AIBU about my MIL

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My child has been a good sleeper from day one which I put down to a good routine and being consistent. Every night he pushes it bit because I've never given in and remained firm we have never had any issues with sleep.
He was also quick to potty train. The first couple of weeks even month were really intense and hard work.
He's been with me every day practically since birth yet my MIL says I've been lucky that he happens to be a good sleeper and that I was lucky with his toilet training. Zero credit for all the hard work I put in to raising him or anything I may have done and it really pisses me off. Am I being OTT. I don't really like her so it's difficult to have perspective on the issue!

I have it on good authority that my 2 year olds speech is on par with that of a 4-5 year old. Absolutely NOT down to me, she's just a good talker. Her older sisters both needed speech therapy.

The problem with your post is that you are essentially saying all of us knackered sleep deprived parents who have a constant battle with routine are just a bit crap. YABU.

My DD is a brilliant sleeper and always has been. All luck though as far as I'm concerned and in no way would I consider it a good idea to suggest otherwise to another parent (especially my MIL).

You're lucky. One of mine slept brilliantly from about 8 weeks old and the other has exactly the same routine and has only slept through the night this week and she's two. I felt pretty smug with my first, I totally aced it.. then I came down to earth with a bump when my daughter did not have time for my foolproof "techniques".

There is an element of luck but you have instilled good routines which have helped the process too.

When MIL makes comments just smile and wave!

mine have always been good sleepers, but we have not had any routines

• fits better with our lifestyle to send them to bed when we want them to sleep, not at x o'clock.

So would not say routines matter that much.

I don't agree that it's all luck. Yes of course it is in part and your child's personality will determine a lot of it, but I'm a huge believer in structure and routine and it worked with both my kids even though they are very different. My first wasn't an "easy" baby by any stretch - colic/reflux/a general crier etc. but I was rigorous with routine and sleep training and it worked (my DP called me sergeant major!) But that said, I'm sure there will be plenty of other things that arise that will wipe my smugness away so I wouldn't voice this in real life You're MIL is likely having a passive aggressive dig at you so don't let her get to you...

If they've been a good sleeper since birth then that's definitely luck, because a baby has no clue about a routine when they're only just born. That doesn't mean you haven't worked hard. A good night's sleep is its own reward!

My 1st and 2nd were like that. My first child was fully potty trained in 2 days. Second in 5 days. Both slept all night practicly from birth.

Then I had my 3rd. Fucking hell. 😂 it's defenetly luck!

Most people get one child like that and the next one is the opposite.

I'm sure that parenting can/does have an influence, otherwise, why would we bother. But you can be the most perfect parent ever and still have major 'fails'. Or not really bother, and luck out on certain things.

I'm a teacher, I love routine & order. I had it completely sussed, and we did the perfect sleep/eat/engagement routine EVER.

But DD is autistic, so we still have sleep & food issues. She's 13 btw, so all my methods have been well and truly tested.

You're right OP. It is hard work and takes effort to potty train and sleep train. The mums blaming their kids for not doing it at a reasonable age make me . (I come from a culture where all kids are potty trained by 15-24 months and it's fucking hard!)

Is your reply a joke? I didn't sleep train or really potty train mine. They liked sleeping and had their own routine. I was a very ralxed parent whi never tried to force a routine. Also I waited until they were ready to potty train hence they got it quickly. A lot of it is luck. Babies and toddler are individual people just like us. They aren't robots.

MIL's right (not something often written on these boards )

Enjoy your easy baby and don't be too smug or else you'll find the laughter when it doesn't work for #2 rather embarrassing.

I have twins so they had the same parenting - and I'm a stay at home mum too. My daughter was a good sleeper from the start - my son didn't sleep through the night until he was 4.5 years old. My daughter decided at 3 she wanted to use the toilet like the grown ups and kind of trained potty/toilet trained herself. My son had to be convinced (and bribed). I have no doubt that your hard work has paid off - but you are also lucky because your son sounds like he is an easy child to look after as well. I hope he stays that way for you! So please don't be offended - it does sound like you are lucky with your son so just enjoy him!

Some luck but also good parenting, I would say.
FWIW my MIL is the same, especially as SIL has a quite boisterous boy whereas my DT are calmer all better behaved (even she had to admit it, so not only me seeing them through my proud parent glasses lol).
It reached a pount where DH, who usually lets things go, had to tell her that some things are down to good / bad parenting and it wasn't fair to deny it.

ittakes2 Interesting, I have twins as well and also had one easy to potty train / one very challenging, one who loves going to bed / one who makes a fuss every night. BUT there are still things that are due to parenting, for ex I never ever took them in bed with us or let them leave their cot before 7am. At 3.5 they now call through the baby monitor to ask if it is time to get up yet, and if I say no they stay in their room, never try to get out.
Same with meals, whilst one is mire adventurous than they other, they know that I never ever offer an alternative so they always eat what is on offer. They know food thrown on the floor means meal is over, no exceptions; they never do it. Etc.

You may or may not have influenced your child sleep. Plenty of us can attest to doing everything right but still getting a terrible sleeper. I don't know how easy it would be to turn a naturally good sleeper to a poor one by bring a rubbish parent though?

I think potty training has changed a lot. My health visitor said they used to start younger but it took longer (start at 2 finish at 3, start at 3 finish at 3 was the saying) so maybe it was less luck or brilliance but more changed advice?

I am not disputing the effort you put in with your child but it really is down to the childs personality and abilities.

No 2 kids are alike, you could do exactly the same with another child and still be toilet training at 3yrs old.

My 2 kids are completely different, its just life. I know twins who were treated exactly the same from birth in partenting styles but are like chalk and cheese.

Dont worry about it just smile and wave at MIL she really is right but its not nice to point it out continually. You might find that as they grow they are not so easy to parent and thats ok too. Kids change as they grow, i.e. success at toilet training doesnt mean success at everything.

Just continue doing what feels right for you, never mind anyone else but dont be telling other mums how your parenting alone was responsible for your childs 'sucesses', many parents struggle with their kids sleep patterns, toilet training etc through no fault of their own (kids or parents) its not nice to be told its all down to their parenting skills.

My child has been a good sleeper from day one which I put down to a good routine and being consistent.

Pfft, sorry but I think that's got something to do with luck as well!
Although a good bedtime routine always helps so I think it's a combination of both.
My eldest absolute NIGHTMARE at sleeping, despite best efforts.
Youngest came along, totally different and sleeps perfectly.
Every child's different. Kind of like people are, really. Who'da thunk it?!

I think MIL is wrong not to acknowledge the hard work you have put in. Parenting is hard and at the very least she is being rude. If she genuinely thinks it just down to luck, she should keep her mouth shut and not say anything rather than nullify your efforts.
My DD (5) is well behaved & a good sleeper. I know I am lucky she never had colic or any special needs and parents of children with those sorts of problems put in a huge amount of effort for less of a result. However, I could also have taken my healthy child, not put any effort into raising her well and ended up with a 5yo who didn't sleep through the night and was a nightmare in terms of behaviour. Why would it be wrong to be annoyed if someone put in all down to luck?

You were lucky.

But if this is just a stealth brag post then my DS pleas dry and and night on his first day of toilet training. I was lucky.

luck my dear I'm afraid. my dd potty trained herself perfectly in two days and we never had an accident....not one. I take absolutely zero credit for it... it was all Dd.

You were lucky that your hard work paid off. There is a difference then just being lucky. I get what you mean you just wanted an acknowledgement of your effect.
Congratulations I hope I do what you've done with my boys

But for the sake of anyone with little children reading this, an intense month of hard work is not "quick potty training. It really, really isn't.