Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to think it slightly odd that so many of my school mum friends are hung up about secondary schools already, when their kids are only 5!

702 replies

sandyballs · 28/03/2007 15:18

It seems to be the sole topic of conversation lately - how good/bad the local comp is, how extra tuition will be needed for the local grammar etc etc.

The kids are 5/6 years old! Let them be kids!

I'm sure our parents never had all this school angst!

OP posts:
TellusMater · 25/09/2007 18:35

And this is where I always get to with DH...

mum2sons · 25/09/2007 19:10

Someone said:
"Then take the very clever person who went to an obscure university where he/she was taught by some very clever academics but didn't meet the future movers and shakers of the world. Don't you think that person might have a harder time making his/her future business work? Their brain power might be massive, but their political/social power negligible".

Absolute bollocks! Take my DH for example, state school educated, v bright but parents poor, dropped out of Uni as non conformist. Now MD of large well known company started by himself from scratch.

Both of us have socialist values and neither of us will send our DCs to private school despite them being bright and us being financially able to afford it.Education is not all about academia and exam results. IMO motivation to succeed does not come from having wealthy parents sending you to a school filled with children of other wealthy parents.

amidaiwish · 25/09/2007 19:14

Back to Xenia if i may,
Can you tell us which careers you think are good from your perspective of success?
I've only heard you mention City banking or law - any others?

HR professionals can be very successful and wealthy in consultancy (like Accenture, PA etc.)
IT professionals can rise to the board/CTO in large multinationals (Yahoo, Microsoft etc..)
Media/marketing professionals are on the board of many types of company: blue chip fmcg, advertising, media buying etc etc.

I just think your view of careers is very narrow. For many people banking = working behind the counter at Barclays, law = the guy who fills in the paperwork when you buy a house. These views are narrow due to their experience of these industries but so are yours of non banking/legal industries imo.

Judy1234 · 25/09/2007 20:44

I do think decisions you make as to whom you marry, how and where you live, what you feed the child, how you love it and which school you send it to have a huge impact on whether it will be successful in some of the terms we have discussed on this thread.

No I don't have set careers which are the rights ones for everyone but our society here in the UK does.

IT, yes if they own the business supplying it, Bill Gates etc - that's fun. If they are just the IT man or even the IT director they usually don't really get much capital etc so it's not quite so good. They don't own a stake in the business etc. They are a hired hand, aren't they in a certain pecking order. So I think many girls can get huge satisfaction in owning and running their own business or being a senior partner at XYZ or whatever they do and being in charge of your own destiny but with lots of cash too is surely nicer place to be than a 9 - 5 er. So make it so.

amidaiwish · 26/09/2007 10:55

"If they are just the IT man or even the IT director"... agree, but you are talking here about a support role, IT services.. the same way you were talking about HR.

but IT, HR etc. can be "the actual business", like in consultancy, software development and so on. That's my point. A director in Yahoo, Google, Microsoft or any of the other tens of IT companies out there will have capital in the business, stock, be on the board. These jobs are not just support roles.

KerryMum · 26/09/2007 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CountessDracula · 26/09/2007 11:30

Quite

In-house lawyers are just back office too and get paid/treated accordingly

Caroline1852 · 26/09/2007 11:40

Conveyancing solicitors are not exactly revered are they?

bossykate · 26/09/2007 11:40

haha i'm in IT and am self-employed - just like you, xenia, hired in for my particular expertise.

sykes · 26/09/2007 11:47

My uncle went to Manchester Grammar and played lacrosse. He also represented the UK at lacrosse in the Olympics aeons and aeons ago. They still play lacrosse at Manchester Grammar. Why do you think it's just a game for girls?

Caroline1852 · 26/09/2007 12:02

Sykes - you are being a pedant. I would imagine very few schoolboys now play lacrosse (I do wonder who Manchester Grammar play against - local girls' schools maybe?). A local mixed school play lacrosse, but only the girls. Why? Because it is a game for girls.

nospeak · 26/09/2007 18:00

Xenia, if you were not so anti SAHM's, I would think that you were Peter Hitchens in disguise. He comes out with some classics too.

Lol @ the Hyacinth Bucket comment. I knew you reminded me of someone...

Caroline1852 · 27/09/2007 10:27

nospeak - loving xenia as a cross dressing Peter Hitchens

Judy1234 · 27/09/2007 21:02

That is what I said about IT. For most people it's more fun to own the business and have that higher status than just being the support function which is why the equity partners at Ernst & Young have a bit more status and income etc than those who serve the needs of those who work there. Anyway we all know which jobs pay well are interesting and have high status but if one of my children wanted to be a priest or meditate for a living or whatever, that's entirely up to them.

