To think baby groups aren't really necessary

[ProseccoMamam]

Never been to one myself, doubt I ever will. Plus lots and lots of other mums on here & in real life have said they didn't feel welcome/wasn't really worth it. Just your opinions really? Have you been, how did you find them? Good/bad experiences.

Just to make a point I'm not here to cause an argument, I'm sure many mums enjoy taking their children to groups, good on you

Literally a lifesaver for me. Not sure what I would have done without that support. Always grateful to my midwife for dragging me along.

I went to a group after I had my first baby. It was brilliant. I was the first among my friends to have a baby, so that was automatically somewhat isolating, plus I had just moved to a very rural area, so away from many (not all) of my friends and all of my family. I got along like a house on fire with the women in my group, and 7 years on, we're all still friends and catch up regularly.

Didn't do it with subsequent DCs because I didn't feel I "needed" to, as I had my friends from DC1's group and some of my other friends had had babies in the time between DC1 and DC2.

You sound like a 'journalist' OP.

My NHS run baby group with DS1 was a life saver. We live in a village with no family near. It has given me a huge support network that I still use now. I went back with DS2 and the women there were not welcoming and thankfully I did make a couple of friends and we splintered off. When they're good they help enormously.

It's ridiculous that people on this thread who have never been to a group don't go, because they don't want to sit round and talk about babies all the time/compare milestones/are more than a mum blah blah

Don't go if you don't want to. But if you have never been, you have no idea what is talked about.

They are not necessary for babies, babies get all the socialisation they need from their main carer. They are very necessary for a lot of parents though, i don't know how I'd have coped without them.

My health visitor told me while I was pregnant and all since baby was born that I should take him otherwise it would halt his development?

What, she actually said 'go to baby groups or you will halt your baby's development'?

Those words? Really!?

I wish people wouldnt fucking lie about HCP.

I've never taken DD to one, she is almost 11 months old now. The main reason is that I am young, and look about 15 I get dirty looks when I'm out with DD and my friend who is also a young mum found when she attended the other mums wouldn't talk to her or let their babies interact with hers. I suffered a lot of MH issues because of a lifetime of being bullied and excluded so I thought it best for my mental health to avoid these groups as I felt so lucky that I didn't get PND which I was at high risk for.

I think when the babies are young it is more for the mum to have social time than actually enriching the babies life. I do feel guilty sometimes that DD is missing out, but my DM runs a preschool so has a lot of knowledge of child development and the early years so she has helped me provide DD with sensory activities at home. I make sure I keep her entertained when she is up, she already loves reading books with me or alone (obviously she can't read, but she will sit turning the pages babbling to herself) she loves having a sing and a dance around with me and we can definitely be more silly and fun on our own than in a group.

Silkpyjamas, your post made me so cross!

They wouldn't talk to your friend or let their babies interact with hers because she was young?

I worry for the social development of their children!

Your HCP should be able to give you details of groups for young mums in your area. Horrid that your friend has been excluded

talk about normal stuff rather than baby poo and co sleepingI'm not just a mum!

Are you really? Gosh all of the women at the groups are just mums, content to talk about baby poo and nothing much else......nothing of note. Oh no, they're actually just normal people too. Probably not so very different from you. Fgs, the women at baby groups are just women you know, not some other species!

It does get irritating when people sneer at other people for talking about babies. I am well educated and have opinions and a career but you start with small talk and move on to other topics. It's not like people's jobs are that thrilling to other people either really, unless you're a secret agent or something and on maternity leave you probably have more hours to spend catching up on current affairs etc if you want to.

They were a viscous nest of vipers for me that bit me bad and it took ages to regain my self confidence.

I took DS to a toddler group, put it off as long as possible but wanted him to get used to being around other children before he started nursery. It was purely for him as I find socialising exhausting, though it did help tire him out so he'd have a nap at a reasonable time!

That's a good idea Essential Hummus . I had PND with DC2 and if I thought meeting other parents PRIOR to birth would have helped I would have gone . Hopefully you will be fine

I used to take my eldest DCs to two , One on a Monday and one on a Tuesday every week (sometimes attend a Friday one but not all the time) and found them great at the time . Not for everyone though I admit.

DS enjoyed all the activities available at various playgroups, but I don't think the socialising benefited him much. In fact the stress of screaming kids and having toys snatched and being hit by grumpy toddlers was probably worse for him than just going to the park with me. I didn't realise that at the time of course. I made sure he knew several kids who would be in his kindergarten class but it doesn't seem to have any benefit for him right now. He's not vaguely interested in those kids.

On the other hand, I met truly lovely and amazingly supportive women who I'm likely to know for a long time. Our kids will all be going to school together for many years to come and I feel much better having a network of parents who could help DS in an emergency with pick ups etc, and if these kids do become good friends eventually, I'll feel confident letting him sleep over, attend parties etc. So I think going to these things will have a sort of knock-on benefit for DS in years to come.

Who knows, maybe those few familiar faces did slightly ease the transition to kindergarten? I don't suppose any of us will ever know given our anecdotes involving just a few kids here and there, so I'd be inclined to trust people who have spent many hours studying this and assume it's useful.

DS1 went to one til he was 5 months then I went back to work full time so we couldn't attend. DS2 went to one til he went to school; I worked 4 days a week til he started school and on our day together we'd always attend baby group. He adored it and the friends we both made there have been such a lovely addition to his childhood.