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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to think that she should pay for a new switch and get her bloody kid one too?

227 replies

nikiforov · 06/08/2017 03:06

Quick backstory: I live with some friends who are parents, nowhere to fit a TV in my room (I got the downstairs smaller one because I'm not a parent and we rent the house together, I'm not a tagalong or anything). I knew living with a kid would be odd and I'm childfree but we agreed at the start that I wasn't a free babysitter, I'm a student and I need my own space, et cetera - usually I leave my door unlocked because we all trust each other and the router is in my bedroom due to it being the only place with router access, so it's awkward if I'm at uni and the internet goes down.

I also have a nintendo switch in my bedroom, which is mine and mine only. Her kid is 6 now, so he's old enough to play it and she's been bringing up the subject more and more hinting that I'm being selfish by not letting him play it and she can't afford one, I can afford more because I'm a student and she cooks meals for us (she doesn't cook meals for me, I buy my own food and make meals myself because I'm a vegan and they're meat eaters so that's a lie) and anyway, push came to shove and she let the kid use the switch without my permission today. The screen is scratched to hell.

WIBU to demand she buys me a new one after damaging my property? Or am I being a stingy childfree bitch? I don't want to take it to some shady place to get a new screen fitted, which would void my warranty completely, but this would also be classed under not damaged enough for a replacement/fix or sort of 'it's your own fault' damage. Moving out isn't really an option until the lease runs out and I honestly didn't have much choice. It was this or halls, and halls is infinitely more expensive and I wouldn't have had my own private bathroom.

OP posts:

InfiniteCurve · 06/08/2017 08:09

I'd probably refer to him as a " bloody kid" in those circumstances! It wouldn't be indicative of my attitude to children in general or affect my attitude to him long term,or (I hope) how I related to him in person. But talking to friends -yep,I'd be cross.

iwishiwasrichandthin · 06/08/2017 08:12

My ds (9) has a switch and iPad. My dd at 3 years old knows not to go into his room and touch his stuff without permission first. She wouldn't think anything of it though, if I handed her it to play with.

They have over stepped the mark, either way. If he'd taken it without her help she should have taken it back off him and explained why to him and apologised/offered to repair to you. Sadly it sounds as though she's just handed it to him without really understanding how it works or without permission

Lock your door op if the net goes down it goes down.

ArcheryAnnie · 06/08/2017 08:21

YANBU to think she should pay for a new switch, but it depends what you want your home life to be like if you actually do this.

I think in your place I'd just lock my door, and if she challenges it, just explain that you completely understand that she can't keep her eye on her son 100% of the time, and of course a 6-year-old will want to look at the games, but you do need to make sure he can't get to any more of your electronics as you can't afford to replace them.

Yes, it's pass-agg as hell, but it saves face for everyone and gives her an opportunity to apologise and pay for a replacement screen if she wants to, and it gives you a valid reason for keeping your door locked while also keeping the peace, sort of.

LegallyBronde · 06/08/2017 08:21

You can get diallers which will re-set the router remotely OP, they aren't very expensive at all. I would lock your room from now on, utterly disrespectful behaviour. My SIL once threw a strop that I wouldn't let her DCs destroy and "be creative" with my sons lego Star Wars sets apparantly I was "cruel". Facts of life love, you don't touch things which don't belong to you without permission and her DS needs to learn this lesson fast.

And to the person calling the OP immature for playing games? I have a management posistion, a mortgage, various other posistions of responsibility and I am an avid gamer? Does that make me immature? Does it negate my love of radio 4, classical music and my national trust membership? Or are all gamers reprobates 😂

Justgivemesomepeace · 06/08/2017 08:21

The AIBU was whether the unit should be replaced as her property had been damaged. It should made good to the way it was before the child got hold of it. If the screen can be replaced by a nominated repair centre without invalidating the warranty, then that's what should happen, if not then it should be replaced. Some other arrangement needs to be made regarding the router. NO ONE should be going in and out of your room. Whether you lock your door then is up to you.
Your bathroom/eating habits and choice of hobby are irrelevant and ridiculous you are having to explain/justify all that.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 06/08/2017 08:31

You access the router remotely to restart it

Type the ip address of the router nto your browser, it's usually 192.168.15.1

You'll need the username and password.

Yes, there may be times when a hard reset is needed, but hopefully that won't happen too often

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 06/08/2017 08:36

If she snarks about a lock on door say "well as my switch was on a high shelf, id hate it if your bloody kid little X decided to climb up again (meaningful look) he couldn't fall and hurt himself.
If my kid did that id find some way of replacing.

