AIBU about my MIL

[sowhatusernameisnttaken]

My child has been a good sleeper from day one which I put down to a good routine and being consistent. Every night he pushes it bit because I've never given in and remained firm we have never had any issues with sleep.
He was also quick to potty train. The first couple of weeks even month were really intense and hard work.
He's been with me every day practically since birth yet my MIL says I've been lucky that he happens to be a good sleeper and that I was lucky with his toilet training. Zero credit for all the hard work I put in to raising him or anything I may have done and it really pisses me off. Am I being OTT. I don't really like her so it's difficult to have perspective on the issue!

I might think they were a wanker if they literally said "because of my brilliant parenting" but if anyone actually read my post they would see I didn't say I'm a "brilliant parent".

You are lucky, you worked hard as well but honestly sometimes you can work at these things and they don't go well. When I had my first I thought I had done really well, he slept well, eat well, was toilet trained early. Then I had number 2, total live wire or should I say horror and a very fussy eater, then I had number 3 who didn't like food at all but slept well and then I had number 4 who would eat anything, including the dog's dinner if I didn't watch him and thought sleep was for wimps.

Ah OP - but what if you'd also offered fruit and veg daily and insisted on DC trying at least a bit of everything at every meal and had been doing this for years ... and you still had a fussy eater ... and someone else came along and said "if only you'd been offering fruit and veg daily like I have, that's why my DC are such good eaters" ... then would you be pissed off? Because that's why your "my DC is a good sleeper due to my great routine" post is so annoying to others on this thread - because they too had great routines that just didn't work due to their child's personality.

(my DD is also a fussy eater. Every time she moved a room at nursery I was assured by her new nursery nurse that they'd have her eating everything in no time at all. I used to smile and nod and not mention it again when she moved on a year later having become no less fussy. Great routines are not the answer for every child).

My ds was all that and more. I was sahm breastfed great routine etc. Im glad no one gave me credit for my perfect mothering skills as he turned into the teenager from hell. I then could believe l was just unlucky and it wasnt down to anything l had done. I also couldnt take credit when my other 2 were fine as teens. A lot is duee to personality This fits my theory on kids, they all come with a certain amount of trouble and if they don't get you as a baby/toddler then you get it somewhere else. It might not be true but it has cheered up many an unhappy young mum when they have been telling me what a failure they are and everyone else has a baby who sleeps/eat/toilet trains better than theirs. They go away hoping they are going to have a lovely teenager and smug friend (sorry don't mean you are smug) willl suffer later.

When I said it's still hard work to get him to sleep I mean I don't just click my fingers and say run along Tarquin bedtime now and he skips off and jumps into bed, I'm saying it's routine and perseverance and not giving in to all the "one last book/play whatever which I feel would be all too easy (for me) to do.

We have 3DC, DH's brother and SIL have 3DC of the same ages. Similar parenting styles and attitudes. Ours all slept well, theirs were a nightmare. I thank my lucky stars because I seriously don't know how they coped, but that's all it is - luck.

Also, I never really had a routine for DC1, though eventually you fall into one. My friend had a baby at the same time and was a Gina Ford follower, strict routine, regulated feeding, couldn't leave the house at certain times. Was evangelical about it. When the kids were four her husband told me their son had NEVER slept through the night.

Lucky.

And smug.

Definitely lucky you have a child who responds to your routine. There are without doubt many parents who put twice as much effort and perseverance into establishing a routine than you have needed to, but with not half so good results. I think it is mostly about the child. My second child was sleeping through the night at six months and forever thereafter, while her sister who is 2 years older was still keeping me up at all hours. How frustrating is that? I treated them both exactly the same but one took 200% effort and the other 0% effort.

Was I a hardworking fastidious mother with one, but not the other?

Ah I think you're allowed to pat yourself on the back occasionally op. Mil could have just agreed with you and done a bit for the relationship instead of detracting.
Fwiw all 3 of mine were good sleepers and good eaters partly because I didn't stand any messing. I have friends who envied that aspect but then their routines to me exacerbated the problems. Having said that their dc were better at other things than mine. And yes I did put that down to parenting styles.

I've got the opposite - my DM tells me what a great mother I am, but I believe it's mostly down to luck. The only thing I've done that isn't luck is to choose a father for my DC who was an easy baby and child. If anyone deserves credit for my DDs being easy and pleasant to be around, I'd credit the nursery staff and their endless patience.

I think that having one child can make you feel like you've cracked parenting. A second child makes you realise that you'd only cracked parenting your first child.

How much work any given approach is, depends on all the personalities in question as well. Two babies may respond equally well to x routine, but if one parent likes routines and the other feels trapped by them, then they will feel like it's different amounts of work. The same is true the other way round.