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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want our hedgehog back?!

130 replies

JackNic · 04/08/2017 19:30

Hi,

Long time stalker, first time poster here so please forgive me if I do this all wrong. The problem is that I'm so angry I have to share!

DS2 is autistic and suffers from chronic fatigue syndrome so doesn't get into school a lot. He loves nature and has been obsessed with hedgehogs for years. For his eighth birthday, I caved and bought him (at huge expense) a little African Pygmy hedgehog to keep in a cage with a bedroom, a wheel and much luxury. This hedgehog was much loved and some of my friends even came to the house to visit it.

Last year, my elderly father needed looking after as his dementia had got worse and so we moved up the road to a bigger house. Various friends offered help but I mostly did it all on my own. I did ask some friends if any wanted our dog for a few days whilst I moved the larger items, just so that she wouldn't be under my feet. One friend, who had been particularly friendly with our hedgehog, offered to look after him instead whilst we moved. He didn't really need looking after as he was no trouble but she was very keen to help so I let her.

My father moved in at the beginning of November and life went a bit crazy for a few weeks settling him in and teaching him not to wander off etc... I finally contacted my friend at the beginning of December (she'd gone very quiet) asking for the hedgehog back. She kept saying she was busy and we could have him next week. Each week, DS2 would get super excited, only to be told the same thing again. I left it for the fortnight over Christmas and tried again in January. Then this friend started to get aggressive in her responses and refuse to give him back. This continued until the end of January when, after a night with a very upset DS2, I unleashed the Mother Bear on her and she agreed to let us collect him the following Thursday afternoon.

After a number of failed attempts to collect the hedgehog (she kept texting when we were on our way with an excuse), I finally pinned her down to a new date. We arrived after school with a tired but excited DS2 who had told his whole class that he was getting his hedgehog back finally. She was not at home and would not answer her phone. DS2 cried and I simply sent her a very upset message and left it.

I have heard nothing from this girl until tonight, when she messaged me that this "favour has gone on long enough and I need you to come and get this hedgehog please. It's has cost me so much to look after him. If you would like to come and collect him I'm asking for £180 back to reimburse the costs of looking after him(which is significantly less than what it has cost me). If you are either not in a position to do this or simply don't want to I will be selling him to a good home. Please respond before next Friday with what you would like to do as what has started as a favour has turned into a long term expense."

What???!!!!

What on earth do I do??

OP posts:
angelgirls · 04/08/2017 20:14

Can you not go to the police with all the texts as proof as surely she has stole it and is not blackmailing you, understand it may not be completely a police matter but you could get s nice offer who when you explain about your son etc might just have a word with her, usually just a visit from the police will make someone back down

Or text her saying you have been in touch with the police and solicitor and is not returned within 48 hours you will be going down the legal root

madja · 04/08/2017 20:14

So what is the cost she is alluding to actually for. Has she bought him a gold plated cage or something?
Go collect him, give her a cheque, and do something like put last year's date or don't sign it. Or even cancel the cheque when you get home.
I know you said you are too nice, but she seriously doesn't deserve the money does she? I mean what for? I'd be asking for a costs breakdown, as I cannot believe it has cost her so much to care for him. She is not a nice person. She offered to look after him even though it didn't really need to be looked after, now she's blackmailing you for cash.
Save your niceness for people who deserve it!

Disn3yN3rd · 04/08/2017 20:16

I agree with everyone else. Go round there, collect the hedgehog and then tell her to do one. Does she have her own children?

user1492287253 · 04/08/2017 20:17

Do you know what?
I would give her the money and get the pet back.
And never speak to her again

Your ds is more important

Bigoldsupermoon · 04/08/2017 20:18

Have you got any big, mean-looking friends, OP? I'd be going round for a chat.