LaContessaDiPlump · 06/08/2017 08:39

I wouldn't be happy having a housemate who thought of my child as 'her kid'.

I am fairly sure my friends think of my DC as 'Contessa's kids'. Why on earth wouldn't they? I hardly think of their DC as 'Dear Precious Jonny', for instance

JaneEyre70 · 06/08/2017 08:49

I think that it is appalling that she just let her child use it. I would show her the damage and say you expect it to be replaced or repaired, and it is a huge breach of trust that has really upset you. And I would lock your door from now on.

amy85 · 06/08/2017 08:55

What's wrong with calling him "her kid"?!?! That's what he is, he is her kid! Some people on her are about crazy and seem to find issue with everything

Toysaurus · 06/08/2017 08:56

Bollocks to a screen repair. I'd want a new unit too. I look after my belongings and that would totally spoil it for me to come home and find that happen. It could have been dropped damaging the inside too.

The words the mum needs are no, stop and don't. I find so few parents willing to use them though.

Fireandflames666 · 06/08/2017 09:04

I'd have gone absolute ape if someone let their child touch my things without permission. Especially an expensive gaming console (i have a switch also). She should fork out for a mew switch as she let her child use it after being told no.

roundaboutthetown · 06/08/2017 09:05

I know plenty of parents willing to use those words, Toysaurus, so it must be the company you keep.

Bunnyfuller · 06/08/2017 09:06

I think mum has been letting him use it regularly when you're not there.

Whether you do or don't confront, things are going to get worse I'm afraid. She's shown she puts her son above your wishes, and will now be resentful you cut his access to your device, regardless if you ask for reparation or not. And I suspect she isn't going to react well to asking for this - she will most likely get annoyed and say 'it's only the bloody screen ffs!'

It's totally out of order, I would be looking for somewhere else asap (would never live with a friend in this situation - it was a car crash waiting to happen).

Toysaurus · 06/08/2017 09:09

Nothing to do with the company I keep, just the fucking god awful parenting inflicted upon us every time I set foot in a tourist attraction, supermarket,shop or park. The throwing things in the pharmacy post proved how many people thought that behaviour was excusable.

TheVanguardSix · 06/08/2017 09:13

OP my friend swears by the FODMAP diet plan. Very similar to you with her gut issues, this plan has been life changing for her!

And as a mum of 3, that mother is SO out of order.

She has shown no respect for your property and your boundaries. How would she like it if you just started using her make-up or wearing her best necklace without asking?

TheVanguardSix · 06/08/2017 09:14

I'd totally move, by the way.

simon50 · 06/08/2017 09:31

nikiforov. I know you have had your IBS checked out, but are you sure its not diverticulitis? For a long while I was told I had IBS, symptoms are very similar, but the discomfort is localised to the left hand side of the groin. Is it possible to cut out insoluble fibre (anything with nuts,seeds and pips) avoid spicy and fried food for a month, to see if things improve? I still suffer with a number of urgent bowel movements first thing in the morning, but after that it settles down for the rest of the day.
Hope this is of some help to you?

MumIsRunningAMarathon · 06/08/2017 09:33

What has Dad said about this op?

I'd be speaking with him.......

simon50 · 06/08/2017 09:37

Also avoid things such as ibuprofen and aspirin as they can be a trigger.

Cagliostro · 06/08/2017 09:44

YANBU

gamerwidow · 06/08/2017 09:51

Id be fuming at this it could could have been a crappy old DS and they still would have been out of older to let their child use it when you had said no. It's a breach of trust you don't just help yourself to others property. My DD is 7 she knows that she leaves other people's stuff alone.

RandomMess · 06/08/2017 09:59

I would be saying that it's clear someone else has used and damaged it and they need to replace it but obviously they can then have current one. Obviously keep your door locked from now on!

Don't ask if he used it just phrase it that you know it's happened, how it's sticky and it's like someone got frustrated at how the stylo doesn't work on the screen.

YellowLawn · 06/08/2017 10:08

how long do you have left on the lease?

have you considered small claims court?
read up on the procedure to follow and then decide if you want to pursue the parent for your device.

LIZS · 06/08/2017 10:14

Are you jointly renting the property or are you a lodger? It is easier to leave if you are the latter. You could ask her to replace the screen or contribute to a replacement Switch ( probably not a brand new one though) but be prepared for ill feeling. Whether she allowed him to use it or he took it, ultimately it is her responsibility to prevent him touching your things. Agree lock the door, if bb goes down and she can't access the router , tough.

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