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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Get these people out of my house!!

116 replies

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 05/08/2017 18:05

We moved in yesterday. Had a 1st bday party for my dd today (I know, we're crazy). Still it was all fine. Party invite said 1pm, we served food (BBQ) about half 1-2 and then did cake at 3 and people started to peel off.
PIL still here because their friend (my DH's "auntie") JUST SHOWED UP at 5.45!!!
She rang my MIL at 5ish - in the background we said no she can't come now, it's late, we're tired and about to our dd to bed (I'm feeding her now as part of bedtime, hence I'm typing). They showed up anyway! They brought wine with them and are sat drinking it!
AIBU to be pissed off? How do I make them leave? I have already told them a couple of times we're very tired so it'll have to be a flying visit. They don't seem to get it?
I just want a bath and my pjs 😔😫

OP posts:
DistanceCall · 05/08/2017 19:19

What way will the relatives describe it do you think?

Well, you turn up 4.5 hours late. You know that your relatives will be dead tired after a move and the children will need to have dinner and go to bed, yet you still come over. Your hostess tactfully says that she needs to take a shower and change into her pjs, yet you still stay. Then, and only then, does the hostess say, half-jokingly, that she would like you to get out of your kitchen so she can relax.

And it's THE OP who is being rude? Seriously?

RebornSlippy · 05/08/2017 19:20

Yeah, PollyFlint I can read just as well as you. Thanks for the summary though.

I agree these people were rude. The point I'm making, however, is that to ask someone to leave your house is, where I am from, incredibly rude and will make you the fodder of gossip for a loooong time to come. Sounds like the OP's relationship with her inlaws isn't the best as it is, so this will be the icing on the cake.

OP, however, doesn't care, so that's that. OP's husband is embarrased, but glad to see the back of them so he's happy out. Of course, he's not the one who actually asked them to leave so it's win-win for him...

Not sure why you had to put a little passive agressive dig in at the end there? You seem quite sensitive about my take on this. Have you asked people to leave your house before? It really sounds like you have.

RebornSlippy · 05/08/2017 19:21

Sigh, again, I'm not disputing that the visitors were rude. We've all got that part. I'm telling you that I feel and I would bet my house on the fact that the guests feel that she was rude. Seriously.

Original poster
NoPressureNoDiamonds · 05/08/2017 19:24

Polly - thanks, exactly. Reborn - THEY are rude. Not just for being late but for putting me in the position that I had to ask them to leave which was very uncomfortable. I tried to do it more subtlety to no avail. And yes, I do not give a single fuck if they are bitching about me. I am bitching about them and will continue to do so.
If you are honestly saying that after moving house 1 day and having a BBQ for 40 people the next, if you were in the same position you would put up with having people in your house when you just want to chill because you're too terrified of them thinking you rude to say anything then I genuinely feel sorry for you as you must get properly walked over.

OP posts:
BabsGanoush · 05/08/2017 19:25

Right everyone...round to Diamonds!

Only joking Wink

Katsite · 05/08/2017 19:26

Maybe they were waiting for you to offer to take cake home Grin

RebornSlippy · 05/08/2017 19:28

And I genuinely don't give a flying fuck how you feel about me! I assure you, however, I am never walked over. And it ain't gonna start here with you.

You post on AIBU, you get opinions. Kind of the point, wouldn't you say? Unfortunately, not everyone here will pat you on the back and agree with you. Just so happens, I don't.

Now, you're obviously tired and emotional. Sit down, eat cake and feel satisfied with how well you stood up for yourself.

I'll leave you to the love-in.

Pengggwn · 05/08/2017 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NoPressureNoDiamonds · 05/08/2017 19:29

Thanks distance.

For the record - they did take cake home! There is still a tonne left. But show up here and you will be the victims of my rudeness!!! LOL

XX

OP posts:
Original poster
NoPressureNoDiamonds · 05/08/2017 19:31

Reborn - you're right, I posted on AIBU. I hate when people do that and then argue when someone says "yes, you are" and I kind of just did it myself! So yeah, fair enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoPressureNoDiamonds · 05/08/2017 19:32

Peng - my point exactly.

OP posts:
SuperPug · 05/08/2017 19:33

Can't believe the cheek of so called family friend. She was rude to turn up late, you moved in yesterday (!) and most people would be aware that it wasn't really the time to stick around.
Think your DH should have backed you up a bit TBH.

Bobbiepin · 05/08/2017 19:34

Diamonds if I show up only to take some cake is that ok? All this talk of cake...

HardPiper · 05/08/2017 19:37

bobbie you'll have to have it squashed through the letterbox Grin

Maelstrop · 05/08/2017 19:43

Turning up so late was obscene and you mil is a cow for telling her it was fine. You moved yesterday, ffs! Whether or not they're bitching, you've put down your foot so they know not to take the piss next time, good!

GreenTulips · 05/08/2017 19:44

Oh and don't imagine your platitudes on the way out the door will negate the bitching they're doing about you right about now!

Suggest you get new friends or go NC with family - you have serious issues there

JennyHolzersGhost · 05/08/2017 19:47

"you're obviously tired and emotional" - says the person desperately trying to start a fight ! Lol. Odfod.

OP - you handled it magnificently. Enjoy your beautiful quiet house Grin

Original poster
NoPressureNoDiamonds · 05/08/2017 19:49

Bobbie pin - come in. Take the cake. Leave. Do not speak to me. 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
NoPressureNoDiamonds · 05/08/2017 19:52

For the record MIL didn't tell her it was fine - she told her me and DH were tired and they needed to leave so not to come. She could have been more assertive but it wasn't really her place. She was actually pretty sweet on the way out and whispered "it's nearly over love."
I thought she would think I was a hard faced cow but in the event I think she totally understood. It's her friend I have the issue with.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoPressureNoDiamonds · 05/08/2017 19:52

Thanks Jenny X

OP posts:
Trb17 · 05/08/2017 19:54

NoPressure I've stood on doorstep before when in laws have turned up unannounced. Door never opened more than halfway with me stood in it. Thou shalt not pass! So I don't think you were rude at all. Some people don't take social cues well and impose themselves on others. I think you told them nicely enough and I'd have done the same.

ScrambledSmegs · 05/08/2017 19:54

Jeepers they were rude. You were pretty restrained I think.

My dad once was so frustrated with some guests who had outstayed their welcome by hours that he changed into his pyjamas and then walked back into the room where they all still trying to prolong the evening, saying 'Right, off you go then'. My mum was Blush but they did leave and it doesn't seem to have affected their friendship in the slightest.

emwithme · 05/08/2017 19:59

Q: "Would you have been this rude if it was your family?"

A: "Fuck no. I would've been FAR ruder."

DistanceCall · 05/08/2017 20:01

The point I'm making, however, is that to ask someone to leave your house is, where I am from, incredibly rude and will make you the fodder of gossip for a loooong time to come.

So if someone is being incredibly rude to you and taking advantage of your hospitality in your own home you're just supposed to put up and shut up?

The OP WAS NOT rude. She was quite tactful, as I see it.

another20 · 05/08/2017 20:02

You did great - especially being ready with a v direct assertive come back when they didnt respond to your first comment (She said "oh don't mind us, get in your pjs anyway - I would!") - I think I would have been floored then.....highlights how v rude these people are - and how v assertive you need to be (ie ready with a follow up line - or ready to keep repeating the same thing)

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