

i saw that oliveoil!

yer a manc and yer accent int' better 'n ours! its a ripoff liverpuddlian accent - diluted.

Why do these threads always go round in circles with the usual suspect making the same old tired points they've made endless times before on similar threads, regardless of the actual question on the OP. Why do people let Xenia wind them up? This is getting old...

Maybe Xenia is actually a poor working smoking impoverished mum, trying to stir up resentment against her perception of feckless wealthy snobby selfish self-centered shallow climbing materialistic semi-professionals? Because if so, she's doing a very good job of it.

I still say that posh folk are achingly dull dull dull .

They have no fashion sense, no sense of humour, no style and if they were at a party you would avoid them like the plaque. That goes for black posh folk as well. That's right Xenia black people can be posh too. In fact you can get posh folk in any culture but they all have one thing in common they are DULL.

Not saying you are posh though.

Like mann from heaven, black Oxbridge people from public schools because the city institutions can then satisfy the clients who want ethnic mixtures but don't require class diversity in their diversity policies.

5 is far too young to worry, I haven't thought about it yet, and won't until year 5! let them be children. My son is at a grammer, works hard, has no bother, and still moans about the 'swots'. My friends children are at the comp. They moan about the same thing, but their grades are very good, work standards aren't much short of the grammar for some top children. We have hassle at the grammar, breaking things, a bit of bullying. It goes on anywhere.

agree with collison, and aloha
i see her like bored granny who likes stir ups on mn. so much time.

It is also extremely important for young children that their parents allow them to BE, just as they are, in the present moment, without putting pressure on them, however subtle, to move beyond all that 'silly playing' and prepare for the cut-throat 'real world'. If parents are anxious about secondary school when the child is only five, they will find it difficult not to push that child into too much organised, purposeful, adult-led activity.

A child at play is a child at peace. A child develops their will, intellect and social skills through play and makes sense of the world through being allowed to explore at their own pace. The education system puts insane anxiety and worry on to the shoulders of parents and it is really important that children do not pay the price for that.

yes collision - you can CAT me

Xenia- you are very funny. But what is your story? My wife's is star student (Oxbridge, law school) and very highly regarded city lawyer. And she is black. I am similar. And I haven't done any hiring based on ethnicity or diversity targets. And we are not alone - I can introduce you if you like.

Actually, can I qualify my post?

The reason we're moving house to an area of good schools is because if we stayed where we are, dd would go to very good local Catholic primary, but then at 11 would go to rather rubbishy local Catholic secondary (rubbish Catholic school shock!!). It's also a train journey away in a dodgy area.

If we wanted her to go to the other (nice, well-rounded, fairly academic but with big art/drama dept) Catholic secondary in our borough, we would have to move to be in their catchment. She would then have to start all over again and make new friends.

I don't want her to have to go through that, I did and it was very lonely and miserable, I don't think my confidence ever truly recovered from it. I'd like her to go up to her 11+ school with her friends from her primary school. To do that, we have to move to an area with the right catchment for primary and senior schools.

So that's why we're thinking of it now...

drosophila - my parents are posh(ish) and they are not dull. They are interested in everything and even in their 70s are always learning and open to new experiences. Have to say that they do have no fashion sense but somehow I find fashion dull dull dull so it's not a problem from my pov. In fact an advantage....

I think dullness comes from the need to conform and that tends to be found in those who aspire to faux-poshness and who care what people think of them.

OrmIrian - you are completely right. Hyper-conventialism is born of insecurity and a feeling that you don't quite belong to the social class to which you aspire.

Orm I am just winding Xenia up. I know some very raucous posh people although I suspect Xenia isn't that raucous and I do think Carol Thatcher is hilaroous although I didn't see her programme last night.

Ohhh... I see. Xenia-baiting . Does that ever work?

I suspect I will come out of it the worse for wear.

Sorry i try realy hard to not post on threads that xenia is posting on, as yet again she has taken over a perfectly reasonable question with her stupid baised thinking of "real Life".

To answer the op question 5/6 is to young to be thinking about what school they are going to at 11, from my own experience i went to the same school as my brother. When he started there (2yrs older then me) the headmaster knew every pupil by first name who they where related to. The year i arrived also coincided with the new headmaster, but then end of the year he had lost all respect from teachers and students.

I think you have to look at the school performance nearer the time, as school can go from being very good school, to not very good in a few years.