However don't be blind in thinking children are young I can feed them what I like, neglect them and couldn't care less about their school. If you want them to have the chance to do certain careers then all the schools count and might as well give them chances even if they reject them. I want mine to have opportunities and a breadth of experience and hobbies so they have a vast range of work and personal activities to choose from. If they reject that that's fine too but my role is encourage and support and make the opportunities available.

3andnomore · 27/09/2007 21:12

Xenia..i DO THINK OST MUMSNETTERS DO KOW THE IMPORTANCE OF NOURISHING AND SO ON...
sorry...capslog there....
but onestly, if anyhting I do get frustrated at mumsnetters not being aware just how bad diet, and bringing up etc can eb...fgs, we have now had several Kids around, and I am not the tidiest person and well house is often noisy with the Kids, and the Kids telling me how much they enjoy it here because it's so clean and tidy and quiet...that at home they have a constant migraine...now I know my chaotic home...and I can but wonder...

fortyplus · 27/09/2007 23:32

By sykes on Wed 26-Sep-07 11:47:48
My uncle went to Manchester Grammar and played lacrosse. He also represented the UK at lacrosse in the Olympics aeons and aeons ago. They still play lacrosse at Manchester Grammar. Why do you think it's just a game for girls?

Hey - my sons' Rugby Club has just adopted lacrosse and renamed itself '...Rugby & Lacrosse Club.'

I played lacrosse at school but my 2 think it's a nasty rough game and would much rather play rugby!

Judy1234 · 28/09/2007 09:49

My daughter played some lacrosse against boys on a US tour too but it is mostly played by girls here. She's in the first lacrosse team at university and it's they and the rugby boys who apparently sometimes get paid just to attend some parties. Although the money goes on new lacross kit, not drink.. so in a sense by encouragin her lacrosse I have sort of gained her that popularity, however objectionable some might find it. They don't play lacrosse at most state schools.

3andnomore · 28/09/2007 15:34

gosh, my spelling at it's worst there....ooops

Lilymaid · 28/09/2007 15:38

Lots of school boys play Lacrosse particularly in the Cheshire/Manchester area. It is also played by male students at a number of British universities. DS1 learnt to play at his primary school in Cheshire 10 years ago. It is a game for tough men.

Caroline1852 · 28/09/2007 16:24

www.cusu.cam.ac.uk/societies/directory/menslacrosse/

KatiePooh · 28/09/2007 17:24

Xenia ... you seem to be so far up your own arse (or should I say derrier) you must be keeping Andrex in business
The fact that you've had a pushy parent and a silver spoon for backing, does not make for a better person. As reading that your divorced and then to read about "decisions as to whom you marry" is obviously a quote unthought about when written - you had obviously chosen well for your marriage.
I attended a very run of the mill secondary school, along with my DH. Our DD is the most loved and cherished child I know and I ensure that she eats the healthiest of diets, prepared from scratch, as I am fortunate to be able to spare the time to do this. I would not, however, judge anyone that has different lifestyle choices for their child, as afterall, we are all parents working towards the same goal - childs happiness. We have chosen the area we live in due to the local schools reputation, so I have no worries that she will turn out a well rounded individual. The values I instill in her to take with her to school and into later years, will hopefully stand her in good stead to know right from wrong behaviour. I REFUSE to be a pushy parent, as this I have seen, makes for very dull, depressed children, who live only to please their unpleasable parents, who themselves work too long and hard to notice their childs progress, apart from the report card their handed and only really want their child to 'keep up with the Jones' ', so as to sound superior at all dinner parties.
You really must mix with us worthless creatures - you may well just pick up another life skill to pass onto your children ... SENSE OF HUMOUR.

Judy1234 · 28/09/2007 19:56

What do you mean by pushy? You are pushing good food into her and loving her. That's very good. So would it be if you were exposing her to lots of possible outside interests and picking a good school. I don't see the difference. Women who have good jobs and can afford school fees are doing not different from what you do. It's a rare parent that doesn't want what is best for their child.

fortyplus · 28/09/2007 20:54

Lacrosse is played at some state primary schools where I live. It isn't played in state secondaries, but there are clubs in the northern home counties for boys aged 12+.

mummyloveslucy · 12/10/2007 17:55

My Daughter is at a private school age 2-19. She is in the juniours at the moment. I would like her to go to the grammer school at 11 but don't believe in pushing her for the 11+ if she will struggle when she gets there. The reason I'd like her to go is that our local community colleges have a bad reputation.(I know that sounds bad!) but I went to one and was bullied every day. I am not at all obsesed with accademic ability, but do want her to be a happy, confident and decent minded young lady who feels free to be herself. If she achieves this then I couldn't be prouder and the world will be her oyster

LoveAngel · 12/10/2007 17:58

I sympathise with all parents' school dilemmas, tbh. My son is only 2 and we are already talking about primary and secondary schools.