Not to post these juicy threads

[Neoflex]

So in my head I have around 3 threads a week which I consider posting. Then I go through the imaginary responses in my head and realise I will either get roasted, need to post a novel full of revealing details or get accused of drip feeding, and will most likely end up on the daily lies. Usually by this time I have figured out a solution that I think most mumsnetters would be proud of (naturally having ruffled a few feathers). Here are my juicy imaginary threads from this week.

Not a wedding singer: how do I tell bff I won't be doing a solo in the church as she walks down the aisle

Friend is cheating on her dh after he put her through art college: should I tell her she's a selfish witch?

Dh is an environment lover who sneakily fills up our cleaning products with eco-friendly versions even though I have told him I will only accept Cillit Bang. Who is bu?

What is your unposted juice from this week?

but worried that sploshing is really about people gettibg off while they roll around in custard and stuff

No sorry it really is about cleaning products! Can you roll around 'in' custard, or should it be 'on' custard, as it is thixotropic. Hmm... Either way, Splosh will help to clean up afterwards.

"what would mumsnet do?

Mine is 'What would Vedder do'. As in Eddie Vedder. Sigh.

I have no idea what Eddie Vedder would do. I wish he had his own forum though.

Oooh good thread!
This week alone is:
WIBU, me or fellow professional? We are arguing by email and I have no idea how this has happened.
WWYD? Cosmetic surgery or not? DH says do what makes me happy... Is that a cop out or does he think I need it?
AIBU to ask for your inappropriate stories of death, after the most perculiar experience I had this week.

I was tempted to post an AIBU yesterday, in regards would it be ok for me to do some light hearted revenge on my sister for being a massive thunder cunt.
(I was thinking along the lines of dog poo in a bag set it on fire ring the bell and run, Lego sprinkled on her door step in hopes she goes out bare footed. You get the idea)

But I didn't because I'm fearing my life is starting to resemble an episode of Jeremy Kyle.

Woah just googled splosh and it autocorrected to sploshing. Don't do it people, it will derail the thread or reveal how the woman's hair got wrapped around the Penis.

Then I go through the imaginary responses in my head and realise I will either get roasted, need to post a novel full of revealing details or get accused of drip feeding, and will most likely end up on the daily lies.

That ^^ 😊

Do people in RL actually have the conversations advised by MN.

I am quite an arsey type by nature, but would hesitate to say many of the suggested comments. When advised to just tell your boss/neighbour/ friend something I know I would make an excuse and eat biscuits.

Woah just googled splosh and it autocorrected to sploshing

That's not my fault. Just saying.

I even posted a link so you don't have to google.

I started to you MN phrases in real life...Are you on glue? Not my circus, not my monkeys. No is a complete sentence etc.... Sometimes they work, sometimes the really, really don't.

Neo if we're doing love/hate partners thingie, I love that he likes a tidy house, I really do. And I love that he doesn't mind doing the washing up because I really bloody hate it. I hate that he tries to rope me into his cleaning antics when I really do not bloody want to get off my arse & clean at that precise moment. I have to be in the mood to want to clean & tidy. Those moods are very few & far between...

I've also started to use the are you on glue and not my circus, not my monkeys phrases in real life...

Splosh is great.

Is it a bit odd that I like the feel of the bottles when they are filled with hot water?

I honestly wonder if anybody says " oh do fuck of dear " in real life.

I can't imagine it, I just have images of somebody posting it on mumsnet and then high fiving themself because they think they sounded real sassy.

Is it a bit odd that I like the feel of the bottles when they are filled with hot water?

No - it is lovely cleaning with warm sprayey stuff, the scent is heavenly and I hate cleaning AND have a cleaner!

Also something i wanted to ask and very relevant here: If I click on a link, instead of opening the link it takes me to a dodgy spam website for a free iPhone. This only happens in app not on laptop.
Anyone else have this problem?

Neoflex could you suggest that if DH wants to use condiments to clean your house/clothes, he is welcome to do the cleaning and laundry from now on? You will do your laundry separately.

I enjoy reading AIBU but wouldn't ever post anything that mattered to me.
I'm not really a confrontational person (can't even spell the word-thanks, spellcheck) so I'd be one of these people if I did a real time one would have people shouting "cancel the cheque" at me.

I also would worry that someone from the situation I was talking about would pick up on and recognise me. I do deliberately change things when I post (I wondered for a time about having a fictitious extra child but decided I couldn't keep it up )

But it's also that I am very aware that what I would post would be from my point of view. I'd get people saying "say this and walk away". But it is never as simple as that. It doesn't just effect me, and the fallout would effect me as I couldn't walk far enough away.

I don't know how I come across to the people on the "other side". They may see me as a pain in the neck, but I would present myself as giving a balanced view You see, I'm really sensible and know exactly my reasons for doing things. And the reasons are obviously right, because I know them. But the people on the "other side" probably feel the same way, but I don't know their reasons.

I have a complicated NDN parking problem, but not posting it because I can't take the angst. Also there is no solution, would just annoy everyone!

I feel like a hypocrite because there's nothing I enjoy more than someone else's parking thread

I was toying with the idea of starting a few threads, just to off load about a few things that have happened recently (one of them I did and people were fab) but I worry my life is so full of crap that people are starting to either think I'm some tragic person who needs a drama (I'm really not) or just a Barney Bullshitter (also, sadly not) people I tell stuff too are already going "omg your family is really going through the mill!" I don't want to be thought of as one of those that automatically makes you roll your eyes at their anecdotes.

I'd like to use the phrase "are you on glue?" in real life, would really like to, but I live abroad so people will probably just look confused and start touching themselves to see if they're sticky.

The more time I lurk on AIBU, the more and more threads I have running through my mind!
Some would make really good posts but I am too scared to share for fear of being recognised and some would be really, really boring but they are in my head all day!!
I am constantly wondering what MNetters would say about my many AIBU's that I never post! I sometimes fear for my sanity 😊😊

I would love to post about my evil step sister but it's too identifying. Instead I have imaginary arguments in my head