Get these people out of my house!!

[NoPressureNoDiamonds]

We moved in yesterday. Had a 1st bday party for my dd today (I know, we're crazy). Still it was all fine. Party invite said 1pm, we served food (BBQ) about half 1-2 and then did cake at 3 and people started to peel off.
PIL still here because their friend (my DH's "auntie") JUST SHOWED UP at 5.45!!!
She rang my MIL at 5ish - in the background we said no she can't come now, it's late, we're tired and about to our dd to bed (I'm feeding her now as part of bedtime, hence I'm typing). They showed up anyway! They brought wine with them and are sat drinking it!
AIBU to be pissed off? How do I make them leave? I have already told them a couple of times we're very tired so it'll have to be a flying visit. They don't seem to get it?
I just want a bath and my pjs 😔😫

Well the general consensus (apart from one or two!) is that YANBU either in your feelings about the latecomers or how you handled it all. I don't think you were rude at all. They wouldn't take being told don't come, wouldn't go when asked nicely, so what else could you do?!

Love your MIL, she's probably happy someone has finally put her friend in her place!

Well done, OP.

I've got a good friend I see regularly and the last two times at her house she's had to excuse herself (IOW I've had to leave) and I've got NO problem with that at all. The difference is, I can see how much she's got on and can take a hint. I certainly wouldn't talk her down because of it. Why would anyone do that to someone they care about? Perhaps that's the real difference here?

Bottom line: People who care about and respect each other can assert healthy boundaries with each other without it being a problem.

@diamonds no problem. Leave the key by the front door, you won't know I'm there 😂

I have a horror of overstaying my welcome because I'm not very good at reading social cues. I'd have no problem with being given a polite but firm steer that it is time to go.

That's a really useful perspective Spartacus - thank you

OP I think you handled that really well. Firmly (shown you're not a mug) but very politely. Nothing wrong with how you said it.

I think there are a lot of people on this thread playing out fantasy scenarios of what we'd all love to be able to do (but that remain in our heads) but that in real life they'd be (rightly) too polite to.

i'd be SO much ruder with my own family.

They'd get a terse "Right, come on you lot, Piss off, I want a bath. Time to go!"

I always assumed people exaggerated in this kind of scenario and maybe were a little rude, until I got married.
Once DH was literally painting the living room wall around some of his family who were sprawled out on the sofa, grown men and women. I had taken the dc to bed and hints hadn't worked, he said he had decorating to do and they just laid there watching telly while he cracked on it was surreal, and about 9pm so not unreasonable to want them to leave.
Some people really don't have boundaries.
Glad you got your relaxing evening op x

Well done OP!
I remember coming out of hospital after my first DC was born following a C-Sec. DHs aunt & uncle did the same! They called up, said they were in town & would love to pop over. DH said we were exhausted & best to leave it but they came anyway! I had to make him promise to tell them to leave after 1/2 hour. Totally fucking oblivious some people 🙄

My bad, didn't read properly.

Oh I'm in awe OP! Well done you! Can't believe your PIL, they should have led the way by saying "Right, it's about time we let you get some rest ." then the others would have followed.

This seems like a very English dilemma. If this was my home the party would be just getting started, and randoms showing up with wine would be welcomed in.

But if that's not the way you do things you just have to politely usher them out.

I always think I'd rather go earlier, then , if the hosts are keen for you to stay they can say so. I do this all the time. If guests say right we'd better be off, I often say "Oh you don't need to go yet, have another drink." then they know they are not outstaying their welcome. Conversely if I've had enough I can let them go. It's when they don't try to leave as you've discovered OP.

It's not that abigcup , Op had just moved house the day before so slightly different.

After they left DH said he thought id been a bit rude but at least it did the trick. He asked if I would have been so blunt if it hadve been my family.

I hope you reminded him that given it wasn't your family, it was actually his job to do it in whatever more polite way he saw fit.

Well done for getting them to leave OP.

Next time put the start and end times on the invitations. Tell them it's 1pm to 5pm and then if they're making moves to go and you actually want them to stay you can invite them to stay for longer, or you can let them leave if you're tired.

They arrive five hours late. That's rude in itself, but then they were told not to come as the party was over, turned up anyway, and ignored all hints to leave.

You chucking them out was the least rude thing about all of that.

Thanks all for the back up - I'm very glad I did it. Mostly because I'm not as exhausted today as I went to bed so early!
Abigcup - as PP have rightly said, there's a time and a type of person I would have the same reaction as you. The day after I moved house and spent the day hosting a BBQ for 40 people and looking after a 1 year old is not it. And to be honest the CF in question isn't really someone I want to party with anyway. Every other sentence is an inuendo. She's boring.
A small update to those interested or thinking I'd be in the doghouse with the ILs - MIL called me today. She said well done for hosting a lovely party and we did so well. She was obviously checking if I was annoyed at them (which I'm not - they obviously feel uncomfortable standing up to CF for some reason). Also CF herself put a lovely (bum licky) comment on a FB update I posted last night.
I don't care if any of them think me rude but it looks as though they don't in any case.

What does PIL stand for?x

A thread in which a person quite rightly stands up for herself AND there's a good outcome.
Marvellous. Bloody wish there'd been Mumsnet to consult 30 years ago when I was dealing with oppressive controlling in-laws. They became ex-in-laws, and they're now rather dead in-laws, so I'll never know how it would have gone. But I can live vicariously through you, Diamonds! How's the cake going today? You did good. Pour yourself a nice big , something I'm about to do. Well done!

Parents InLaw

Wow, is that the time. Such a busy day with moving yesterday and all. I'll get your coats or if no coats stand up and walk to sitting room or wherever door stating been great to see you pity you didn't manage earlier.

Onalong - thank you. DH has had 1 slice and I have had 3 😳
Well someone's got to eat it 😂
Xx

Mani - yeah, I tried plenty of that. Even more direct than that too. In the end told them to leave in no uncertain terms and they did! X