Not to post these juicy threads

[Neoflex]

So in my head I have around 3 threads a week which I consider posting. Then I go through the imaginary responses in my head and realise I will either get roasted, need to post a novel full of revealing details or get accused of drip feeding, and will most likely end up on the daily lies. Usually by this time I have figured out a solution that I think most mumsnetters would be proud of (naturally having ruffled a few feathers). Here are my juicy imaginary threads from this week.

Not a wedding singer: how do I tell bff I won't be doing a solo in the church as she walks down the aisle

Friend is cheating on her dh after he put her through art college: should I tell her she's a selfish witch?

Dh is an environment lover who sneakily fills up our cleaning products with eco-friendly versions even though I have told him I will only accept Cillit Bang. Who is bu?

What is your unposted juice from this week?

I cleaned and tidied my fridge and was so proud of the end results that I considered for half a second making a thread about it with pictures.

That would have been a terrible idea.

When's the wedding? Did your friend discuss this with you or did she just assume?

What does the DH do with the cillit bang that he's emptied from the bottles? If he sticks it down the loo I can see a problem with his plan.

Go for it whiffles you can post your fridge pic here, it's a safe place.

Wedding was yesterday and I refused. some poor other girl was made to do it. I was only told 1 week before, I am not a singer. The only reason I was asked told to sing was because I am bilingual and the chosen song was in a language the other guests would have struggled with. It was much better to listen to a non native crucify the song than have to sing it myself

nodogs if they are refillable bottles he fishes them out of the trash, cleans them up, uses an eco friendly refill packet, then pretends he went to the shop to buy new stuff. I really admire the lengths he goes to and usually cooperate with his environmental demands. But the eco friendly toilet cleaner stinks of vinegar, the wash powder leaves clothes smelling mouldy, and I use twice the amount of cleaning cloths scrubbing like I'm on the verge of a breakdown trying to remove some burned cheese from the oven just with ingredients from mother nature.

The thread I never post is:

"Will you all stop whining and just pull your - collective - selves together"

I realise it is deeply unreasonable and I enjoy reading about it because I am a hypocrite.

I am also not posting a thread about pornography as I can't be arsed with the knee jerk horror.

I very nearly didn't post this as I can't remember any of the threads I've been thinking about, which is what you asked for.

But then realised this would have been an unposted post - so FWIW:

These are good threads OP you should post them!

I often imagine my relationship issues or life troubles in MN form in my head. When I was a teenager I used to do it with agony aunt columns. I never sent a letter, but it helped to write imaginary ones in my head.

MN is a bit like a modern agony column don't you think?

Neoflex

I really like the sound of your dh. I fail to clean with environmental products too.

I am now not posting a DP/dh swaping thread.

I'm most interested to know about the cheating friend. Did you tell her she's a selfish witch?

I do the same, think of a thread I'd like to post, plan out the OP but then start to predict the responses and end up deciding against the whole thing. I think a lot of the time I know deep down that I'm BU but don't want to hear it from mumsnet! And other times I'm sure I'm not but am equally sure not many would agree with me.

So this is a Thread About A (imaginary) Thread.

I think about this sometimes but usually they are me whinging about stupid stuff my dh and mum do, and because they ARE daft they're quite outing.

I keep thinking about posting a thread after I went to the drs yesterday. He told me that norethisterone, the period delaying pill, is about to only be available via private prescription - it might already be the case and he did an NHS one one last time?! I'm annoyed about it but also have so many mixed feeling - yes it's not an essential medicine and the NHS is on its knee so why should I get it at a subsidised rate? Buying it privately will be about £20 but you have to use an online gp consultation period which I don't feel great about. And it just feel so anti women (probably an overreaction on my part) why shouldn't we have access to something that can make our lives easier and give us a bit of control? Arggh sorry that was a bit of a vent and probably does belong on its own thread but I don't want to be blasted for single handedly destroying the NHS with my once a year prescription

TickleMcTickleFace it's actually cheaper on private prescription than an NHS prescription charge, think it cost me about £4 for a months worth last time! (Depends on what the private prescription costs you though, mine was free)

@WineAndTiramisu well now I feel a bit deflated can I ask where you order from as the cheapest I'd found was boots at £20 for a 10 day course.

WIBU to scatter my grandma's ashes in M&S?

I never post personal threads these days

It's too risky in so many levels

And.... it's been an ok year !

Reading mumsnet has hugely helped me to help other people

You have no idea how much wisdom from here I have harnessed

That's the thing rat fights aside it's actually quite educational here !

My baby won't stop whinging & I need a bath/sleep/coffee/food aibu to put him in the bin? (Not really obviously before the evil MNers threaten social services)

Neoflex Call your DH's bluff - Use Eco bottles, but refill them with Cilit Bang.

But the eco friendly toilet cleaner stinks of vinegar, the wash powder leaves clothes smelling mouldy, and I use twice the amount of cleaning cloths scrubbing like I'm on the verge of a breakdown trying to remove some burned cheese from the oven just with ingredients from mother nature

You need to introduce him to Splosh. It is fantastic, eco, and the refils come in the post.

www.splosh.com

Use this code to get money off the starter packs. A84889

Then when you need refills, order online. They clean wonderfully well, smell delicious and of course are natural so unlike C-Bang, won't actually harm anything. And are around £1 per refill, which is ridiculously cheap.

I've been using them since 2014. Not bought one alternative cleaning item since.

I considered posting yesterday about coming home from shopping to find the cat in full make up, I shouldn't have found it funny but I did, then I thought about all cat cruelty posts I'd get...
Cat wasn't harmed, it was Dior

I could probably keep AIBU filled semi permanently with BIL's antics but on the off chance his wife's a MNer I don't dare!

My non posted thread is - how can another womans hair end up wrapped around OHs penis and him not know how it got there?

But realistically I don't actually want any answers to that just now.

I agree with reasoning out rl problems in a mumsnetting thread style. I think mn has really made me learn so much stuff, no is a complete sentence, did you mean to be so rude etc. It has also made me become so much more aware of sexism and I was so naive before even though I'd consider myself quite switched on. Now off to look up splosh products (but worried that sploshing is really about people gettibg off while they roll around in custard and stuff )

My non posted thread is - how can another womans hair end up wrapped around OHs penis and him not know how it got there?

No - splosh isn't going to help you out here is it? :(

It's the 2017 version of an agony aunt column! I remember this girl from school who had a "what would Jesus do" bracelet and nowadays I find myself asking "what would mumsnet do?"
Forgive me though mumsnetters for i have sinned regarding cheating friend. I did not tell her she was a witch because I am a coward and was afraid of the reaction. We've been drifting apart since she became "famous" art was in some galleries and I didn't understand what it was like to be successful just continued happily living my non famous life" so to be honest I just can't be doing with the hassle anymore. Other friends have tried telling her the truth and it hasn't worked out too well for them. It would have been a well juicy thread with all the dirt I have on her but I decided if I can't say all the stuff to her face I shouldn't be saying it to mumsnet either.

DH is a mini hero and that's why I love him but it gets annoying at times. I thought about making a love to hate dp/dh thread too! For example, I love that my Dh cares so much for the world we live in but I hate that at Christmas we have to make homemade decorations to put ob our houseplants rather than get a tree. We could all write our dp/dh love-hate confessions there.