Fertleby · 04/08/2017 20:18

Stealing a kids pet, that's sick. I'd do the cheque thing too, she deserves no niceties for doing that. APH cost £150, but rescue (national exotic hedgehog rescue for eg) generally rehome around £50 mark. £180 is a lot, and yep they cost very little to feed so she's dodgy on that too. I reckon she's made the price so high so you won't pay, then she can say she's rehomed it while secretly keeping it and you'll leave her alone.

TheDailyWail · 04/08/2017 20:22

What a horrible person she is!

I hope you get the hedgehog back.

JackNic · 04/08/2017 20:23

I like the idea about going round there with a large friend. I have a few who would happily assist!

She's in her early twenties so has no children of her own yet. As a forty year-old, I'm probably stupid to have made such a young friend. I'm regretting it now!

OP posts:
Squarerouteofsquirrel · 04/08/2017 20:25

How much doesn't it cost to buy one of these hedgehogs. I'm thinking she killed it and is now asking for reimbursement for the replacement.
Cheeky cow whatever though.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 04/08/2017 20:25

If you have a record of all the texts showing you trying to text and arrange picking hedgehog up. I would print them out put them in a letter advising that you have made numerous attempts to get to get him back. Work out how much food and bedding would cost for the time she has had him and offer to pay that amount only. Advise her you have also sent a copy of the letter to your solicitor (you don't actually have to do this) I reckon she will back down the nasty cow.

sonjadog · 04/08/2017 20:27

Can you call her bluff on this? Say that you have offered to pick him up several times and she has been withholding him and now she is trying blackmail and you will be contacting the police if he is not returned to you this weekend? You don´t actually have to call the police, but it might be enough to get her to change her tune.

Or say, okay, you can keep him for 180 pounds. As you gave up on getting him in February, you don´t really need to have him now, do you? She can keep him and you can get another one, at a lower price.

DontChewMonkey · 04/08/2017 20:27

Jesus! What a nasty bitch. I'd be tempted to phone 101 and get advice from an officer (I know you have an officer friend but it may be one of those grey areas where some officers will/some won't). I don't know really

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/08/2017 20:28

Get it back - whatever it takes. Your DS is upset andI'll bet the hedgehog isn't being looked after properly either.

I can't understand why the police say this is a civil matter - it started out as theft because she wouldn't return YOUR hedgehog, and now it is "hognapping" because she is trying to hold him to ransom.

kali110 · 04/08/2017 20:29

I think he's died Sad
Op can i just advise that sawdust isn't greAt as they can get mites from it!

JackNic · 04/08/2017 20:32

I meant wood shavings! Whatever you call the bigger curly stuff or is that not great either?

OP posts:
Gooseberrycrumble4 · 04/08/2017 20:33

Yes go there with some massive friends.

If she wanted cash she should have said up front.

Have you worked out how much it cost her to keep him up to the first agreed handover date.

Gooseberrycrumble4 · 04/08/2017 20:34

Have you any mutual friends?

wineandcheeseplease · 04/08/2017 20:36

Do the cheque+

JackNic · 04/08/2017 20:45

We have lots of mutual friends. If I'm honest, I think that's my biggest problem here. We both work in the same industry and it's one of those industries where your bookings rely entirely on who you know. Bad gossip about me won't help me get work and she knows that.

OP posts:
MrsPringles · 04/08/2017 20:49

Yes. So yes to the cheque thing.

What a dick your friend is doing this to your DS.

LovelyOtherDinosaur · 04/08/2017 20:49

Bad gossip About her wouldn't be good for her either...

do you have texts from her as proof you could show people if need be?

JackNic · 04/08/2017 20:52

Yes. It's mostly all been conducted over Facebook messenger so I could print it all out.

OP posts:
madja · 04/08/2017 20:54

Bad gossip about me won't help me get work and she knows that
That works both ways though surely. I can't imagine her wanting everyone to know she is trying to steal a kids pet. I mean, who does that?!
Can you afford to pay her (just for interests sake?)

user1492287253 · 04/08/2017 20:57

Go and have a look to see if its the same one. Give her some money. Move on.

PrimalLass · 04/08/2017 20:59

Screenshot those messages now.

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