CFN thread #10 (grand)

[WhatIsThisWatt]

Thanks for title!

I'm trying to post this really quickly so that I can link on #9 so I'll be back soon.

trello.com/b/Mh00lwZH/the-cfns-tale-of-the-listed-building

Checking in

could u explain who vlad and vanka are? i missed the IN joke thanks

AN AIRPORT
GREATER MANCHESTER

"Is you fault, Vanka - you mention gold. No wonder they arrest you. But ME! Why me? They Cheeky Fuckers Okay! And why you put me right "Pump"/"Trump"? Is both mean "fart". You also Cheeky Fucker"

"Is not me - is you give them my wrong name - you say Vanka Simonavitch. I are Vanka Vankavitch. My father Vanka, his father Vanka, his father also Vanka. I are from long line of Vankas" "They check us when passport and name not match. I work for you thirty years and you not know my name"

"What are you say? I hear your Babushka shout "Simon, Simon" - You daddy jump to feet - rush to her! I see this many time"

"Simon is cat"

"What is cat? You have no cat. Never have you had cat."

"Many years ago - in Brezhnev era. My Babushka has cat. He Simon. She love cat. He die - big cat shortage in Russia that time. All cats for export only. Couldn't get other cat. Babushka blind, so my father - he pretend to be cat."

"What?! He pretend to be cat?"

"Is okay. She shout - he go to her - do cat stuff; meow, scratch furniture, catch mouse, piss on knitting - she not know dead"

"How old cat now?"

"He 57"

"How old your Babushka?

"108. She from Georgia - in Georgia is practically schoolgirl" "here - soothing cup of Moosehoof - you favourite."

We never even got to safe. Still, SpanishGranny still waiting . . . >

"No. Is all over.

"Then why we still go to piss-awful UK? - their beetroot taste like shit"

"Refuel. Also meet my FarceBook pal in real flesh"

"?"

"FarceBok. Is way make friends, share funtimes . . . . a little flirty-flirty hahahahaha"

"Hahahahaha. You a cheeky boy, Vanka! This how you English so good - online pillow talk, hahahahahaha"

"Hahahahaha! We meet - we nearly same name. I ar Vanka, she are Vango. I write on her wall , and now we say 'Hallo, Vango' and 'Hallo Vanka' and we laugh and we laugh."

"What she like"

"Is sexy girl"

"Ay up, Vanka lad Eee, Ah'm a martyr to me tubes. This must be old Miseryguts. Aye, well, two's company so Ah've got 'im a day pass t' the Salford Rat museum. Then thee an' me can get t' know each other proper"

"You not bring your whippet my little beetroot?"

"Nah - 'ee's full o' worms"

"So is just we together"

Awesome update. Hopefully the planning peeps will do the work, send CFN the bill and have your garden back to normal.

Loving your planners!

Knew it would be on thread 10 when I woke up! Awesome update Wattyyy, always good to wake up to News.

Going to catch up on CFNE parking now, and then I think it's almost time for a - if I can persuade someone to turn the coffee machine on.

I'm the poster who had to pay 10k for new heritage windows after the old ones were ripped out by previous owners. I'd add at least 2k to that figure to allow for the stonemason's work, plus of course Wattys costs for the inconvenience (and after they've finished you'll need to have a professional deep clean to get rid of all the stone dust- add another £500!)

Enjoy the sangria!

I'm worried about the sangria receipt getting lost!

Spookle I'm going to print that picture off A4 size and have it framed!

Queenie Very impressed you got hold of that. Vanka doesn't really like cross-dressing as he finds heels a bugger, but often he has to be a +1 with Vlad for weddings and things, so needs must etc

I think the boys may be taking a short break, but Vanka is working out how to do a blog.

@Schadenfreude just fab. Planning update and the latest episode of Vlad and Vanka :) worth a 5.30am wake up!

Please excuse my shame. DS had a hospital appointment today and after I'd finished panicking I was thinking about this whole saga .

SchadenfreudePersonified 😂😂😂

I'm checking in, new thread while I was eating!

@changebagsandgladrags & @blankface Are you still here? I know the Hovingham Bakery well but have never tried their version of the Fat Rascals. The new owners are better bakers - I always found the previous one's offerings a bit boring (& often overdone). I think they are shut on Mondays & or Tuesdays so check before wasting a trip.
Changebags Are you Mother Shipton? Her cave is only a few miles from a Betty's?

schaden please can you assure vanka that Simon the dead cat was reincarnated as George Galloway as seen on Big Brother meowing and cavorting with certain female actress sad to be of Russian nobility

That should of course read SAID to be if Russian nobility not sad.......although maybe .........predictive text got it right

Has anybody got a screenshot of the original OP, which got lost in the name-changing/post deletion confusion?

I read it at the time but only vaguely remember the details

I've only just had a chance to read the planning update. Flaming 'eck, they're moving quickly! Hope that's a good thing....

The quiet English gentleman Planner puzzled again over the note.

A faint blush stole across his cheek: surely his rudimentary grasp of Spanish must be at fault?

Elderly ladies of his acquaintance were most unlikely to scrawl, in spidery hand:

"You speak buildings your eyes they burning with the heat of one thousand Andalucian sunsets..."

or

"You angry with neighbour vandalos who insult my Granddaughter you thrilling my heart to jump like many castanets..."

His elegant eyebrow arching in wry amusement, he inwardly applauded her obscene use of sketch alongside
" Also speak this to CheekyFuckers: 'metete un palo por el culo' ["Shove a stick up your arse"]

Marvellous woman.

And the miniature of homemade Sangria she silently tucked inside his jacket had proved most delicious.
Oh yes, this was one Planning dispute that was going ahead most smoothly.
He raised a glass in appreciation.

OP, am SO pleased for you getting the outcome you deserve!

Found it. Refused to let migraine stop me, though now I'm here I may have to give in gracefully as the screen is too bright.

Laters y'all.

Im surprised at how many people on here are from near me in NY.
I like Betty's Lebkuchen biscuits, Mmm!

How'd the sangria go?

Not even trying to hide my placemark now

and now we say 'Hallo, Vango' and 'Hallo Vanka' and we laugh and we laugh."

😂😂😂😂

I can't tell you how pleased....honoured.....humbled I feel!

But I'm not actually from the North so fear Vanka may have been intercepted by an intruder from this thread who read the earlier posts and knew he'd be landing here