I have two DD's aged 8 & 6.
We suspect the eldest may have ASD, she's got some MH issues and really struggles to make friends. However, she has two good friends on our street, a pair of sisters aged 7 & 4. I'm really pleased that she has at least these friendships and I have done my best to encourage this, they are at our house a lot and I have taken them on several day trips with us.
However, they don't seem to get along with my youngest. I think dd1 instigates a lot of this as she doesn't like her sister much but over the last few months, I would say it's descended into bullying territory. They appear to enjoy excluding dd2 from their games and she is apparently not allowed in their house. As they spend more time at our house than dd1 spends at theirs, this was happening a lot. It got to the point that dd2 was in tears every time they came over. I would stipulate that they were nice to her as a minimum or they would have to go home, at times this duties but more often than not, I would eventually have to send them home. Sometimes, if DD has something they want, like sweets, they will be nice to her until they run out (poor dd2 is very generous with her things and I think she also gives them things so they will like her).
But then last week, both my DDs went over to their house to play. DD2 came home a short while later in tears and I couldn't get her to tell me what was wrong. Eventually she told me that all three girls had been hitting her in their bedroom and the mother hadn't done anything about it/didn't realise what was going on. Dd2 is very sensitive and didn't want to tell me as she thought it might make them dislike her more. I feel absolutely gutted for her - it must have been quite frightening and upsetting being trapped in a stranger house being hit by three other girls one of them her own sister!
I don't know the mother well to talk to her about it. I've now said these girls are not welcome in my house. The thing is, I don't know whether to put an end to dd1's friendship with them as then she will have nobody (dd2 has other friends on the street). It is dd1's birthday soon and these girls are the only ones invited to her birthday trip. I'm obviously dealing with DD1 over this behaviour but i can't exactly exclude my own DD from our home, whereas I can with these girls and so far, my telling them off hasn't stopped the unkind behaviour.
How would you handle this situation? I feel like either way I'm letting one of my DDs down.